How to Build Better Relationships: Lessons from Our Pets Ep. 73

July 17, 2024 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

How to Build Better Relationships: Lessons from Our Pets S. 5 E. 73

Check out this episode if you are a pet lover! We’re sharing tips on how to build better relationships that we’ve learned from some of our best relationships- those with our pets!

Show Notes:

Episode summary:

Relationships are complex. We all want to build better relationships but sometimes all of the complicating factors that accompany relationship get in the way.

In this episode, we discuss ways to build better relationships by examining the lessons we can learn from some of the most uncomplicated and genuine relationships we have. What relationships are those? The relationships we have with our pets!

Though this episode is lighthearted and fun, it is also important. Our pets have a lot to teach us about building better relationships. All we have to do is listen and learn from them. We hope you’ll join us today to do just that!

Introduction:

Building healthy and strong relationships is one of the most important things you can do in your life.

We have referenced this in other episodes, but it is worth repeating- having strong relationships in your personal life can increase your happiness, your physical and mental health, and can even increase your lifespan.

Having strong relationships can help you feel less alone and can offer you support and guidance to help you make it through the tough times.

In our professional lives, we know that building relationships with students is vital to their success. Students will learn more from teachers who have taken the time to build a relationship with them. As relationships grow, student motivation increases and behavior problems decrease.

Having strong and healthy relationships with our colleagues is also important for our happiness. If you haven’t listened to episode 62 of this podcast, titled Teachers Supporting Teachers, check it out for proof of why healthy and productive relationships with our colleagues are so needed.

There are hundreds of community building activities and strategies to help you build relationships both in and outside of your classroom. These activities are useful, but sometimes they aren’t enough. Relationships are fraught with complexities so building strong relationships is often easier said than done.

To really find what works in building better relationships, it is useful to go back to the basics- studying the least complex components of relationship building first and then building off of those basics.

It’s sort of like a game of chess. You don’t learn chess by studying the most complex moves first. You start with the basics, the moves that are simple and obvious. Once these moves are perfected, you are ready to play a more complex game of chess.

So today, we are going to take a lesson from what are arguably the easiest and least complex relationships around- those we have with our furry friends.

Background about our pets:

Michele: I am a cat person.

Paula: and I am a dog person.

Michele: Today I will be talking about the relationship building lessons I learned from my cat “Sassy” quite a bit so I want to tell you a little about her. When my cat Cozy died, her buddy Gatsby moped around the house. They had been best friends, and Gatsby seemed sad and lonely. We decided to get another cat from the Humane Society.

I should have known that my choice was fraught with challenges. I found “Maybelle” isolated in a room away from the other cats. She had been found, skinny and starving, in a heavily trafficked urban neighborhood. She was medically fine, but non-cooperative. She refused to eat until she was given an appetite stimulant.

On the day I found her, she had eaten, and thus, her status was changed to “adoptable.”

I loved the way her eyes watched me when I walked into the room and followed me as I moved around. When we let her out of the cage, she climbed onto a cat tree, but wouldn’t come near. She watched us carefully, more curious than afraid. She let me pet her for a second before moving away.

I am not a first- time cat Momma. I’ve had several rescue cats, including feral kittens. Those big green eyes and curious looks had me from the beginning. I was up for the challenge. She came home with us.

Advised to keep her isolated at first, we put her in the guest room. She ran under the bed and refused to come out. I made sure she had food, water and clean litter. She did not eat. She would not let me touch her.

This went on for days, and then weeks. She could not be tempted by cat treats. I would sit in the room with her, on the floor with a book or my computer, so that she could get used to me. She watched me, always curious, but did not come near.

After two weeks, I feared she would starve to death. I would have taken her back to the Humane Society but I could not get near enough to her to pick her up. She was feisty, and her claws quickly turned into weapons.

“It’s like she’s a stranger,” I remarked to my husband. “A stranger in a new country. A Sassenach.”

Sassenach is the Gaelic/Scottish word for foreigner, a word which I’d picked up from the books and TV series Outlander.

We dubbed her Sassenach, but due to her belligerent personality, she quickly became “Sassy” for short.

I started bribing her with cat treats. She would look at them, and appear interested but would not take them. I started leaving them in the room when I left, and eventually, I found them gone in the morning. The cat treats kept her alive.

Eventually we became friends. Now she follows me everywhere, often just happy to be in the room with me.

How did we move from being wary and distant to being friends? In the same way that we can build relationships with complex people in our lives.

Paula: Before we get into these lessons, I will tell you a bit about my dog “Bear.” My son named her Bear because she looks a bit like a mix between a brown bear and a teddy bear. She is a big girl! When we adopted her from the Humane Society she was 47 pounds and we were led to believe she was full grown. 47 lbs was big enough to qualify her as a little bear. Unfortunately, she was not fully grown and now I have a 93 pound dog who really does look like a small brown bear.

When we got Bear she was the opposite of Sassy. Bear was very social but was very unaware of any social boundaries. She assumed that everyone wanted to be licked or jumped on by her. Convincing her that she was not a lap dog was difficult. Bear had spent her first six months on a screened in porch with one other dog, not ever walking on concrete until we got her and not interacting a lot with people. People clearly have different boundaries than another dog, but she didn’t know that.

So what important, basic lessons about building better relationships can we learn from our pets?

As we mentioned, both of our pets came to us with tough pasts. But pets don’t bring all of the complexities that people do. Let’s explore the basics that we can learn from our pets that will help us all when building better relationships in people our work and home lives.

Build better relationships by noticing them.

Don’t we all want to be seen? To know that someone has noticed us? People may not make it as obvious as animals, but we all want to be seen.

Michele: From the beginning, Sassy watched me. I watched her back. When she was in hiding, I would peak at her under the bed but not try to grab her or bring her out. Even now I will catch her looking at me to see if I am looking at her. She wants me to notice her. She will raise her head so I can pet her.

Paula: Bear is so completely obvious that she wants to be seen that it is almost impossible to ignore her. She has no pretenses so she will drop her ball right in your lap, no matter how busy you are, to let you know that she wants to be seen. As annoying at that can be sometimes, it would be easier if people were as forthright about when and how they need to be noticed so we don’t need to try and guess. The best way to make sure people feel noticed is to notice them before they need to get your attention in a less than ideal way.

Do you notice your students? Do you really notice your family members or are you distracted by life and forget to sit and really look at or listen to them? How do you let them know you see them? Maybe it is with a smile or a nod. Perhaps you remark about someone’s new shirt or ask about their family. When you notice, you acknowledge that you care. You are building trust.

Build better relationships by calling them by name.

Most people also like to be called by name. In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie said, “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

Michele: When Sassy was at her most frightened, I quietly called her by name. She learned her name quickly. Now she comes when I call her.

Paula: I think of the number of times I say Bear’s name in a day. It is actually rather shocking. I call her by name in the morning, when I play with her, when I get home, etc. I don’t think I ever call people by their names that much. What a startling realization.

It adds only a second to call people by name. They will notice and appreciate it.

Paula gives an example of a worker at Panera who calls everyone by their name. In return, Paula made an effort to learn this person’s name and call her by name so she knows she is valued. It takes time and effort to remember names and acknowledge people by name, but it is worth the effort.

Build better relationship by being patient.

Relationships aren’t always built overnight. It takes time to figure people out, to establish boundaries, and to determine what everyone needs to make the relationship the best it can be.

It took months for Michele to build enough trust with Sassy that she could be petted. Now Sassy falls asleep on her lap.

Although Bear was overly loving, she did not know her boundaries. She took a string from the carpet and pulled it as a toy. She chewed up a few shoes. It would have been easy to give up on her but since they were in it for the long haul, and because they knew she was still learning and growing, they just had to wait out the remaining puppy stage.

You will want to build relationships with new people in your life quickly. Some people, especially students and some colleagues, will need time. Don’t give up on them. Be patient. You will all figure each other out eventually if you keep trying.

Build better relationship by being consistent.

In relationships, it is important that people know what to expect from each other. In order to build better relationships, we can’t be all over the place. You don’t have to be someone you aren’t, but you should be the you that is consistent so that people know what to expect when you show up.

Michele: I spend a few minutes with Sassy every morning and every evening. I feed her at the same time. I buy the same food, the same cat treats and the same litter. I keep her favorite blanket on the chair. Security is important to her. I can’t change whatever happened to her when she was living on the streets, but I can give her creature comforts with consistency.

Paula: We actually took Bear to what we lovingly refer to as Naughty Dog Bootcamp. We learned commands that everyone in the house could say so she knew what to expect from all of us. It wasn’t until we did that, that I realized how we were all using different words and commands to direct her. How confusing that must have been for her!

You all know the students who like to know exactly what is going to happen. They thrive on structure. Despite whatever challenges they must deal with in their lives, you can be consistent in your approach with them.

We also have those adults in our lives who are hard to read. You never know if they will show up in a good mood or bad mood, will be agreeable or will be looking to start an argument. It is a lot of work to build relationships with these people. In order to build better relationships, you can be the consistent person, even if the others are not.

Build better relationships by celebrating small, quick wins.

Especially in relationships that are difficult, it is important to recognize and celebrate the small quick wins.

Michele: I couldn’t hold Sassy for months, but I celebrated close approximations. If she came out from under the bed while I was in the room, I left a cat treat. If she took a step toward me, I rewarded her with another little treat. My approach was classic positive reinforcement, but it worked.

Paula: After the aforementioned Naughty Dog Bootcamp, I learned the importance of pointing out to Bear all the good things she was doing. For example, when she didn’t jump on the Amazon guy and try to lick his face, that got an immediate “good girl.” When she walked away from a shoe even though she gave it a second longing glance, I petted her and let her know that I noticed and was proud.

We can celebrate small quick wins in our relationships almost daily if we look for them. With our students, we can celebrate when yesterday’s 61 becomes today’s 65. It may not be where you want it to be, but there is progress. With our negative colleague, it can be thanking them for a positive contribution they made to the team. Difficult family member? Look for and point out the things they do to help others in the family.

Build better relationships by changing their day.

We can’t control what has happened to people in the past. We can’t even control what will happen to them in the future. But we can make their day pleasant. At the end of the day, when we are building better relationships with people, what they really need is to know they are safe and cared for when interacting with us.

Michele: I often wonder what had happened to Sassy on the streets, and know she must have been frightened. I try to make her day pleasant. I leave cat toys laying around. The first thing in the morning I open the shades because she loves to look out. On nice days, I open a window. I’ll talk to her as she follows me around. She doesn’t need much but to know that she is safe, have her basic needs met, and something interesting to do.

Paula: I know Bear trusts us because she lays on her back with her belly exposed for us to pet her. It feels good knowing that, we are providing her a place where she can feel safe enough to relax and be vulnerable.

You also have the power to change the trajectory of someone’s life, or at least their day. Look for opportunities to do so and then take them.

Conclusion:

It makes sense to end with this quote by former first lady of the United States, Rosalynn Carter, who said “Do what you can to show you care about other people, and you will make our world a better place.”

You will make the world, and your own life, a brighter place by building better relationships.

A special shout out to Sassy and Bear for the inspiration for this episode.

Are there additional lessons about relationship building you have learned from your pets? If so, be sure to give them an extra hug or snuggle tonight to thank them for being such patient teachers.

Recap:

In this episode, we explored important lessons we have learned from our pets on how to build better relationships. Want to build better relationships in your work and home life? Notice your people, address them by name, be patient and consistent, and celebrate those small wins. By doing all of this you will not only strengthen your relationships but you might just change their day and yours too.

Quote:

“Do what you can to show you care about other people, and you will make our world a better place.”

Rosalynn Carter

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

Inspired Together Teachers Episode 62 Teachers Supporting Teachers,

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

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Linked In: Inspired Together Teachers

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

Inspirational Teachers In Children’s Books Ep. 72

July 10, 2024 by Inspired Together Teachers 2 Comments

Inspirational Teachers In Children’s Books S. 5 E. 72

Check out this episode to hear about some beloved and inspirational teachers in children’s books and learn what they have to teach us as teachers. insert podcast link to player here

Show notes:

Episode Summary:

Could you use a little inspiration from some fabulous fictional teachers to renew your passion for teaching? Maybe you would love a guide to help you work with children with differing abilities, or another teacher to help you devise a plan to improve your classroom. Perhaps you could use a good teacher role model for how to handle difficult situations.

In this episode we’re talking about our favorite teachers in children’s books. In a world where teachers are often maligned and underappreciated, these teachers are fun, clever, imaginative, effective, and yes, even a little magical.

Who are these amazing teachers? We think you will recognize some old friends and make some new acquaintances.

Listen in for some great tips from beloved teachers in children’s books.

In this episode:

In Episode 68 we shared important life lessons we can learn from characters in children’s books.

Today, we are back with some lessons we can all learn from fantastic teachers in children’s books. If you are listening to this live, it is summer and you might find yourself with time to read a few children’s or YA books. The following amazing teachers have traits that make them good role models for teachers.

**Mr. Slinger in Lily’s Purple Plastic Purse by Kevin Henkes**

Mr. Slinger is cool. He is sharp as a tack and wears artistic shirts. His classroom includes a writing center called “The Lightbulb Lab… Where Great Ideas are Born.”

One day Lily comes to school excited about her new purple plastic purse that holds jangling coins and plays jaunty tunes. When she can’t stop sharing, Mr. Slinger takes her purse and puts it away until the end of the day. Lily writes Mr. Slinger a terrible letter. He handles it with grace and understanding. We love Mr. Slinger, who manages to be both firm and kind, and is not above joining in with a little dancing.

See also, music teacher Mrs. Twinkle in Chrysanthemum by Kevin Henkes.

Mr. Falker in Thank You Mr. Falker by Patricia Polacco

Trisha is a fifth grader who struggles to read and suffers from taunting by the other children. Feeling stupid, she hides at recess, until the new teacher, Mr. Falker discovers her. Mr. Falker takes her under his tutelage and helps her to understand that she isn’t dumb. He recognizes her artistic talent and helps her to understand her value. With the help of many after school tutoring sessions, Mr. Falker teaches her to read and ultimately changes her life.

We love Mr. Falker because he does not give up on kids.

The last page? We dare you not to cry.

Mrs. Peterson in The Junkyard Wonders by Patricia Polacco

As if writing about one brilliant teacher wasn’t enough, Polacco gives us another amazing teacher in Mrs. Peterson. Mrs. Peterson is the teacher in a special education classroom known as “The Junkyard.” She recognizes the special gifts of her students and brings out the genius in them. She understands that a junkyard is a place with wondrous possibilities, and makes the students understand that they are full of potential.

Mrs. Peterson turns a class into a community of learners. They support each and work together in project based learning. Most importantly, she helps them to believe in themselves.

Miss Nelson in Miss Nelson is Missing by Harry Allard

Miss Nelson is sweet and kind, but her class begins to take advantage of her good nature. One day she is absent, and there is a substitute- the mean and terrifying Miss Viola Swamp!

As the children experience the unforgiving Miss Swamp, they learn to appreciate Miss Nelson. But where is she? We’re not telling…but it involves a diabolical scheme!

We love the way Miss Nelson solves a challenge with a bit of creativity! There is a lesson in that for all of us!

Miss Frizzle in the Magic School Bus books by Joanna Cole and Bruce Degan

What’s not to love about Miss Frizzle? Science and history have never been more fun. What does Miss Frizzle have that makes her special? She has wild red hair, amazing clothes that relate to her lessons and of course…a magic school bus. The fabulous Frizz leads the students on outlandish field trips…to the solar system or through the inside of the human body. In later years she rocked ancient history, exploring Imperial China, ancient Egypt and a medieval castle.

We might never be as cool as the Frizz… but she inspires us to try to make learning come alive for our students. She sparks curiosity in her students, and that is a great way to inspire learning!

Miss Agnes in The Year of Miss Agnes by Kirkpatrick Hill.

When a remote Alaskan village loses its teacher, the community wonders if school will be closed. In walks Miss Agnes, a skinny woman who wears pants and has “a little mileage on her.”

In this historical fiction book, Miss Agnes is a woman ahead of her time. She carts away the old, decrepit textbooks. She brings out art supplies and music. She connects with the children and their families, valuing their culture and knowledge. She invites in a child who has been left out of school because she has a physical disabilities. She also teaches some of the elders of the community. She individualizes lessons, teaching students skills when the students are ready. She believes in the power of learning.

In the classroom of Miss Agnes, learning is meaningful, reading comes alive and people understand how knowledge can transform you.

Mrs. Granger in Frindle by Andrew Clements

Mrs. Granger is the teacher we all love to hate. She is strict. She is old-fashioned. She is unrelenting. Mrs. Granger has x-ray vision. And she loves the dictionary.

Nick is smart and rambunctious. He likes to liven things up and cause a little disturbance.

Don’t we all know some children like Nick? They are full of energy and mischief and you can’t help but both love them and get frustrated by their antics.

When Nick discovers that we all have a role in changing language, he decides to test the idea by inventing the word “frindle”, which is a synonym for pen.

A battle between Nick and Mrs. Granger ensues. Who has the power to determine what words mean?

The final lesson is worth waiting for and you see the magic of a teacher’s influence!

Miss Edmunds in Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

Miss Edmunds is different from everyone else at school. Some call her a hippie. Miss Edmunds is a free spirit who sings folk songs and plays guitar. She is the kind of music teacher who lets children try different instruments and sing with abandon.

Jess loves Miss Edmunds. She encourages his drawing talent and takes him to an art museum. More importantly, Jess feels safe with her. She understands him. She won’t crush his dreams or stifle his imagination. She is a kindred spirit for a soul who desperately needs one.

We all need a Miss Edmunds in or lives, someone who believes in us and sees our potential. Some teachers have the power to save students by building relationships, and watching Miss Edmunds is a master class in building relationships with students.

Miss Stretchberry in Love That Dog by Sharon Creech

We never officially meet her

Miss Strechberry

We see her through the poetry of Jack

reluctant writer

Jack writes poems

Miss Stretchberry guides him

with a gentle hand

and no pressure

and Jack’s poems

shine.

see also Hate That Cat by Sharon Creech.

Madame Poitier from Sahara Special by Esmé Raji Codell

The new teacher, Madame Poitier, also known as Miss Pointy, is a breath of fresh air. She wears sparkly dragonfly barrettes, brings flowers and a red lamp to school, and teaches classes with names like “Time Travelers” and “Mad Scientists.” She teaches children to leave their troubles at the door and all of her rules begin with “yes.” She focused on social and emotional learning before it was a thing.

We think that Miss Pointy is a thinly veiled description of the author herself, known for the book she wrote about her first year of teaching Educating Esmé. That is a good thing, because Esmé is also one of our superheroes. We’ve had the chance to meet her in person and she is everything a good teacher should be!

Who are your favorite teachers in children’s books? We would love to hear about them in the comments below.

And if you’d like a reading list of 25 Great Books About Teachers That Every Teacher Should Read, fill out the form below:

Recap:

The world of children’s and young adult books is filled with good teacher role models. Thanks for joining us today to learn from Frizzle, Falker, and other fabulous teachers in children’s books.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

All books we referred to in this episode are linked in the headlines above.

This post uses affiliate links. If you purchase an item through our link, we will receive a small portion of the profit with no extra cost to you. This helps us to pay for the costs of bringing this free podcast to our community.

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

Inspired Together Teachers Podcast episode 68 Important Life Lessons from Beloved Children’s Books

Inspired Together Teachers Podcast episode 69 Our Best Summer Reading Suggestions

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Facebook Teacher Warriors Group: Inspired Together Teachers Facebook Group

Linked In: Inspired Together Teachers

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

Unlocking Hidden Potential Ep. 64

May 15, 2024 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

Unlocking Hidden Potential S. 5 E. 64

Listen to this episode to find out why we don’t don’t see hidden potential, how you can recognize it, and what you can do to develop it.

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

Do you recognize potential in yourself? Do you see it others- your family members or friends or students? One of the highest callings in teaching is to see potential in our students, and then both help them see it, and help them develop it. Today we are unlocking hidden potential- what it is, how to find it, and how to nurture it.

What is potential?

We often think of potential as gifts, strengths or talents. In a broader sense, it is also the ability to learn, grow and purse an idea or activity. Potential is also the ability to persevere and rise despite challenges and obstacles.

We all have potential, whether it is recognized or not recognized.

What is hidden potential?

The obvious answer is that hidden potential is untapped potential. We don’t see it ourselves, or others don’t see it in us.

Why would potential be hidden?

We haven’t had the environment to explore or develop a talent.Think of opportunities for kids whose families travel, or attend museums and concerts. Then think of families who don’t do those kinds of things. It is far more difficult to become gifted at art if you haven’t been exposed to it.
People have a limited view of talents- they look for signs of genius, and that is just one picture of potential. We are far more likely to develop skills and talents than be born with them.
Potential is often disguised as work- when people work hard, overcome challenges, are responsible and persevere, they are often fulfilling potential- but we may not see the work behind the achievement or recognize it as any special.

What are some ways of recognizing potential- whether in ourselves or others?

1.Look at strengths, gifts, talents and passions.

This might actually look different that the obvious things most people think of- he’s good at math or she excels in writing.

Psychologist Martin Seligman has created a list of 24 traits that he thinks are reflective of our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. These traits are divided into categories such as wisdom, creativity, curiosity, judgment, love of learning and perspective.

They include things such as bravery, kindness, social intelligence, leadership, teamwork, self-regulation and humor.

Basically, we need to expand our understanding of what it means to have gifts or talents. If you don’t recognize leadership as a gift, you shut down the child who is taking charge and expressing their thoughts- especially if they disagree with yours.

For example, you probably know the adage that a bossy young girl is probably demonstrating leadership skills.

What about the child who is incredibly curious? The child constantly asks questions and demands to know more, or protests having to stop doing an activity. That is actually a gift, and a sign of intelligence, love of learning and seeking to know more about how the world works. Yet it might not be considered potential.

2. Look for signs that someone is extremely perceptive. This might be a child who appears wise beyond his years, or a person who is a big picture thinker. They see patterns in the world, or see many ways to solve a problem.

3. Don’t fall for the trap that potential is being a genius early in life. We think of kids who are highly gifted athletes, or musicians or artists when they are young. For example, think of 8 year old Mozart composing songs and play in concert halls around the world, or the six year old who beats most adults at chess. Those people exist, but genius is not common. Most of us are not superstars. However, skill is more often built that born in!

4. Potential is highly connected to character traits. Teachers understand the power of building character traits, and it has traditionally been a part of schooling. The ability to work hard, to overcome challenges, resilience, emotional intelligence, self-regulation-all of these things are signs of potential that is developed. Teachers know this and try to build these skills, but there is a movement today to abandon anything having to do with such soft skills.

According to Adam Grant, in his book: Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things,

“ When we admire great thinkers, doers and leaders, we often focus narrowly on their performance. That leads us to elevate the people who have accomplished the most and overlook the ones who have achieved the most with the least. The true measure of your potential is not the height of the peak you’ve reached, but how far you’ve climbed to get there.”