Living with, Working With, and Loving Enneagram Type 6 Ep. 111

April 9, 2025 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

Season 7, Episode 111

Check out this episode to learn the patterns and behaviors of an Enneagram Type 6.

Show notes:

Episode Summary:

Do you ever wonder how some people can be so loyal and faithful? Do you value those stable people in your life but also wonder how you can help them to stop fearing the worst case scenarios?

When we say words like “loyal” “devoted” and “dependable” who do you think of? The person, or people, who just came to your mind are likely an Enneagram Type Six. People who fit the characteristics of an Enneagram Type Six are some of our most tried and true friends and they can also be some of our most worrisome family members, friends and students.

This episode is one in our series individually exploring each of the 9 types of people identified using the Enneagram. Enneagram is a tool for understanding patterns of behavior in ourselves and others.

Today, as certified Enneagram trainers, we are sharing ways we have learned that can help us all best love, live with, work with and teach others who are Enneagram Type 6s. As a result of learning about this Enneagram type you will see improvements in your communications and relationships with the Type 6s in your life.

In this episode:

The following notes are not a complete transcript of the episode. On the podcast, we often discuss examples and share stories to illustrate specific points. For the best experience, please listen to the podcast.

Introduction:

Before we jump into discuss the Enneagram Type 6s in our lives, the “Loyal People” in our lives, let’s quickly review what the Enneagram is, why it matters, and what we caution before we dive into the behaviors, patterns, and motivations of the Type 6s.

We have several different episodes on the Enneagram that give you a more wholistic view, but in short, the Enneagram is a free and insightful tool provides us with a lens that helps us to understand the patterns of behaviors in ourselves and others. The Enneagram helps us to see what motivates ourselves and others and we can also learn ways to best work with and live with the people in our lives who are not the same Enneagram type that we personally are. Using the Enneagram, people are categorized into 1 of 9 types based on their motivations and behaviors.

Today we are specifically talking about Enneagram Type 6, how to live with them, love them, teach them, and best interact with them on a daily basis at home and at school.

A few words of caution before we dig into learning about Enneagram Type 6:

Whether or not you know your type, we recommend that you listen to the episodes for each type. You may recognize yourself, but you will also recognize these patterns in others. The Enneagram is used for personal growth and transformation, but its power also is in the better understanding others. Understanding the patterns of all of the types opens the door to better relationships and better supporting people who know, love, live with or teach.

We don’t recommend trying to type others, especially children who are still forming their behavior patterns. We can’t always type others, because we don’t always know the motivation behind what they do, and your motivations are key to your Enneagram patterns. What we CAN do is look at behaviors and things they say and those give us clues as to how to best understand a person and build better relationships with them.

Always remember that we are more than our type. This is just one way of looking at an entire person.

There is a saying that all theories are wrong and yet some are useful.

Patterns of Enneagram Type 6

Think of the people you know- your friends, family, colleagues, and students you teach.

Here are the types of patterns, behaviors, or phrases you may see that are typical of type 6 patterns:

They some of the most loyal and supportive people in your life.
They are often called the “Loyalists”.
They prioritize helping themselves and those the love to feel safe and secure in the world.
They fear insecurity so they plan ways to be prepared and vigilant for impending disasters. Because of this they are sometimes referred to as the “skeptics”.
They are risk avoidant.
Once you have earned their trust, they will become your allies for life. This is also true of their workplaces. Once they trust the people in their workplace, they are likely to stay. They can even be loyal to a fault sometimes, not abandoning bad workplaces, toxic people or bad ideas.
They do not have commitment issues, quite the opposite. Once they commit, they are all in.
They long for a sense of secure belonging and are very aware, always on the lookout for security AND for potential threats to their security.
They value traditions and doing things the way they have been done in the past.

Let’s consider this example of an Enneagram Type Six you might encounter in a school setting:

Parent volunteers are great and you have the absolute best in your classroom. She has been AMAZING at asking all the right questions and learning everything she needs to know to be the best parent helper that she can be. She is proactive in all of the best ways. In her purse she has everything anyone could ever need- band aids, scissors, any random item you would ever need is in there.

Now, let’s say you are going on a class field trip to a dude ranch (Paula- I actually got to do that field trip and it was my students’ favorite) and she is coming along to help. In the weeks leading up to the field trip she has come to you with concerns about all of the potential issues she can think of- allergies, emergencies, severe weather, students getting kicked by a horse, etc. You have done this trip many times and know it is all going to be okay but despite your reassurances she is anxious and thinks maybe you should cancel.

You probably are already thinking about what a Type Six child looks like in the classroom. These are the kids that are reliable, vigilant and supportive of their peers. They are unwavering and steadfast. They are curious to learn but probably avoid risk because it causes them too much anxiety. They like the school and classroom routines and get thrown off when you switch up the agenda for something completely new and unsure for them. They work to help you keep the classroom a safe space physically and psychologically. If there is a worst case scenario for something you are planning, they have probably already considered it and may have even come to the conclusion that the ending of the project or assignment will be catastrophic. They will be pleasantly surprised when it all works out but will still design worst-case scenarios for upcoming projects. They will not rock the boat, or make a big deal, but in their head they are often planning for the worst.

Tips and Strategies for Working Effectively with people who exhibit Enneagram Type 6 patterns:

First, and foremost remember that they, as Sixes, are likely not driven by the same things you are. What motivates you, may not motivate them. Take time to slow down, before responding to them, to consider what is motivating them and driving their behaviors. This will help you to better understand their actions. Here are the typical motivatoions of an Enneagram Type Six:
- Their main fear is insecurity. They are motivated to make their lives, and the lives of those they love, more secure.
- They want safety and stability.
- Their basic desire is to feel secure and supported.
Determine their strengths and hidden potential. Find ways to incorporate these more in your relationship.
Consider how you can address potentially negative patterns in a positive way.

Strengths and Challenges and Opportunities for Growth:

Strengths:

Great trouble-shooters
Hard-working
Trustworthy
Loyal friends and family members
Are stable and provide stability
They are “true blue” friends
Dependable
Devoted

Challenges:

They can be very anxious
Catastrophic thinking
Can become defensive if others don’t following their thinking
They run on stress and anxiety, even while complaining about the stress and anxiety causing factors
They can respond to their fears by pledging themselves to something or someone that appears to offer stability, even if it is not a good choice and then stick to it and get stuck there.

Opportunities for growth in your relationships with 6s:

Help remind them to live in the moment- that worrying about all future bad events or outcomes will not help them in the present. Mindfullness work is good for them.
Reassure them and help them to feel supported to relieve some of their anxiety. Model for them that change can be good and uncertainty can be okay sometimes.
Work with them on determining when too much loyalty is enough. For example, if the “ship is sinking” help them to see why they are ok to get off and protect themselves.
Work with them on ways of reducing anxiety in their lives. Take a yoga class with that Six friend. All the Six student in your class to take a walk in the hallway to ease their anxiety. Teach your Six niece deep breathing techniques.
Help them to defend themselves as much as they defend those they love in order to not be taken advantage of.
Give them roles where their strengths can be appreciated and their challenges reduced. For example, put them in charge of making sure you don’t forget any of the school classroom traditions or help them to create new classroom traditions that make sure all of the students feel safe and welcomed in your classroom.
Consider what you have learned about Type Sixess and capitalize on the strengths of the sixes in their work and life. Help them to recognize their own strengths and limitations so they can set themselves up for success.

Conclusion:

People who are Enneagram Type Sixes are wonderful assets to our lives. They are loyal, trustworthy, compassionate and reliable. They are “true blue” and are there for you when you need them and are looking out for you even when you may not realize it. By recognizing their strengths and challenges and understanding strategies to best live with, love, work with, and teach them, you can make everyone’s lives easier and achieve more together.

Recap:

Today we explored how to best understand and communicate with Type Sixes in your home, with your friends, and with your school and your classroom. Having this understanding will make interactions with Sixes in your life easier and can help to improve their lives and your own.

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Inspired Together Teachers Network Facebook Group

Linked In: Inspired Together Learning

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to live inspired lives.

Living with, Working With, and Loving Enneagram Type 3 Ep. 108

March 19, 2025 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

Season 7 Episode 108

Check out this episode to understand the patterns of Enneagram Type 3 and how to best to work with, love or teach them.

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

Looking for motivation? Want to learn from someone successful and driven? Want to be more efficient and organized? The Enneagram Type 3s in our lives are perfect examples of productivity and we can learn a lot from them.

The Enneagram is a tool for understanding patterns of behavior in ourselves and others. In the 9 types of people identified in the Enneagram, the Type 3s are the successful, productive and motivational people in our lives. They can also be some of the most competitive people we know.

Today, as certified Enneagram trainers, we are sharing ways we have learned that can help us all best love, live with, work with and teach others who are Enneagram Type 3’s. As a result of learning about this Enneagram type you will see improvements in your communications and relationships with the Type Threes in your life.

In this episode:

Introduction:

Why do we love the tool of the Enneagram? Oh, let us count the ways. (lol)

We won’t take time in this episode to tell you all the reasons we love the Enneagram as we have done that in other episodes, but we will tell you that the Enneagram as a free and insightful tool provides us with a lens that helps us to understand the patterns of behaviors in ourselves and others. The Enneagram helps us to see what motivates ourselves and others and we can also learn ways to best work with and live with the people in our lives who are not the same Enneagram type that we personally are. Using the Enneagram, people are categorized into 1 of 9 types based on their motivations and behaviors. Today we are specifically talking about Enneagram Type 3s – how to live with them, befriend them, stay friends with them, teach them, love them and best interact with them on a daily basis.

The Enneagram Type 3s in our lives and our classrooms are those achievers, the motivators, the competitors. Making things happen is second nature for them. They make great teammates and friends but their quick work and eye on efficiency can be challenging at times. Today, we will explore this more.

A few words of caution before we dig into learning about Enneagram Type 3s:

Always remember that we are more than our type. This is just one way of looking at an entire person.

There is a saying that all theories are wrong and yet some are useful.

Patterns of Enneagram Type 3:

Think of the people you know- your friends, family, colleagues, and students you teach.

Here are the types of patterns, behaviors, or phrases you may see that are typical of type 3 patterns:

They are the “go-getters” in your life and classroom. They are goal oriented and probably already have a detailed plan to get to the goal before the others around them have even had time to process the goal.
They are the “producers” the “networkers” the “do-ers”.
They are likely the most efficient member of your team. They give the motivational speeches in your family that convince everyone to join together to raise more funds for the charity than any other family in town. They are the kids on the playground organizing the competitive game of dodgeball and then they will make sure they are on the winning team.
They are the friends driving the flashy sports cars and carrying the designer handbags or wearing the clothes that reflect status. They like to be seen and they like people to know they are successful.
People fall into 3 centers in the Enneagram- the Head, the Heart and the Gut type. Of those centers, the Type 3 falls into the “heart type” and tend to listen to their hearts more than their head or bodies.
They will not waste time, will struggle with “wait and see” and can be intolerant of others who are unable or unwilling to move at the fast pace them have set for themselves and the rest of the group.
The type 3s in our lives have a clear picture of the goal and have a plan to reach it in the most efficient way possible.

Let’s Consider this example of an Enneagram Type Three who could work in a school:

Let’s say you just got a new principal in your school this year. She is high-energy and high-excitement. She has implemented monthly “staff pep-rallys” for the teachers to boost spirits and has high hopes to not only have the highest reading scores in the district this year, but she also wants to have the highest staff morale of any school in the district.

When she passes students and teachers in the hall, she is often heard saying, “Who’s the best school in town? We are! Make it a great day.” You are torn between feeling highly-motivated and extremely overwhelmed. You get the strong impression that she is determined to be the best school in the district and will not have any tolerance for people who are not on the same page as she is on.

The Enneagram Type 3 at home:

Maybe the Type 3 in your family is your cousin who organizes the family softball tournament each year. She takes care of all of the scheduling and organizing. When you offered to help set up the teams this year she told you she had already done that the day the RSVPs were due and that while your cousin Ed is a nice guy, she considered asking him not to play this year as he lack of athleticism is bringing the family average score down significantly. If Ed didn’t play, we just might beat the Jones family this year!

The child with Enneagram Type 3 patterns:

You probably are already thinking about what a type three child looks like in the classroom. These are the kids with the perfectly organized desks so they can grab their pencil faster than anyone else to get right to work once it is assigned. They are some of the hardest workers in the class, but their words can hurt when they are put in a group with others who are not as driven as they are. Three’s can struggle with group work.

Tips and strategies for working effectively with people who exhibit Enneagram Type 3 patterns:

First, and foremost remember that they, as Threes, are likely not driven by the same things you are. What motivates you, may not motivate them.
In your interactions, both positive and tough interactions with a Type threes, remember and consider what it is that is motivating them and driving their behaviors. They want to achieve so that they will get recognition, or love. This will help you to better understand their actions. Here are the typical motivators of a Type Three:
- They want to appear wonderful and accomplished
- They like to win and will avoid failure
- Getting the job done and done well is how they find fulfillment
- Their value comes from doing, not from being
- Their basic, deep-down fear, is of being worthless.
Determine their strengths and hidden potential. Find ways to incorporate these more in your relationship.
Consider how you can address potentially negative patterns in a positive way.
Type Threes build much of their identity from what they do and achieve. Be sure to notice their accomplishments and tell them that you noticed.
Threes can become preoccupied about the future and reaching the end goal. When they miss things you say, or may not be listening to your suggestions, it is likely because they have already moved on to thinking about what is next. Work with them to bring them back to the present so you can work forward together.

Strengths and Challenges and Opportunities for Growth:

Strengths:

Highly successful
Productive
Capable and Accomplished
Organized and complete tasks they start
Motivational leaders
They get things done!
Competent and capable
They are generally self-assured and are good networkers
Hard workers

Challenges:

Get irritated by people who slow down the process
Have little tolerance for people they perceive to be incompetent
Under pressure they can cut corners or push others to move too fast
Can become workaholics
Can become overly-competitive and want to appear as “the best”
Can become overly-anxious worrying about what others think of them.
Threes can be shallow, doing things just to be seen and noticed, they get their recognition and love from doing things, and sometimes will do just the things that get noticed

Opportunities for growth in your relationships with Threes:

Help remind them to live in the moment- that life isn’t just a list of boxes to check off or tasks to complete, to stop and smell the roses every once in awhile.
Give them roles where their strengths can be appreciated and their challenges reduced. For example, if you need a classroom organizer, they are your students. Or if you need someone to hype up your teaching team during a rough patch, let them give the pep talks. Let them lead the group of teachers excited about a new initiative but if at all possible, avoid putting them in charge of the group that likes to talk things out awhile before making decisions.
Consider what you have learned about Type Threes and capitalize on the strengths of the threes in their work and life. Help them to do the same for themselves. Help them to see the times when their competition and drive work in their favor and when it can make them unapproachable or unappreciated by others.

Conclusion:

People who are Enneagram Type 3 are wonderful assets to our lives. They get things done, they motivate us, and we can share in their success when we live and work alongside them. They may view and show up in the world in a very different way than you do but by recognizing their strengths and challenges and understanding strategies to best live with, love, work with and teach them, you can make everyone’s lives easier and achieve more together.

Recap:

Today we explored how to best understand and communicate with Type Threes in your home, your friend group, your school and your classroom. Having this understanding will make the interactions with Threes in your life easier and more pleasant.

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Inspired Together Teachers Network Facebook Group

Linked In: Inspired Together Learning

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to live inspired lives.

Living With, Working with and Loving Enneagram Type 2 Ep. 107

March 12, 2025 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

Season 7 Episode 107

Listen to this episode to better understand and work with Enneagram Type 2.

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

We LOVE the Enneagram as a tool because it helps us to better understand ourselves and others. In previous podcast episodes we have focused on how we can best understand ourselves using the tool of the Enneagram but today we are sharing ways we can best love, live with, work with and teach others who are Enneagram Type 2s.

We guarantee that you have a few Type 2s in your life and in the next 2o minutes or so we are going to share ways you can best love, work with and teach them. You will be glad you listened, and they will be too, because as a result of learning about their Enneagram type your communications will improve and your misunderstandings will dramatically decrease. Let’s get started…

In this episode:

Introduction:

We are both certified Enneagram trainers and we love to talk about this amazing tools that helps us to best understand ourselves and others. We have long held the belief that all teachers can benefit from this free and useful tool.

We all have our own Enneagram types, one of 9 types identified and explored through the Enneagram. Each Enneagram type has its own patterns of behavior, its own motivations and its own ways of being in the world.

Let’s say you are an Enneagram Type 8. You see the world and respond to your surroundings through the patterns and lenses of a Type 8. However, the odds of you being surrounded by Eights and only Eights is nearly impossible. Likely, you encounter all nine Enneagram types each day, maybe even before lunch. Each Enneagram number thinks and acts differently.

Today we are going to explore how to best understand and communicate with those Type Twos in your home, your friend group, your school and your classroom. Having this understanding will make the interactions with Twos in your live easier and more pleasant.

We have our own in house type 2, Paula is an Enneagram type 2.

A few words of caution before we dig into learning about Enneagram Type 2:

Whether or not you know your type, we recommend that you listen to the episodes for each type. You may recognize yourself, but you will also recognize these patterns in others. The Enneagram is used for personal growth and transformation, but its power also is in the better understanding others. Understand the patterns of all of the types opens the door to better relationships and better supporting people who know, love, or teach.

Always remember that we are more than our type. This is just one way of looking at an entire person.

There is a saying that all theories are wrong and yet some are useful.

Patterns of Enneagram Type 2

Think of the people you know- your friends, family, colleagues, and students you teach.

Here are the types of patterns, behaviors, or phrases you may see that are typical of type 2 patterns:

Twos fall into the “heart type”.
Twos are often the “givers” in the room.
They are empathetic, sometimes to the point that it gets in the way of relationships.
They often “follow their hearts” or think from a heart-centered approach.
Twos are compassionate, offer help, fix things, and may offer unsolicited advice
Twos often feel like their life’s work is to help and support others, even at the expense of their own needs.
They can be loving and generous, sometimes to a fault.
They are helpful but may be overly people pleasing or use that helpfulness to manipulate others.
Twos may be described, or describe themselves, as clingy or martyr-like.
Twos fear rejection, lack of appreciation and being unloved.

Let’s Consider this example of an Enneagram Type 2 who could work in a school:

Let’s say you have a wonderful paraprofessional working in your classroom named Mrs. Smith. She LOVES the kids and makes sure they all know how much she appreciates them. The students love Mrs. Smith back. She is always smiling with them and noticing all of the great work they do.

However, sometimes she helps a little too much. When she is working with a student and they get stuck on a problem, if they start to appear stressed, she gives them the answers so they are happy again. You see the negative impacts this can have on student learning.

You know you need to talk with her about this but you are worried that if you say something she is going to take offense since she believes her helping is what the students need. She also always goes above and beyond to make sure every teacher and para on the team is recognized, giving them lots of compliments and little gifts.

However, lately you have noticed that she gives to others to the degree that you are worried she is going to burn out before the year is over. Does Mrs. Smith sound like someone you work with?

You probably are already thinking about what a Type Two child looks like in the classroom. They always want to be the “teacher’s helper”, offer to assist the substitute, volunteer to walk the kid with the bloody knee to the nurse’s office, etc.

Type Two students are fairly easy to identify in a classroom as they are often trying to help make your life easier as a teacher. However, they may have needs that you have not yet considered. You may wonder why they are so clingy or sometimes seem to manipulate their peers with kindness. Or you may be wondering how to show your appreciation for all they do. Learning tips and strategies for interacting with a Type Two is crucial is building and maintaining relationships with them.

Tips and Strategies for Working Effectively with people who exhibit Enneagram Type 2 patterns:

First, and foremost remember that they, as Twos, are likely not driven by the same things you are. What motivates you, may not motivate them.
In your interactions, both positive and tough interactions with a Type Two, remember and consider what it is that is motivating them and driving their behaviors. This will help you to better understand their actions. Here are the typical motivators of a Type Two:
- To be loved
- To be able to express their love for others
- To be needed
- To be appreciated
- To have others notice them and validate all that they are doing for others.
Determine their strengths and hidden potential. Find ways to incorporate these more in your relationship.
Consider what you have learned about Type Twos and capitalize on the strengths of the twos in their work and life. Help them to do the same for themselves.
Consider how you can address potentially negative patterns in a positive way.

Strengths and Challenges and Opportunities for Growth:

Strengths:

Nurturing
Caring
Warm
Generous
Empathetic
Enthusiastic
Loving
Compassionate
Helpful

Challenges:

Preoccupied with gaining approval
Clingy
Martyr-like
Manipulative
Indirect
Prideful
Give so much to others that they don’t take care of themselves

Opportunities for growth in your relationships with Enneagram Type 2:

Help them to learn to care for themselves like they do for others, so they don’t burn out or feel unappreciated.
Help them to set boundaries as to how much is too much of helping others. Encourage them that it is okay to say “No” to you and to others to maintain their physical and emotional health. Notice when they do set boundaries and celebrate with them.
Give them roles where their strengths can be appreciated and their challenges reduced.
When you notice they are displaying some of the challenging patterns of a Type Two, be gently honest.
Show them that you notice and appreciate all that they do. Even a “thank you,” a card or a hug can go a long way with a Type Two.
Notice what they need, as they are not likely to tell you. Encourage them to listen to their own hearts, head and bodies to notice what they need and then to express it to you or others.
Be mindful not to take advantage of their generosity. Make sure they are not always the “giver.”

Conclusion:

People who are Enneagram Type Twos are wonderful assets to our lives. They love hard, are helpful, empathetic and are natural nurturers. They want to show their love for others and fear not being loved in return. They may view and show up in the world in a very different way than you do but by recognizing their strengths and challenges and understanding strategies to best live with, love, work with and teach them, you can make everyone’s lives easier.

Recap:

Today we explored how to best understand and communicate with Type Twos in your home, your friend group, your school and your classroom. Having this understanding will make the interactions with Twos in your life easier and more pleasant.

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Inspired Together Teachers Network Facebook Group

Linked In: Inspired Together Learning

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to live inspired lives.

Living with, Working With and Loving Enneagram Type 1 Ep. 106

March 5, 2025 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

Season 7 Episode 106

Listen to this episode to understand the patterns and behaviors of Ennegram Type 1.

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

There is a lot of interest in the Enneagram, and we find it a useful tool for helping us to understand ourselves and our behaviors and why we do things and also to help us understand how to work well with others including our families, friends, colleagues, and yes, even students!

Understanding the Enneagram gives us a different world view. As Brene Brown said, the “Enneagram can change how your see yourself and the people around you” and that has been eye opening and even life-changing.

In this episode we’ll dig into the traits and patterns of Enneagram Type 1. Stay tuned to find out if you are a type one, or if you love, work with or teach someone with the patterns of a type one.

In this episode:

Introduction:

In this episode, we’re going to start digging into the Enneagram in a deeper way. There is a lot of shallow understanding and even misinformation about the Enneagram. We also find that while finding your type is a fun activity and people love to know their type, all of that information is not helpful if you are not applying it in some way.

We have a five episode series that will give you basic information on the Enneagram, and the Enneagram types. You can find that in episodes 101-105. If you haven’t done any Enneagram work, those episodes will be helpful.

In this episode and in the following series, we are going to break down the types, looking into the traits and patterns of each type. We’ll also give specific examples for how you might work with people, including students, who exhibit those characteristics. We’ll also talk about the strengths and challenges and paths to personal growth.

General Cautions:

Whether or not you know your type, we recommend that you listen to the episodes for each type. You may recognize yourself, but you will also recognize these patterns in others. The Enneagram is used for personal growth and transformation, but its power also is in the better understanding others. Understand the patterns of all of the types opens the door to better relationships and better supporting people we know, love, or teach.

Always remember that we are more than our type. This is just one way of looking at an entire person.

There is a saying that all theories are wrong and yet some are useful.

So let’s get started with Enneagram Type 1.

Enneagram Traits and Patterns of Enneagram Type 1

Enneagram Type 1, is often called “The Good Person” or “The Reformer” or “The Perfectionist”. Type 1s are known for their strong sense of integrity, high standards, and desire to improve themselves and the world.

Type 1s seek a perfect world and so they work diligently on themselves and everyone around them.

Think of the people you know, your friends, family, colleagues, and students you teach who might be working towards that perfect world.

Here are the types of patterns, behaviors, or phrases you may see that are typical of Enneagram type 1 patterns:

High Standards – Expect excellence from themselves and others.
Strong Inner Critic – Constantly evaluates their own actions and can be self-critical.
Discipline & Responsibility – Hardworking, conscientious, and reliable.
Black-and-White Thinking – Views things in terms of right vs. wrong, good vs. bad.
Rule-Following – Values structure, order, and ethics.
Represses Anger – Bottles up frustration, which can eventually explode.
Logical & Principled – Holds strong convictions and adheres to their moral code.
Perfectionist Tendencies – Struggles with never feeling “good enough.”

Tips and strategies for working effectively with people who exhibit Enneagram Type 1 patterns:

Example 1 : The Teacher Pleaser

The teacher pleaser constantly asks for feedback that they are doing good work and that they are doing it correctly. This reminds me of the character Summer in the movie School of Rock, who was little Miss Perfectionist. She had very high standards.

Remind them that they know what is good and what is right and that you trust them.
Find ways to give them responsibility so they can have a chance to shine and to perform well
Type 1’s like order and consistency. They like to know exactly what is expected of them. It is helpful to offer them tools such as planners, planning sheets, and calendars.
Be clear about deadlines and due dates. The more specific you are, the more comfortable they will feel.
Make expectations clear and write them on the board.
Teach them to be their own source of praise and recognition. Rather than endlessly praising, task them how they think they did.

For example, when Summer asks for positive reinforcement, respond with “Well, Summer, how do you think you did on that science project?” Then validate the experience by saying something like, “Of course you worked hard and did well. You know that about yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back!” You are then teaching her to give herself that pat on the back, and to learn to recognize herself and know that she is doing well.

Do not demand perfection or become overly harsh with errors. This is devasting to type ones, and may cause them to refuse to take any sort of risk so as to not do something imperfectly.

These types of responses gives type ones the clarification they want and need and the freedom to carry on with their work in a positive fashion.

Example 2: The Controlling Person.

Here is a typical situation. Your husband is a type one with controlling tendencies. He has a lot of great qualities, he works hard, does a great job and is well respected. Lately he and your teenage son, Jack, have been fighting. Though they used to get along well, Hubby demands that Jack do everything the way he wants it done and on his timeline. They recently had a screaming fight because Jack mowed the lawn with vertical rows rather than the horizontal rows that his father wanted.

Hubby also complains about Jack’s clothes, his messy room, and his video game playing. Jack is a good kid and does well in school and is generally compliant, but he has started to push back. They argue and fight all the time. It’s gotten so bad that Jack is refusing to do things and sometimes he won’t even come out of his room.

Suggestions for dealing with this type of pattern:

One’s can get lost in the details. Ask what the big picture goals are.
Encourage them to be open to finding other ways of doing things, often there is more than one “right way.” Your “right way” is right for you, but not be right for someone else.
Remind them that demanding compliance does not gain respect or cause the other person to have intrinsic motivation. This is especially applicable for children, spouses, coworkers and people you may manage.
Build understanding that perfection is not always the goal.
Type ones often need to be reminded that they can trust others to get things done. They can’t always manage everything and everyone. They will be able to relax more if they can learn to trust others.

Strengths and Challenges and Opportunities for Growth:

Strengths:

Self-disciplined

Self-motivated

Organized and efficient

Get things done and done well

Challenges:

Judging or trying to control others

Seeing their way of doing things as the only way or the best way and not being open to other ways of doing things

Feeling irritation or anger that others do not follow the same high standards

Opportunities for growth:

Learn to recognize and quiet the inner critic.

Embrace flexibility and accept imperfections.

Allow themselves to relax and enjoy life without guilt.

Acknowledge and express built up anger in healthy ways.

Recognize that multiple perspectives can be valid, not just one “right” way.

Conclusion:

We’re fortunate to have ones in our lives. They connect remind us of what is right and good. The provide role models for hard work, and doing things well. Ones are people of high integrity, and we appreciate them in our world.

Recap:

Type 1’s bring us goodness and wisdom. They are the go to people when we need something done and want it done right. They have integrity and remind us of what is right and just. They are often hard on themselves and can use some gentle guidance that perfectionism is not the goal. They may also need reminders that trying to control everyone and everything is not helpful.

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Inspired Together Teachers Network Facebook Group

Linked In: Inspired Together Learning

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to live inspired lives.

Being Seen, Heard, and Understood: The Power of Validation Ep. 82

September 18, 2024 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

Being Seen, Heard, and Understood: The Power of Validation

Season 6 Episode 82

Listen to this episode to learn how you can use validation to acknowledge and bring out the best in yourself and others.

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

Have you ever had a moment when you truly felt seen and heard…when you realized your thoughts and feelings were recognized as worthwhile? That validation, when we give it or receive it from others can be life-changing. The validation we give ourselves can be just as important as the validation we receive from others.

In this episode we explore why validation from others and ourselves matters and how you can increase the validation you experience and give in your life. Stick around as we explore the topic of validation in today’s inspiring episode.

Introduction:

Validation. It is a topic we have addressed indirectly several times in our 80+ podcast episodes, but this is the first time we have dedicated a full episode to it, the first time we have named giving and receiving validation as an essential component in living your best personal and professional life. Today we want to explicitly name and explore it, what validation is and is not, and we will also discuss why we all need to give and receive validation.

What prompted us to give real thought to validation was reading the transcript of Oprah’s commencement speech at Harvard in 2013. Her words, when she talked about validation at that commencement speech, are important to us as teachers, parents, friends, and family members. Instead of paraphrasing, we will read you Oprah’s powerful words.

I have to say that the single most important lesson I learned in 25 years talking every single day to people, was that there is a common denominator in our human experience. Most of us, I tell you we don’t want to be divided. What we want, the common denominator that I found in every single interview, is we want to be validated. We want to be understood. I have done over 35,000 interviews in my career and as soon as that camera shuts off everyone always turns to me and inevitably in their own way asks this question “Was that okay?” I heard it from President Bush, I heard it from President Obama. I’ve heard it from heroes and from housewives. I’ve heard it from victims and perpetrators of crimes. I even heard it from Beyonce and all of her Beyonceness. She finishes performing, hands me the microphone and says, “Was that okay?” Friends and family, yours, enemies, strangers in every argument in every encounter, every exchange I will tell you, they all want to know one thing: was that okay? Did you hear me? Do you see me? Did what I say mean anything to you?

Wow! Those are powerful words, aren’t they? Presidents and Beyonce are asking for validation? Those are people we think of as powerful, confident, and self-assured and they are asking for validation. Truly, we all want to be understood, to be acknowledged, to be heard….all of these are a part of being validated.

Validation- What it is and is not

By definition, validation is the recognition or affirmation that a person, their feelings, or their opinions are valid or worthwhile. It is the feeling you get when others recognize that you are right or good enough.

When we feel validated we truly feel like someone has heard us, they saw us, and they thought we, or our contributions, were useful or were good.

This is a good time to clarify that there is a difference between recognition and validation. Validation is honoring the person or their ideas. Recognition on the other hand, is more of an acknowledgement of something that a person did. For example, if you win the race, you get the recognition with a trophy. Recognition is based on your achievement. Validation is a stronger and more meaning connection than just recognition. Validation doesn’t require an accomplishment. Validation appreciates the person behind the accomplishment.

Validation is implicit in building relationships and recognizing the strengths in ourselves and others. Many times, when we think we are validating that a kid is a good kid, we are actually recognizing an accomplishment and we’re hoping that they make the connection that we are also validating them. Not all kids, or even all adults, are able to make that natural connection. That is why it is so important that we aren’t just recognizing people, but we make sure that we are validating them as people.

Here is a good example of the difference between recognition and validation. We have both won teaching awards. An external entity determined that we were good teachers and recognized us with awards. We like our awards, don’t get us wrong. They hang on our office walls. However, the validation we have didn’t come from external reviewers. The validation came when a student said we made a difference in their life, when a parent said they felt we really took the time to care and love their child, when our teaching partner hugged us and thanked us for helping her through a tough time. That is validation. See the difference? The recognition is good. But the validation drives us and can be life-changing.

There are two different types of validation we need in our lives- validation from others and validation from ourselves.

A lot of teachers recognizing the validation from kids. They have those notes and drawings that remind them that arey are making a difference.

Validation from Others

Whether we like to admit it or not, we seek validation from other people. This DOES NOT mean that you should be a people pleaser all the time or that you should do things only for others to tell you that you are right. However, it is important for all of us to know that someone sees, hears and finds us worthy.

Validation creates positive feelings. Validation can make us feel a sense of harmony with others or with our environment. As teachers, you have seen that look on a child’s face when you tell them they matter or their thoughts are legitimate and valuable. Their whole presence and body language changes when you validate them or their feelings. You also know that student is now more likely to share future ideas and be vulnerable with you. You build trust with them through validation. The same is true in our families, friend groups and communities.

Paula: I was in a work situation once, where there was a lot of tough work to do for a project. It was work I really liked to do. It played into my skill set and I did it well. I felt successful at what I was doing. When the task was done, several colleagues pulled me aside and told me that things went so well with the project because of what I brought to the group. They specifically mentioned my ability to see the big picture and still be able to complete the details. I felt like they really saw me, they saw what I was capable of and willing to do. In turn, I validated them. I truly felt validated and I still have a bond with those work colleagues from years ago.

Michele: Those times when we hear validation are so important to our mental attitude and our sense of self-worth. I can also speak to the opposite of that- when you don’t get validation for something you have worked really hard on, or when you sense a lack of appreciation or even that someone doesn’t even notice you. That is hurtful. I remember a time when not only was my work and the resulting achievement not acknowledged, another person took credit it for it. That changed my relationship with that person forever. There was no validation whatsoever for me, and it was hurtful.

We need validation to feel a sense of belonging with others. Why would you want to stay working at a place where you never felt validated? That isn’t a positive environment. Would you want to teach in a classroom where the kids don’t trust you or each other because they never feel validated? Of course not. We want to be in a environment where we feel a sense of belonging with others.

Validation does not mean that everyone has to agree or approve. You can still have a different opinion and communicate acceptance of the other person’s feelings. That is true acceptance.

It is our right and responsibility to give and receive validation from others. Our ability to give validation is a part of a two way communication in which both parties feel their point of view was heard and acknowledged. It is what solid and positive relationships are made of.

Look for opportunities, at work and at home, to offer more than just recognition. Offer validation to make sure that co-workers, students, friends and family know that you see and understand them. It’s not just saying, “good job.” It is in recognizing something specific in another person and making sure they know you see them and understand them.

Validation from yourself

While it is necessary to get that external validation, we also have to learn to accept our own thoughts, feelings, experiences and ways of being as valid. That means we have to self-reflect and observe ourselves and our feelings without judgement.

We have talked frequently about building self-confidence and a big part of this is validating that your thoughts and feelings are real and meaningful.

Self-talk or having a mantra can help a lot with this. Analyzing and naming your feelings can help you to validate that your feelings and reactions are understandable. Just like you have to be observant to validate others, you need to sit back and be non-judgmental in observing yourself as well.

Michele: This one is really powerful for me. I have often been the person who sits back, listens and observes and then creates plans or programs or takes action. I know how to fly under the radar and still do work that is impactful. Flying under the radar means that you don’t always get noticed. Your validation comes from within when you recognize your contributions and have a strong sense that what you are doing matters. Your work or the way you show up in your life aligns with your values and it allows you to live out your beliefs. For me, that understanding has been a driving force in my life. I would not be able to do what I do without that self-validation.

Paula: For me, journaling has really helped with this self validation piece. So has mediation. When I sit and observe my feelings, and name them in journaling or mediation, I then have some internal dialogue that goes something like, “Yes, those are exactly what you are feeling. And your reasons for those feelings are all valid reasons. Any reasonable person would feel the same in the same situation. You are doing great with what you have. Way to go.” It’s silly, I know, but that self-talk after journaling or mediation provides a great validation for me.

Both of us gave an example that shows how we were able to answer the question in the Oprah story, “was I okay?” You don’t have to wait for someone else to tell you the answer, you can answer it for yourself.

In order to validate others and to give ourselves self-validation, we need to be present, to listen, to recognize and to legitimize the feelings and experiences that shape a person.

When we do these things, and offer validation, the person feels cared for, supported and accepted. Relationships are built and harmony becomes a way of living. Who doesn’t want that in their work and personal life?

We end with this quote from Grammy nominated singer and songwriter Mary Gauthier, “When you see validation for a life’s work and dedication, it’s a beautiful day.”

Recap:

We all deserve to be truly feel seen and heard. We all need moments in our lives when our thoughts and feelings are recognized as worthwhile. That validation, when we give or receive it from others can be life-changing. The validation we give ourselves can be just as important as the validation we receive from others. Validation only requires that we be present, listen, and recognize the feelings and experiences that shape a person. We all have the power to do that.

Quote:

“When you see validation for a life’s work and dedication, it’s a beautiful day.”

Mary Gauthier

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

The Enneagram for Educators

The Enneagram Types 8,9, and 1

The Enneagram Types 2, 3 and 4

The Enneagram Types 5, 6 and 7

The Enneagram Harmony Triads

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Inspired Together Teachers Network Facebook Group

Linked In: Inspired Together Learning

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

Season 7, Episode 111

Check out this episode to learn the patterns and behaviors of an Enneagram Type 6.

Show notes:

In this episode:

Introduction:

A few words of caution before we dig into learning about Enneagram Type 6:

Let’s consider this example of an Enneagram Type Six you might encounter in a school setting:

Tips and Strategies for Working Effectively with people who exhibit Enneagram Type 6 patterns:

Strengths and Challenges and Opportunities for Growth:

Conclusion:

Recap:

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Share this:

Season 7 Episode 108

Check out this episode to understand the patterns of Enneagram Type 3 and how to best to work with, love or teach them.

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

In this episode:

Introduction:

A few words of caution before we dig into learning about Enneagram Type 3s:

Patterns of Enneagram Type 3:

Let’s Consider this example of an Enneagram Type Three who could work in a school:

The Enneagram Type 3 at home:

The child with Enneagram Type 3 patterns:

Tips and strategies for working effectively with people who exhibit Enneagram Type 3 patterns:

Strengths and Challenges and Opportunities for Growth:

Conclusion:

Recap:

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Share this:

Listen to this episode to better understand and work with Enneagram Type 2.

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

In this episode:

Introduction:

A few words of caution before we dig into learning about Enneagram Type 2:

Patterns of Enneagram Type 2

Let’s Consider this example of an Enneagram Type 2 who could work in a school:

Tips and Strategies for Working Effectively with people who exhibit Enneagram Type 2 patterns:

Strengths and Challenges and Opportunities for Growth:

Conclusion:

Recap:

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Share this:

Season 7 Episode 106

Listen to this episode to understand the patterns and behaviors of Ennegram Type 1.

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

In this episode:

Introduction:

General Cautions:

So let’s get started with Enneagram Type 1.

Enneagram Traits and Patterns of Enneagram Type 1

Tips and strategies for working effectively with people who exhibit Enneagram Type 1 patterns:

Strengths and Challenges and Opportunities for Growth:

Conclusion:

Recap:

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Share this:

Being Seen, Heard, and Understood: The Power of Validation

Listen to this episode to learn how you can use validation to acknowledge and bring out the best in yourself and others.

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

Introduction:

Validation- What it is and is not

Validation from Others

Validation from yourself

Recap:

Quote:

Mary Gauthier

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Share this:

Connect with us on Social Media!