What Every Teacher Needs to Know About Resilience Ep.27

August 30, 2023 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

What Every Teacher Needs to Know About Resilience S.2 E.27

Listen to this episode to find out why resilience for teachers is both needed and beneficial, and you can become more resilient.

Show notes:

Episode Summary:

We’re hearing about it everywhere and you are probably hearing about it too. It has become the latest buzzword word in education. We’re talking about resilience. We all have an idea of what it means to be resilient, and a vague idea of why teachers need resilience. But, why is this today’s buzzword? Is resilience overhyped? What is resilience? Why do you need to be more resilient? And most importantly, how can you become more resilient? Today we are exploring resilience.

In this episode:

Resilience has resurfaced as one of the recent buzz words in education. Everyone is talking about it. We’re told that we need to teach students to be more resilient. We’re also told that teachers need to be more resilient, and then given some vague help like, you need to journal to be more grateful.

There is nothing wrong with gratitude journaling, but it got us thinking. What do we really know about resilience? Why do we need to be more resilient, and how can we become more resilient?

What is resilience?

Resilience refers to the ability to adapt, bounce back, and recover from challenges, adversity, or setbacks. It involves maintaining one’s mental and emotional well-being during difficult times and finding ways to effectively cope with stress and hardship. Resilience is not about avoiding difficulties, it is about facing them with a positive and adaptable mindset.

Given that definition, it is easy to see why there is so much talk about resilience for teachers.

In your life and in your work, you are always going to have challenges. Those challenges will affect your mental and emotional wellbeing. Resilience is the ability to deal with those challenges- to take positive action, to reduce potential stress. It is about understanding the personal power you have to deal with your challenges in a way that feels right to you. We say it all the time, you have more power than you think!

Resilient people choose their reactions and focus on the things that they can control. We’ve preciously discussed why you should be focusing on your circle of control in podcast episode 8, Choose Your Battles.

Why do we need to be resilient?

Coping with Challenges: Life is full of challenges, and individuals who are resilient are better equipped to navigate these challenges without becoming overwhelmed by them.
Mental Health: Resilience plays a crucial role in maintaining good mental health. It helps all of us manage stress, anxiety, and depression more effectively.
Adaptability: Resilient people can adapt to changes and uncertainties more easily, which is particularly valuable in a rapidly changing world.
Personal Growth: Overcoming adversity can lead to personal growth and increased self-confidence. People who are resilient often learn valuable life lessons from their experiences.

Here are some times when you might have been resilient in your teaching….

You may have adapted to online learning during the pandemic- learning new skills quickly and finding creative ways to engage your students virtually.
You may have developed strategies to engage that student who was especially challenging, connecting with them while still maintaining a positive classroom environment for all of your students.
Maybe you found effective ways to navigate working with challenging parents, coworkers or administrators without letting others peoples’ negativity zap your passion.
If you are working on best handling the workload pressures of teaching to avoid burnout so you can maintain your love of teaching, you are being resilient!

In each of these examples, resilience involves adapting to different situations, maintaining a solution-oriented mindset, and prioritizing the well-being of your students and yourselves despite the challenges you face as an educator.

How can you become more resilient?

Consider how you think about challenges and what you say about them.

In a recent article, Harvard psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren discussed phrases that people often use that demonstrate that they are more resilient than most. We decided to reverse the process with the idea that if we start to use these phrases, we are acting in more resilient ways, and repeated use of phrases like these will become a habit. It is the old idea that if you want something, act as if.

For example, if you want to eat more healthy foods, act as if you are a person who eats healthy foods. Then, when confronted by a doughnut or a bowl of Greek yogurt, ask yourself, “Which one of these would a healthier eater choose?” Then do that.

In the same way, when confronted by a challenge, use the types of phrases that resilient people use. If you keep doing it, gradually, it becomes a habit. Act as if.

Let’s look at some specific examples.

1. “I can get through this.” Or, “As much as I hate this, I can survive it.”

Example: You are facing a very difficult parent-teacher meeting. You are upset and nervous. However, you plan what you will say and have good examples of student work to share with the parent.

Emotional resilience is associated with grit and mental toughness. There is an understanding that we have to be strong and overcome adversity without letting it break us.

2. “I’m not going to let myself be a victim.”

Example: You have a great idea for ways to implement a new curriculum. You share it with a colleague, who then brings up the idea at a faculty meeting as if it was her own idea.

You are angry and hurt. Of course you are! But you don’t want to cause a problem. You feel like a victim.

Being resilient means that when you experience the pain of mistreatment, you shift your perspective from “I’m a victim and powerless to help myself” to “How can I grow from this?”

You resolve to talk to that teacher and let her know that you didn’t appreciate that she passed off your ideas as her own. You then ask for her to give you the credit that you deserve.

3. “What can I learn from this?”

Openness to experiences and the ability to shift your perspective from “Why did this happen to me?” to “What can I take from this to help me grow?” can help you better navigate through life’s inevitable ups and downs.

Example: You have a meeting with your administrator and find out that you were implementing a new initiative in the wrong way. There was clearly a communication breakdown somewhere along the line and you are worried that it might have been a large part on your end. You can feel bad about yourself or you can say, “what can I learn from this?”.

4. “I need some time.”

A key component of resilience is emotional flexibility, or the ability to regulate your feelings and reduce their intensity in a given situation. Mastery over this can help us feel empowered during challenging times.

Example: You encounter a negative colleague in the hallway. They corner you and tell you that they are upset about something you said to another teacher that clearly upset them (though you may still be wondering why that upset them so much). They want to argue it out right there in the hallway.

You could also say, “I’m feeling a strong emotion, so I’m going to take a moment before I respond or make any big decisions.” In this way you can respond and stay professional while also giving yourself some time to reflect. We’ve both benefited from this idea, and realize that with more time, we could be less reactive and make better choices.

5. “It is what it is.”

The key to resilience is not denying reality or seeking out a reason that makes us feel better about why something happened. When we arrive at a place of radical acceptance, the situation has less power over us.

Example: We both say this phrase often. When we encounter a roadblock in our business, one of us will likely say, “It is what it is” and then we move into problem solving mode. For example, this past summer we reserved a room at a local venue to conduct a summer workshop. Right after we booked the room and put down the down payment, we learned that a large educational conference was planned for the same day and in the same city. Obviously, we had no control over the date of the large conference so we had to move our workshop to a different date so local teachers did not have to choose between the two. This meant contacting the venue, changing our date, updating all of our marketing materials and moving our workshop to a date that wasn’t our first choice. But it just was what it was. Being upset about it wouldn’t have changed the reality of the situation. If you are wondering how it turned out, we had a lovely group of teachers and an excellent workshop on our 2^nd choice date.

6. “I’m letting this go.”

Staying mired in resentment, wanting retribution, or focusing on payback keeps us holding on to past pain. Developing resilience requires getting to a place where we can see difficult life circumstances for what they are and actively choosing to let them go.

The next time you find yourself on the edge of something you can’t control, let it go. It does not serve you to waste your time and energy on something that is out of your control. This has been a great mantra for me personally, and has saved a lot of useless worry at the expense of my mental health.

“Dr. Warren also suggests that resilient people use these additional phrases that you may want to try out:

“Life is hard.”

“I won’t always be happy with how things play out. But it’s part of the journey.”

“This, too, shall pass.”

“Each day is an opportunity to feel a little better.”

“I may be struggling, but I can find a way to be thankful for the good things in my life.”

“There’s always a gift, even in the darkest experiences — I just need to figure out what it is. How can I use this experience to empower and transform me?”

These phrases are connected to many of the topics we’ve cover on this podcast, growth mindset, mindset shifts, your circle of control, being bold, setting boundaries and others. In the beginning of this episode we questioned, why the hype? Do teachers need resilience? Our answer is a resounding yes, now more than ever. And, with a little thought and practice in how you phrase your experiences, you can develop more emotional resilience.

Recap:

Resiliency is a valuable skill and it helps us to navigate our challenges in a positive way. With some practice you can learn to reframe your experiences in a way that makes you stronger.

Facebook Teacher Warriors Group: Teacher Warriors Facebook Group

Linked In: Inspired Together Teachers

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

Who Influences You? Ep.26

August 23, 2023 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

Who influences You? S. 2 E. 26

Listen to this episode to understand who influences you and how they affect your attitudes, behaviors, beliefs and actions.

Show Notes

Episode Summary:

The people who are around us influence our every day actions and behaviors. They also influence our beliefs, our values, and our attitudes. Who influences you and are they influencing you in a way that is positive? Today we’re talking about the people around you and how to make sure their influence is helping you to live the life you want to live.

In this episode:

You may have heard this often shared quote by author, speaker, and personal development coach Jim Rohn, “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

This quote speaks to your environment, and how your environment affects you. Today we are going to break this down and look at the implications.

So, who are the five people you spend the most time with? We’re talking adults here, not your children or the students you work with.

Go ahead and take a couple of minutes to think of your five people.

Ready? Let’s take a look at how the people we spend the most time with influence us.

The people you spend the most time with influence your daily habits.

Your daily habits influence almost every aspect of your life. We’re looking at small things here, for example, what you eat or drink, and what you wear. They influence the books you read, the TV shows you watch and the movies you go to.

You have all probably experienced the phenomenon of showing up at school dressed your colleagues. That’s happened to us, and we see you and your colleagues dressed alike in your Instagram and Facebook posts.

All of these may seem like very small things, but small things take up much of our time, and in doing so, have the power to shape our lives in ways we may or may not have intended.

For example, Paula is a reader. She loves historical fiction and could happily read it for the rest of her life. However, a good friend convinced her that memoirs on audio were wonderful. Her friend’s latest recommendation was Finding Me by Viola Davis. Paula loved the book and found herself enjoying other memoirs as well. It is a perfect example of how a small act by a friend influenced not only Paula’s reading habits, but also how she views others as she learns about their lives.

The people around you influence your actions.

If we take the habits idea one step bigger, we are looking at how others influence your actions. You likely buy drive a car that is similar to the people around you. You go on vacation to the same campground or resort your friends have been to. If all of your friends smoke, it becomes easy for you to smoke as well.

The people around you influence how you spend your time. If the five people you spend the most time with spend their time taking classes for professional growth, you are more likely to do so. If they spend their time hanging out in bars or playing tennis, you will likely do so as well.

We are not making judgements here, we want to make you aware that you are probably being influenced by others, even if you aren’t consciously aware of it.

At our workshops, we will often have teacher friends attend together. One of them will always say something like, “I thought the workshop sounded interesting but I hadn’t taken action to sign up. Then, when my teacher bestie messaged me to see if we wanted to go together, we were both signed up by the end of the day. We like to do things together. She loves to learn and so do I so when we can do so together, we are all in.”

The people you spend the most time with influence your world view.

If you live in a bubble, it can be difficult to see outside of that bubble. We may be enriched by opening up our worldview, to understand different points of view, different options, and different opportunities.

The more we know about different ways of life, of different cultures, and different perspectives, the more we understand other people. This filters down to our work with children, as we can better understand their background and experiences, we can work with them in more supportive ways.

Recently we worked with a teacher who shared that her worldview was opened up through travel. Until she was married, she had never traveled outside of her home state, and even then rarely beyond a hundred miles or so. Her husband had family all over the world, and after they were married, she traveled with him to see family. She was amazed at different foods, different cultural traditions, and even different climates. Prior to these experiences, she often just thought that everyone was raised and lived with the same values and culture as she had experienced in her small farming community. She saw her family’ ways as the right ways. After traveling, she realized that there are many right ways to live. She came to understand that other families also cared about their loved ones, and that they worked hard to provide for their families needs too.

Author Brene Brown says, “It is hard to hate people close up.” Expanding your world view helps you to know and understand other views. It doesn’t mean you will change your values, or what you personally believe, but it does mean that you respect that there are other points of view.

The people you spend the most time with influence your attitude.

When you think about people you know, you can probably think of some negative people. These are people who are often in a bad mood, who bring a lot of drama, or who are naysers. They bring you down and drain your energy.

It is also possible that this influence comes through who you are friends with on social media. Do you read posts from negative people, or people who are always complaining?

On the opposite spectrum are people who are positive and supportive. They have an optimistic outlook. They are consciously working on their own goals and their own improvement. They are energy bringers, and life affirmers.

Here is an example. When you are watching television, you are basically inviting the characters into your living room. If you regularly watch a show with an angry, abrasive character who is rude and condescending, you are essentially allowing that person into your house every time they are on the screen. If they showed up at your front door, then acted obnoxiously in your living room day in and day out, would you let them in? Probably not. Yet when you turn on the television out of habit, you are exposed to that negative behavior on a regular basis. The same could be said about kind and caring individuals on your screen.

Whether it is a series, a movie, or a short video on social media, consider this- would I let that person walk in my room right now and spend time with my loved ones? If not, maybe it is a sign to “spend less time” with them.

What kind of attitude are the five people you are spending the most time with bringing into your life?

Do you want to be surrounded by people who complain and whine? People with no vision except for what is right in front of them? People who drain your energy or make you constantly defensive? People who kill your dreams, the naysers and dream slayers?

Do you want to surround yourself with people who hold you back?

Or do you want to be surrounded by growth minded people, people who are optimistic and inspiring? Do you want to be around people who bring positive change, and people who bring out the best in you?

We’ve chosen to surround ourselves with people who are daring to lead an inspired life. That is the basis for this podcast, which we explained in the very first episode.

The decision is yours- do you choose to be around people who suck the life out of you or people who bring life to you?

You get to choose who you spend the most time with.

Choose wisely.

Recap:

The people who are around us influence our every day actions and behaviors. Take time to think about the people you spend the most time with. These people are influencing your beliefs, values, attitudes, habits, world view and actions. Are your people influencing you in a way that is positive and that helps you to live the life you want to live? Surround yourself with people who lift you up and inspire you. They are impacting you daily.

Quotes:

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

Jim Rohn

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Book: Finding Me by Viola Davis

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

Inspired together Teachers podcast Episode one The Inspired Life

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Facebook Teacher Warriors Group: Teacher Warriors Facebook Group

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

The Courage to Be Bold Ep. 25

August 16, 2023 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

The Courage to Be Bold S. 2 E.25

Listen to this episode to learn why being bold is good and 4 steps you can take to have the courage to be bold.

Show Notes

Episode summary:

When you hear the word “bold” what do you think of? Does boldness have a negative or positive connotation for you? Boldness can actually be one of your best attributes if used well. Today, we’re examining what it means to be bold, talking about why being bold is actually a good thing, and discussing 4 steps you can take to build your boldness muscle.

In this episode:

When you hear the word “bold” what emotions does it stir up for you? What images come to your mind?

Most people think of boldness as the friend with the pink colored hair, the co-worker who is quick to speak their mind in a meeting, or the family member who asks personal questions.

But have you ever considered that boldness is so much more?

And what does boldness have to do with helping you find fulfillment in your work and home life?

A lot actually so stick around.

What is boldness.

Yes, “bold” is a four letter word. But is doesn’t have to have the negative connotation of those other 4 letter words. 😊

The adjectives used to describe someone who is bold are actually extremely desirable traits. Let’s examine a few of the traits associated with people who take bold action or are described as bold:

People who are bold often:

Display energy and excitement
Prioritize, are seen as strong, vivid, and ready for action
Have confidence and courage
Believe in reaching the next level
Have the ability to make strong connections
Look forward with clarity
Take risks
And have a belief in themselves

Finally, people who are bold are often perceived to be joyful and fulfilled.

With a description like that, doesn’t boldness seem like something we should all be striving for in our work and home lives?

It is true that some definitions of the word “bold” include doing something that might be considered audacious but almost all definitions of “bold” include language about taking a risk with confidence and courage. That is something to strive for.

Notice that the definition does not say you have to be bold with EVERY decision you make in a day. However, what would it look like for you to pick things in you work and home life that really matter to you and then take the risk with confidence and courage?

Quote:

“Sometimes the leap in real life is a simple change we’ve waited a long time to make.”

and

“You’ve been waiting. Be bold and go.”

Brendan Burchard.

Think about a time when you acted with boldness at home or at work. How did it feel?

Fred Joyal, author of Superbold, stated, “In essence, boldness is simply moving from inaction to action. But that is a big move. Most people choose inaction. Most people stay in their comfort zone 24/7. It’s a whole lot easier. But if you’re dissatisfied with life so far, and want to discover what’s really possible, you’re going to have to make that crucial, simple move from inaction to action.”

4 Simple Steps You Can Take to Build Boldness in Your Life.

After hearing the characteristics of people who are bold, we are guessing you identified with some of them. You are already bold in some way. We want to help you to build upon your boldness.

However, before we start the 4 steps, it is important to set the stage. As you move toward becoming more bold in your personal and professional life, we offer these important reminders:

Stay true to you, your “bold moves” are not the same as what others might see as bold.
Have faith in yourself, you are more capable than you give yourself credit for.
Have courage. It will not always be easy, but important things are rarely easy.
Stay positive.
Look for opportunities that align with your values, and then jump in.

Most importantly, understand who you are, what is most important to you and what you want. If it aligns with you what is important to you, then it is where you should venture into your boldness.

Building Your Boldness

Step 1: Start with Your Values

Ask yourself, “What matters to me?”. Examine your answer. Those are the areas where you should be bold.

If you believe in something enough, you will have the courage to work toward it. If you don’t believe in it, your motivation and boldness will quickly fade.

If someone else is pushing their values on you, it is ok to say “no thanks” and focus your energy on what matters to you.

Why? Because it is easier to be bold with something you care deeply about.

Step 2: Look for Opportunities and Discern

Consider opportunities to be bold. Consider both those that exist and those that do not yet exist. Listen to that voice that has been saying to you, “I really wish…” or “If I could, I would….” Those things might be sending you towards an opportunity to be bold.

Sit in silence and solitude to really contemplate if this is where you want to be bold.

Ask yourself, “How does being bold with this opportunity feel in my head, heart and gut?”

In Episode 17, we talked about IQ, EQ and GQ. Make a plan for what boldness will look like in this opportunity. Visualize, write it down, make a mind map. Do whatever works best for you to create a clear understanding of what boldness would look, feel and sound like for you in this situation.

Step 3: Prepare Yourself for Courageous Conversations

Author and activist, Glennon Doyle, says, “I see your fear and it is big. I also see your courage and it is bigger. We can do hard things.”

Your boldness may spark resistance in others. This is especially true if they expect you not to be bold. Expect resistance so you are not caught off guard when it happens. Consider who you expect to resist, in what way, when and how. That way you can start to prepare yourself.

Have the difficult conversations. Expect uncomfortableness and stay true to your values.

Use “I statements” since you are explaining why something matters to you.

Not everyone will agree with you. That’s ok. You may still learn from their viewpoint. For example, even if you don’t agree with their stance there is a chance that others may have the same objection. By listening to their objection, you can note it and address it in your opening argument to the next person so you can acknowledge it right away and then move past it.

Another idea is to carefully decide who you share things with and what you share. Don’t share your dream project with the naysayers, or as we like to call them, the Dream Slayers.

Step 4 Proactively Create a Plan to Maintain Boldness

You don’t want your boldness to be a passing phase and you don’t want to lose momentum.

Momentum will matter to you and to others.

What supports will you build in to keep you bold, courageous and confident? Will they be people? Notes you leave yourself? If you are not naturally courageous and confident, how can you make sure that you celebrate your wins and build a plan for continued success? How will you celebrate your successes and who can you go to in difficult times so you don’t give up?
What physical reminders will you create to remind you that you are being bold in alignment with your values? An examples could include a vision board.

Here is our example of boldness.

When we started this podcast we knew we were going to needed to be bold and take a risk, putting ourselves out there to do something we had never done before. We also knew were going to need momentum to keep it going. Why? Here are a few interesting podcast statistics:

At the time of this recording:

4 million podcasts have been started
Of those 4 million only 20% make it past 10 episodes
Of those 20% that make it past 10 episodes, only 20% post of them post on a weekly basis

This is episode 25, and we have posted a new episode every Wednesday since we started this podcast! It is not because we are better than the millions of other podcasters who haven’t had 25 consecutive weekly episodes, it’s because we were intentional about keeping our momentum.

How? First, we have each other. Second, we record our stats. Paula looks at them regularly and updates them in our spreadsheet so we can visually track our progress and see the impact we are making. Every time we hit a milestone we celebrate together. When we made the list of top Education podcasts in Barbados? Yep, we celebrated. List of top podcasts in India, yep, more celebrating!

Every month, we watch the numbers as we move up in the rankings of Educational podcasts in the US and globally. Talk about motivation! You give that to us every time you listen to a podcast! We continue to be bold because you are our motivation.

Being bold matters. When you are living boldly:

You are living closer to your values.
You will have more personal fulfillment and happiness.
Others will benefit from your commitment.
You can make the world a better place.

Grow, Advance and Elevate Yourself

Is building your boldness easy? No, not always. Is being bold in things that matter to you important? Absolutely.

Fred Joyal, who we referenced earlier in this podcast, once wrote, “As I present people with the possibility of becoming bolder, one of the classic defense mechanisms they default to is saying, ‘This just isn’t me.’ From wherever you are on the boldness scale, you can choose to grow, advance, and elevate yourself to untold heights of boldness until you are superbold, summoning it whenever you choose. You’ll still be that essential you. Just a more wonderful version.”

Recap

You can be bold. Once you know what is important to you, speaking up or taking bold action can be not only rewarding, but life fulfilling.

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

Inspired Together Teachers podcast episode 17, Get Out of Your Head

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Facebook Teacher Warriors Group: Teacher Warriors Facebook Group

Linked In: Inspired Together Teachers

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

What’s Draining Your Energy? Ep. 22

July 26, 2023 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

What’s Draining Your Energy? S. 2 Ep.22

Listen to this episode to find out how to stop the things that are draining your energy.

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

Have you ever started out a day or week with lots of energy only to find that you are somehow drained of all of that energy, leaving you feeling frustrated, tired, or maybe even angry? In today’s episode we are going to discuss what might be draining your energy and talk about solutions to the problem. Your energy is important; you’re going to want to hear today’s episode!

In this episode:

We all need energy to do our best work and enjoy our lives outside of work. Every action you take- and even action you don’t take, can drain your energy. Energy is not just physical, it is also mental and emotional.

How do you think of energy? Is it something you are given? Is it something you create?

Brendan Burchard says, “The power plant does not have energy, it makes energy.”

Like the power plant, energy isn’t something that just exists in you. Energy involves taking what is coming to you and controlling it in ways that help you to have energy. You can have more or less energy, depending on how you react and control life’s circumstances.

The first step is to notice where your energy flows well and where you are lose your energy. Once you figure out what is causing your lack of energy, you can address it.

What is draining you of your precious energy? What can you do to reclaim that energy?

Quote:

“You often feel tired, not because you’ve done too much, but because you’ve done too little of what sparks light in you.”

Alexander den Hejer

Fix the small things that are draining you.

Let’s start with the little things. Little things add up. Sometimes, the easiest fix to draining energy is just to deal with little things that have been piling up.

We’ve probably all done this-letting dishes build up in the sink. We don’t wash a few dishes from breakfast, which would have been a five minute job. Then we skip dishes again, now it is a 20 minutes job. Two days later we have a pile of dirty dishes. You get to the point you just want to burn the kitchen down.

In the meantime, those dishes have been nagging at you! Every time you go near the kitchen, it drains your energy a little bit.

It’s like vampire electricity. When you have many different appliances plugged in, you don’t realize they are using electricity even if you’re not using them at the moment, but they are. They might have a small light on in the control box, for example the little on the microwave or stove panel. It’s no big thing, but if you have dozens of things using tiny bits of electricity, it adds up. Those things are literally draining energy!

Here are some more examples of little things that drain your energy bit by bit:

A messy desk which means it takes more time to find something

A missing button on a shirt that you keep reaching for in the morning before you realize you can’t wear it

You keep putting if off making an appointment, for example driving around with the maintenance light on in your car.

Make a list of all the little things in your house or at school that are bugging you. What are you putting up with?

Consider taking a few minutes to sew on that button or make that appointment. Or set aside an hour and see how many of those little things you can take care of. It will feel good to cross them off the list.

Every little thing that you are tolerating is draining you down.

Look for things you are doing that are emotionally draining you.

You might be worrying.

We worry about things that haven’t happened yet, and might never happen.
We worry about what others think of us.
We worry about problems out of our control.
We worrying about things that have happened in the past.

Worrying is a habit, and we can learn to worry less by remembering this quote from Barbara Cameron, “Worry about tomorrow steals the joy from today.”

Another example of emotional energy drain is comparison.

You can’t control what others think of you.
Comparison often caused by too much social media or FOMO.
Comparison steals your joy and drains your energy.

Another emotional drain leak is getting involved in things that are not yours to do.

You get involved in someone else’s drama.
You spending time and energy on things you shouldn’t do, for example taking on someone else’s work.
You are working on something that is not in your circle of influence.

Solutions for emotionally draining experiences:

Notice what is draining you emotionally. Spend quiet time to think, meditate, journal, pray- these things often help bring you back to your center and can calm anxiety and stress.

Focus on things you can control. You might want to listen to episodes 6 and 7 to help you set priorities and prevent, reduce and eliminate stress.

Look at things that are physically draining you.

You already know these things so we will just mention them briefly.

What are the things that drain your physical energy:

Lack of sleep

Lack of hydration

Unhealthy food and drinks

Lack of physical activity- Physical activity actually gives you energy, though it seems in the moment like it is taking it.

Unfulfilled medical needs- a nagging toothache, physical pain in the body

Pay attention to what your body needs. You will never have enough energy by skipping these essentials.

We also lose energy through draining relationships.

We have all kinds of relationships, some by choice and some by birth or through work. There are things that can drain our energy in all kinds of relationships. You can’t control all the people in your life or all the ways they may drain you, but you can control your reactions.

You may have to deal with gossipy family and friends, emotional meltdowns of your children, or other issues with family members or colleagues who drain your energy. Some relationships are especially difficult, leaving you feeling frustrated or even angry.

These people are energy vampires. The energy vampire tends to be pessimistic. When there is an opportunity, they will see all the ways that it won’t work.

Energy vampires often engage in negative talk. It is true that sometimes we just need to vent to someone we trust. However, some people have negativity bias that works on overload, allowing them to see all the ways other people are problems without seeing the strengths that they bring.

Energy vampires resist change. “The way we have always done it is fine, thanks.” “We tried that years ago and it didn’t work.” Along with this attitude comes an unwillingness to problem solve. “What’s the point? It won’t work anyway.”

Inflexible people often see the world in black and white. It is often all or nothing with this kind of person. They tend to have strict rules and never relax them. They are quick to see right or wrong and not willing to look at individual circumstances. They may also struggle with empathy, seeing someone else as wrong or bad.

Energy vampires can also be grumpy. You smile or say good morning and they answer with a grunt. They are irritated by cheerful people. They are not inclined to engage in social niceties. This type of person can easily take the wind out of your sails and change your attitude if you let them.

How to deal with an energy draining person:

Don’t take things personally. Their attitude is not about you or caused by you.

Paula shares that in situations where she is reminding herself not to take things personally, she often tries to channel her inner Dr. Phil. If you remember Dr. Phil, he was often heard saying, “It’s not about you!”

Understand that you may not be able to change the person.

Do your best to stay positive and not let their energy affect your own energy. Try to reframe their statements in a productive way or at the very least, try not to perpetuate the negativity.

Keep this little mantra in your pocket:

“I will not let this person frustrate me or make me angry. I choose not to let this person change my attitude.”

There may be times when you can choose to limit your exposure to people who drain you, though there are some relationships you want or need to keep in your life.

We also want to say that when dealing with severe conflicts or heavy emotional trauma due to relationships, you may need professional help.

Doing things that do not align with your values drains your energy.

When we expend time on things that are not important to us, or where we don’t find purpose, it often feels energy draining.

Examine how you are spending your time. Do the things you are spending time on have purpose for you?

Here is an example. You are asked to be involved in running a school or charity event. It will require a good deal of your time. Is the cause important to you? Will it positively impact people you care about? Is it within your circle of influence? Asking yourself these kinds of questions and considering how it will align with your values will help you make wise choices.

Doing too many things that don’t align with your values will drain your energy.

Make sure you find time for things that you love. Alexander den Hejer says,

“You often feel tired, not because you’ve done too much, but because you’ve done too little of what sparks light in you.”

Take time every day to do something you love to do, something that sparks a light in you. Go for a walk, read a book, paint, cook, talk with a friend. Even just a few minutes a day will help you to renew your energy. Doing something you love is like wearing garlic around your neck to ward off an energy draining vampire.

Don’t spend all of your time invested in things that distract you from your real priorities.

Recap:

We want to maximize our energy. When it comes to energy, you don’t have energy, you create it. Being aware of where you can create energy and what is draining your energy can help you to have the energy to do the things you want to do in you life.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

https://inspiredtogetherteachers.com/dont-be-the-colleague-that-others-want-to-avoid/

Podcasts episode 6: Set Priorities to Take Back Your Life

Podcast episode 7: Prevent, Eliminate and Reduce Stress

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Facebook Teacher Warriors Group: Teacher Warriors Facebook Group

Linked In: Inspired Together Teachers

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

Build Your Star System of Support E. 20

July 12, 2023 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

Build Your Star System of Support S.2 Ep.20

Listen to this episode to learn why you need a star system of support and how teachers are better when they work together.

Show Notes:

Good bye dream team- hello star system! In this episode we’re going to describe why the superstar teacher is a myth. You can be a superstar, you just can’t be one alone. Teaching today is tough and we need more than a dream team. What we need is an entire constellation because together, we can all shine more brightly.

You’ve probably heard of or used the phrase “dream team” or better yet, you actually work with a dream team! We all need a system of support in our lives. Today, we are going to expand our idea of support. But first, let’s talk about the superstar teacher. Maybe you are one, or you know one, or you wish you were one.

The solo, inspirational, hero, teacher is a myth.

American Society teaches us that it is our individual efforts that help us to thrive. We love a good hero story. We revere story of the struggling person who pulls him or herself up by their bootstraps and achieves great things. We covet being the best- the top of the class, the fastest on the team, and honor the individual pursuit of excellence.

In school, we are judged and graded on our individual work. Yet in life, our success is often interconnected with that of others.

We’ve seen the myth of the individual hero in teaching. Our favorite teacher movies honor the solo teacher who works hard and through their personal efforts, often a great sacrifice to their personal life, changes a student, a class, or an entire school. The stories are inspiring, but often, not realistic.

These teacher movies focus on the lone teacher and things they do to inspire their students and bring about change.

What you don’t see is all the other people behind the scenes, sharing the load and helping that teacher. Let’s face it, it might not make for a good movie, but it is the way things work in the real world.

There are huge benefits in working together.

In his book Big Potential: How Transforming the Pursuit of Success Raises our Achievement, Happiness and Well-being Shawn Achor busts the myth that we achieve our best through our solo work as we work hard and strive for success.

Achor’s research suggests that we need to stop trying to do everything alone.

Here are some key findings:

Working together allows us to find more energy, share resources, and lessen our stress. Those are three HUGE problems teachers today face.
We are also smarter together. We are stronger and more creative. We are also more resilient.
Strong teamwork is even connected to measurable better health.
When we work together, we not only raise the performance of the group, but we also increase our own potential.

Strong teamwork leads to better success and more personal happiness.

Teachers need the benefits of working together.

Teachers today are desperate to reduce stress and increase resilience. Resilience grows when you have a strong support system of people who believe in you. Another reason is that teachers need more time and energy and a better balance in home and work lives. We can accomplish more if we work together and share the work.

Being surrounded by people who will lift you up is a game changer. The more people we have to share stress and offer solutions, the lighter our personal load will be.

“The more you help people find their light, “Achor says, “ the brighter you both will shine” (p.18).

Achor also says, “We all have the power to make others better. And when we commit to using that power, there is no limit to what we can accomplish” (p. 54).

You may have heard or used the phrase “dream team.” Achor calls this system of support a “star system.”

Achor’s research consistently shows one strong conclusion:

“You can be a superstar; you just can’t be one alone. What you need is a star system, a constellation of positive, authentic influencers who support each other, reinforce each other, and make each other better.” (p.68).

In work and life, Achor shares, the way to win is to create a star system, a group of people whose members “assist each other, carry each other on their shoulders, and make each other better” (p.68).

How can you build a star system of support?

Recognize the talents and gifts of yourself and your colleagues.

We each have talents and gifts. It is easy to take our own talents for granted. We think, if I can do something easily, everyone must be able to do it easily. In reality, others struggle with things that come naturally to you. Likewise, others do naturally what you struggle to do.

Recognize what it is that you do well. Do you relate well to students? Do you have a great sense of humor and use it effectively in your classroom? Are you very organized? Do you connect well with parents? Do you use technology successfully?

How can you help a colleague by using your strengths? Look for appropriate times to share your special knowledge or skill with others.

Do you know the strengths and gifts of others at your school?

Respect the various strengths that each person brings to the group. If someone likes to keep the conversation focused, assign them the role of group facilitator. If another person has a strength with organization, allow them to prepare the materials for the meeting and handle follow-up contacts.

Take time to learn the strengths each person brings to your school. Then, embrace and build upon those strengths.

You can also create a star system by finding shared dreams and vision.

It is easy to see the ways we are all different. If we focus only on our differences, it is difficult to build community.

Look beyond the differences with your colleagues. There are human attributes you share. Perhaps you are all working to help a particular student achieve. Perhaps you share the vision of how to transform your school. Perhaps you are united in the face of a district challenge.

When we look past our differences and into our shared dreams and vision, we can use that synergy to help us create better classrooms and schools.

Imagine what the world would be like if we saw everyone, no matter their age, gender, ethnicity, ability, religion or political beliefs, as a co-creator of a shared dream. The world would be a better place.

Brene Brown says, “It’s hard to hate people close up.”

Finally, you can create a star system by being intentional about and not feeling guilty about sharing the work.

Just like you can’t look at one person and say “that’s a dream team”, you can’t look up in the sky and see one star that makes up an entire constellation. It is a group effort. Even if one person has to shine a little brighter at one time or another, each person is still a part of something bigger, it has to be a group effort.

Recently a team member on the women’s Belgian track team was injured. The team risked getting disqualified from an important meet. A shot putter agreed to take one for the team and ran the hurdles. She was not a hurdler, and actually stepped over the hurdles rather than jumping over them. Her efforts, even though she came in last, kept the team from being disqualified and actually gave them two points towards the final score.

When we share our talents, find a shared dream or vision, and share in building greatness in our school, we are using our community to help us thrive.

How can you create your own personal star system of support?

We all need different types of support. find people who can support you in the following ways:

Someone who cheers you on

Someone who you can confide in

Someone who can mentor you

Someone who motivates you

Someone who stretches you

Someone who brings fun

Someone who believes in your dreams

Someone who loves you unconditionally

Know that in true reciprocity, you are also likely performing these same roles for others in your life.

Your system of support is important, now more than ever.

We end this podcast with a comment sent to us by a teacher. We included it in our book, The Inspired Teacher’s Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self. Our book is full of quotes and advice from teachers. Here’s a shout out to Dani Way-Lawler, a high school special education teachers for her quote:

“Find your Teacher People and love them hard. Teaching is hard and wonderful all at the same time. No one can do it alone. Find those people who will cry with you, let you vent, laugh with you, help turn crazy ideas into reality, support you, build you up and celebrate victories with you. Hold them tight. They are the ones who will tell you that you can do it, even when you don’t think you can.”

You can be a superstar, you just can’t be one alone. Find your people and together you can create a star system of support.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Big Potential: How Transforming the Pursuit of Success Raises Our Achievement, Happiness, and Well Being by Shawn Achor

13 Inspiring Teacher Movies

Quote:

Shawn Achor

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Facebook Teacher Warriors Group: Teacher Warriors Facebook Group

Linked In: Inspired Together Teachers

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

What Every Teacher Needs to Know About Resilience S.2 E.27

Listen to this episode to find out why resilience for teachers is both needed and beneficial, and you can become more resilient.

Show notes:

Episode Summary:

In this episode:

What is resilience?

Why do we need to be resilient?

Here are some times when you might have been resilient in your teaching….

How can you become more resilient?

Recap:

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

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Who influences You? S. 2 E. 26

Listen to this episode to understand who influences you and how they affect your attitudes, behaviors, beliefs and actions.

Show Notes

Episode Summary:

Quotes:

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

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The Courage to Be Bold S. 2 E.25

Listen to this episode to learn why being bold is good and 4 steps you can take to have the courage to be bold.

Show Notes

Episode summary:

In this episode:

Building Your Boldness

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What’s Draining Your Energy? S. 2 Ep.22

Show Notes:

Fix the small things that are draining you.

Here are some more examples of little things that drain your energy bit by bit:

Look for things you are doing that are emotionally draining you.

Solutions for emotionally draining experiences:

Look at things that are physically draining you.

We also lose energy through draining relationships.

How to deal with an energy draining person:

Doing things that do not align with your values drains your energy.

Share this:

Build Your Star System of Support S.2 Ep.20

Listen to this episode to learn why you need a star system of support and how teachers are better when they work together.

Show Notes:

The solo, inspirational, hero, teacher is a myth.

There are huge benefits in working together.

Here are some key findings:

Teachers need the benefits of working together.

How can you build a star system of support?

Recognize the talents and gifts of yourself and your colleagues.

Do you know the strengths and gifts of others at your school?

You can also create a star system by finding shared dreams and vision.

Finally, you can create a star system by being intentional about and not feeling guilty about sharing the work.

How can you create your own personal star system of support?

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Quote:

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