Season 6 Episode 95
Check out this episode if you want to learn what NOT to do!
Show notes:
Episode Summary:
We’re flipping the script today. Instead of talking about the things we want, or things we should do, we’re talking about what we DON’T want. These are things to avoid- things that will rob you of joy and happiness and life satisfaction.
Stay tuned and listen up so you don’t fall into the trap of any of this 5 dreaded “D’s”.
In this episode:
This is an outline of the show. For the full experience, listen to the episode where we often tell stories and give examples of the content.
Introduction:
We often think and talk about what we want in our lives. It is easy and hopeful to look for the positive things.We tend to be positive people, so we like to look at the positive side of things.
Perhaps, occasionally, it is useful to think about what we don’t want. That is not something we do often on the podcast, so today we are flipping the script. It might be useful to think about what we don’t want, so we can appropriate steps to make sure that we don’t get those things.
The 5 Dreaded D’s
As we look at what we want in our lives, it is easy to eliminate the things we don’t want. Let’s talk about what we are going to call “the five dreaded D’s”.
1.Disconnected
To be disconnected means that we are disconnected from people, places, or things or activities we love, or things that are important to us.
It often means that there is a lack of communication or misunderstandings between people. It can mean you are separated from people you used to have a good connection with but no longer have any connection.
If you are disconnected, you might experience FOMO, fear of missing out. No one likes to left out.
If you’re disconnected, you might miss something important. That could be an event, or a learning opportunity or even a party. You want to be a part of things.
Being disconnected to lead to loneliness or isolation. In a severe detachment, you could become separated from reality.
In episode #93 we discussed the importance of connection to our happiness and life satisfaction. Disconnection can have the opposite effect. If you are feeling disconnected, listen to episode 93. You might need to find more connections in your life.
Paula: An example of being disconnected is when you move to another place or a different job. You feel disconnected from that place or group of friends or coworkers and they continue on without you. You know they are going out to dinner without you, you wish you were there with them. You are disconnected, and it can hurt.
Michele: In my family there was a long disconnection. My husband’s grandfather had a falling out with his siblings and they did not see each other or communicate for fifty years. A few of them came to his funeral. I thought that was sad. It was such a missed opportunity to have lost all those years together.
Social media can really make people feel disconnected. Not only do you feel disconnected, but because pictures are posted on line you can actually see what other people are experiencing that you are not experiencing.
Notice when you are feeling disconnected. How can you reconnect or find new people to connect with?
2.Discontented
If you have a vague feeling that there is something more or something better, that you are missing out on something you want to have or to be, you are discontented. You have a longing for something better than the present situation.
If you are feeling unhappy because you want better treatment or an improved situation, you are discontented.
You’ll usually recognize when someone is discontent because they will complain. They can also be agitated, irritable, or angry.
People who are not satisfied with their lives are often miserable. They can also be miserable to be around.
We’ve probably all know someone like that.
Michele: I think of the stereotype of the gruff, old person who complains about everything. Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street is an example, he lives in misery and lets everyone know about it.
Paula: One of the things you can do when you feel discontented is to recognize it and then use it for change. I always feel it just before I consider a job change. I listen to my body, and my heart and I feel it. Then I listen and consider the possibilities of what I might want to change. This is how you can use that feeling of being discontented in a positive way to get what you need so you don’t become Oscar the Grouch.
If you are constantly feeling discontented, it is a sign that you might need to change something in your life.
3.Disillusioned
Something in your life isn’t what you expected it to be. You work hard, why isn’t life better or easier? Or you had a dream, why isn’t it turning out the way you hoped? To be disillusioned is to be disappointed in how something turned out.
Disillusionment means you have a plan or dream, but it didn’t go your way. Or perhaps once you get to know a person, they aren’t what you expected them to be. It is a form of disappointment, but disillusionment is more permanent.
Michele: I would use the word disillusioned to explain how I felt about my first trip to Disney World. I never went as a child, so I was an adult, which might be part of the problem. I’d heard so many things for so many years about the magic and the fun and the happiness. I thought it was entirely overhyped and overpriced. The lines were long, the rides weren’t that great and everything seems so incredible fake to me. Don’t send me negative comments for saying this- if you love Disney that’s great. I’m not trying to steal your joy. I’m glad it made you happy. I even went back a couple of times, thinking that I must have missed something the first time. Nope, I had the same feeling. Disney was disillusionment for me.
Paula: For me Disney is magic. There is nothing like seeing the magic through the eyes of you your five year old who wants to be a princess. That just shows how different people can feel disillusioned by different things. Where I have found disillusionment is in things I have volunteered for. For example, sometimes I get on a committee and the people are nitpicky or stuck in details and we’re not doing when I thought we were going to do. Sometimes I set really high goals for all the wonderful things we can do, and then I get disillusioned when I get stuck in the details. Then it is worse when I realize I am on that committee for three years.
Disillusionment is something to watch for in your life. Disillusionment will often bring you to make a decision- do I stay with what I am doing and keep having this feeling, or do I try to change something? It is not always an easy decision, but it is worth weighing your options.
4.Disenchanted
Disenchantment is a similar to feeling disillusioned, but we mean it as the opposite of enchanted. There is no magic or mystery or element of surprise or fun or playfulness. When something is enchanting, it is special and kind of unworldly. You might literally say it is magical.
Michele: I think it is easy to feel enchanted as a child. There are so many things that are big and special and almost larger than life. I think of fireworks and holiday decorations. When I was a kid, I would marvel at the houses that had big blow-up Santas in the front. I loved them. Or cotton candy at the fair, it was super sweet and sticky and not like any other food I had ever had. Those things were very enchanting to me then, but now leave me feeling disenchanted.
On the other hand, there is a room at The Art Institute in Chicago that is full of doll houses that are very detailed, even created to scale and with historical details that are accurate to the time. They are full of tiny little furniture and have tiny dishes on the table and tiny art on the walls. I loved those houses as a child and I still do. They still enchant me, so I’m not disenchanted by those.
Paula: There are things we are going to be disenchanted about. For me, it is Twinkies. I loved those as a child, now they don’t taste so good. What is that white stuff inside of them?
Once you know how the sausage is made you can’t ever look at it the same way. When you see behind the details, how something works or is made, it is no longer enchanting.
When you do find something enchanting, try to experience it again. What do you find enchanting? How can you make something enchanting happen or experience something that enchants you again?
5.Disempowered
If you are disempowered, you aren’t living into your best self. Things have gotten away from you. You aren’t empowered to give or be your best. Perhaps you have no control or no power to create something or do something.
Of all the things on this list, disempowered is possibly the most serious. To have no power is limiting to you as a person. Without power you are weak and ineffectual, and possible unimportant or unvalued.
Disempowered also means that you’re have been deprived of or barred or excluded from activities or don’t have certain privileges that others have. It can mean that something has been taken from you or that something has been stolen from you. Maybe it is that you didn’t have it in the first place, but you should have had it.
Paula: Think of kids. They often don’t have any power at school. As adults we have so much more power in school and at home. Adults can make decisions. If they want a bowl of ice cream at 5:00 they can have it. Kids don’t always have the choice to just go get a bowl of ice cream, an adult will tell them no, not before supper. If a teacher at school sees that it is a nice day, they can decide to go out and take a nature walk. Students don’t get to decide to go outside on a nice day.
When we think of motivation, we often talk about giving students choices. When you choices, you are likely to be more engaged. We don’t have to give choices in everything, but even just a few choices will increase motivation. Choices help you to feel empowered.
People talk about kids having a power struggle. Why is it always such a problem when kids want power? It is not always such a bad thing. Kids just want to be empowered too. They need some power to understand what it means to be empowered. Think about how you can give them some power in a positive way. We don’t want to raise children who never feel what it is to be empowered.
Being disempowered is the cause of many of the struggles people have against each other. When one group has the power and prevents others from having power, that disequilibrium can be devastating. There are not many circumstance in which being disempowered is a positive thing. If an individual has no control over their own life, they are not able to do what they want to do and make the choices that are best for them. That is the opposite of living an intentional life.
Conclusion:
There they are, five things you don’t want in your life. After thinking about these things, we hope you recognize them when they creep into your life and proactivity try to prevent them from becoming a part of the way you choose to live everyday.
Recap:
When you think about the things you want to have in your life, and we hope you do, it might also be helpful to think about what you don’t want. You don’t want to be disconnected, discontented, disillusioned, disenchanted, and disempowered. You may feel these feelings from time to time, but you don’t have to live there.
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Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.
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