You Don’t HAVE to… You GET to…!

Language is important. The words we choose convey a message to our listener that can negatively or positively impact his/her perception of the task. By replacing “have to…” with “get to…” in your daily language, you can send a subtle but very different tone and message to your listener. With this word substitution, you can easily change a negative connotation into a positive statement.

Here are some examples of how parents and teachers can dramatically alter the tone of their conversations with students by substituting the word have for the word get:

• “You have to read this book” sends the message that it is an unpleasant obligation to read the book. “You get to read this book” implies that reading this book is a privilege or honor.

• “You have to work together” sets the tone that there will be downfalls to working in the group and sounds much less appealing than “You get to work together.”

• “We have to work through this content” implies a tone of begrudgingly hard labor. “You get to work through this content” sounds much less brutal.

• “You have to show your work (thinking)” sounds like forced metacognition but telling students they “get to show their work (thinking)” gives the impression that the student is able to let the adult into their secret thoughts.

• You can also use this word substitution to correct students when they speak. When a student states that they “have to” do a task, you can reply that “Yes, you get to do the task.”  

If this still seems like only a silly word change, try this one out for yourself: “I have to go to work tomorrow” versus “I get to go to work tomorrow.” Which would you rather say?

Once you are aware of this language substitution you will catch yourself and others when they say they “have to” do something versus when they “get to” do something.  You will be amazed by how quickly this transforms the conversations you have with learners and with other adults.

You don’t “have to” try it out, but we certainly hope you “get to.”

We would love to hear examples of how this word substitution has impacted your conversations with learners.

Happy tone setting,