Being Seen, Heard, and Understood: The Power of Validation Ep. 82

September 18, 2024 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

Being Seen, Heard, and Understood: The Power of Validation

Season 6 Episode 82

Listen to this episode to learn how you can use validation to acknowledge and bring out the best in yourself and others.

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

Have you ever had a moment when you truly felt seen and heard…when you realized your thoughts and feelings were recognized as worthwhile? That validation, when we give it or receive it from others can be life-changing. The validation we give ourselves can be just as important as the validation we receive from others.

In this episode we explore why validation from others and ourselves matters and how you can increase the validation you experience and give in your life. Stick around as we explore the topic of validation in today’s inspiring episode.

Introduction:

Validation. It is a topic we have addressed indirectly several times in our 80+ podcast episodes, but this is the first time we have dedicated a full episode to it, the first time we have named giving and receiving validation as an essential component in living your best personal and professional life. Today we want to explicitly name and explore it, what validation is and is not, and we will also discuss why we all need to give and receive validation.

What prompted us to give real thought to validation was reading the transcript of Oprah’s commencement speech at Harvard in 2013. Her words, when she talked about validation at that commencement speech, are important to us as teachers, parents, friends, and family members. Instead of paraphrasing, we will read you Oprah’s powerful words.

I have to say that the single most important lesson I learned in 25 years talking every single day to people, was that there is a common denominator in our human experience. Most of us, I tell you we don’t want to be divided. What we want, the common denominator that I found in every single interview, is we want to be validated. We want to be understood. I have done over 35,000 interviews in my career and as soon as that camera shuts off everyone always turns to me and inevitably in their own way asks this question “Was that okay?” I heard it from President Bush, I heard it from President Obama. I’ve heard it from heroes and from housewives. I’ve heard it from victims and perpetrators of crimes. I even heard it from Beyonce and all of her Beyonceness. She finishes performing, hands me the microphone and says, “Was that okay?” Friends and family, yours, enemies, strangers in every argument in every encounter, every exchange I will tell you, they all want to know one thing: was that okay? Did you hear me? Do you see me? Did what I say mean anything to you?

Wow! Those are powerful words, aren’t they? Presidents and Beyonce are asking for validation? Those are people we think of as powerful, confident, and self-assured and they are asking for validation. Truly, we all want to be understood, to be acknowledged, to be heard….all of these are a part of being validated.

Validation- What it is and is not

By definition, validation is the recognition or affirmation that a person, their feelings, or their opinions are valid or worthwhile. It is the feeling you get when others recognize that you are right or good enough.

When we feel validated we truly feel like someone has heard us, they saw us, and they thought we, or our contributions, were useful or were good.

This is a good time to clarify that there is a difference between recognition and validation. Validation is honoring the person or their ideas. Recognition on the other hand, is more of an acknowledgement of something that a person did. For example, if you win the race, you get the recognition with a trophy. Recognition is based on your achievement. Validation is a stronger and more meaning connection than just recognition. Validation doesn’t require an accomplishment. Validation appreciates the person behind the accomplishment.

Validation is implicit in building relationships and recognizing the strengths in ourselves and others. Many times, when we think we are validating that a kid is a good kid, we are actually recognizing an accomplishment and we’re hoping that they make the connection that we are also validating them. Not all kids, or even all adults, are able to make that natural connection. That is why it is so important that we aren’t just recognizing people, but we make sure that we are validating them as people.

Here is a good example of the difference between recognition and validation. We have both won teaching awards. An external entity determined that we were good teachers and recognized us with awards. We like our awards, don’t get us wrong. They hang on our office walls. However, the validation we have didn’t come from external reviewers. The validation came when a student said we made a difference in their life, when a parent said they felt we really took the time to care and love their child, when our teaching partner hugged us and thanked us for helping her through a tough time. That is validation. See the difference? The recognition is good. But the validation drives us and can be life-changing.

There are two different types of validation we need in our lives- validation from others and validation from ourselves.

A lot of teachers recognizing the validation from kids. They have those notes and drawings that remind them that arey are making a difference.

Validation from Others

Whether we like to admit it or not, we seek validation from other people. This DOES NOT mean that you should be a people pleaser all the time or that you should do things only for others to tell you that you are right. However, it is important for all of us to know that someone sees, hears and finds us worthy.

Validation creates positive feelings. Validation can make us feel a sense of harmony with others or with our environment. As teachers, you have seen that look on a child’s face when you tell them they matter or their thoughts are legitimate and valuable. Their whole presence and body language changes when you validate them or their feelings. You also know that student is now more likely to share future ideas and be vulnerable with you. You build trust with them through validation. The same is true in our families, friend groups and communities.

Paula: I was in a work situation once, where there was a lot of tough work to do for a project. It was work I really liked to do. It played into my skill set and I did it well. I felt successful at what I was doing. When the task was done, several colleagues pulled me aside and told me that things went so well with the project because of what I brought to the group. They specifically mentioned my ability to see the big picture and still be able to complete the details. I felt like they really saw me, they saw what I was capable of and willing to do. In turn, I validated them. I truly felt validated and I still have a bond with those work colleagues from years ago.

Michele: Those times when we hear validation are so important to our mental attitude and our sense of self-worth. I can also speak to the opposite of that- when you don’t get validation for something you have worked really hard on, or when you sense a lack of appreciation or even that someone doesn’t even notice you. That is hurtful. I remember a time when not only was my work and the resulting achievement not acknowledged, another person took credit it for it. That changed my relationship with that person forever. There was no validation whatsoever for me, and it was hurtful.

We need validation to feel a sense of belonging with others. Why would you want to stay working at a place where you never felt validated? That isn’t a positive environment. Would you want to teach in a classroom where the kids don’t trust you or each other because they never feel validated? Of course not. We want to be in a environment where we feel a sense of belonging with others.

Validation does not mean that everyone has to agree or approve. You can still have a different opinion and communicate acceptance of the other person’s feelings. That is true acceptance.

It is our right and responsibility to give and receive validation from others. Our ability to give validation is a part of a two way communication in which both parties feel their point of view was heard and acknowledged. It is what solid and positive relationships are made of.

Look for opportunities, at work and at home, to offer more than just recognition. Offer validation to make sure that co-workers, students, friends and family know that you see and understand them. It’s not just saying, “good job.” It is in recognizing something specific in another person and making sure they know you see them and understand them.

Validation from yourself

While it is necessary to get that external validation, we also have to learn to accept our own thoughts, feelings, experiences and ways of being as valid. That means we have to self-reflect and observe ourselves and our feelings without judgement.

We have talked frequently about building self-confidence and a big part of this is validating that your thoughts and feelings are real and meaningful.

Self-talk or having a mantra can help a lot with this. Analyzing and naming your feelings can help you to validate that your feelings and reactions are understandable. Just like you have to be observant to validate others, you need to sit back and be non-judgmental in observing yourself as well.

Michele: This one is really powerful for me. I have often been the person who sits back, listens and observes and then creates plans or programs or takes action. I know how to fly under the radar and still do work that is impactful. Flying under the radar means that you don’t always get noticed. Your validation comes from within when you recognize your contributions and have a strong sense that what you are doing matters. Your work or the way you show up in your life aligns with your values and it allows you to live out your beliefs. For me, that understanding has been a driving force in my life. I would not be able to do what I do without that self-validation.

Paula: For me, journaling has really helped with this self validation piece. So has mediation. When I sit and observe my feelings, and name them in journaling or mediation, I then have some internal dialogue that goes something like, “Yes, those are exactly what you are feeling. And your reasons for those feelings are all valid reasons. Any reasonable person would feel the same in the same situation. You are doing great with what you have. Way to go.” It’s silly, I know, but that self-talk after journaling or mediation provides a great validation for me.

Both of us gave an example that shows how we were able to answer the question in the Oprah story, “was I okay?” You don’t have to wait for someone else to tell you the answer, you can answer it for yourself.

In order to validate others and to give ourselves self-validation, we need to be present, to listen, to recognize and to legitimize the feelings and experiences that shape a person.

When we do these things, and offer validation, the person feels cared for, supported and accepted. Relationships are built and harmony becomes a way of living. Who doesn’t want that in their work and personal life?

We end with this quote from Grammy nominated singer and songwriter Mary Gauthier, “When you see validation for a life’s work and dedication, it’s a beautiful day.”

Recap:

We all deserve to be truly feel seen and heard. We all need moments in our lives when our thoughts and feelings are recognized as worthwhile. That validation, when we give or receive it from others can be life-changing. The validation we give ourselves can be just as important as the validation we receive from others. Validation only requires that we be present, listen, and recognize the feelings and experiences that shape a person. We all have the power to do that.

Quote:

“When you see validation for a life’s work and dedication, it’s a beautiful day.”

Mary Gauthier

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

The Enneagram for Educators

The Enneagram Types 8,9, and 1

The Enneagram Types 2, 3 and 4

The Enneagram Types 5, 6 and 7

The Enneagram Harmony Triads

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Inspired Together Teachers Network Facebook Group

Linked In: Inspired Together Learning

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

Build Better Relationships and Cultivate Community Ep. 81

September 11, 2024 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

Build Better Relationships and Cultivate Community

Season 6 Episode 81

Listen to this episode for simple tips to help you build better relationships and create strong community in your classroom and in your life!

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

Have you ever wished that you had better relationships in your work or home life? Or do you wish that you felt a better sense of community with others? As people, we are naturally social animals. We are constantly in relationship with others and, unless we are hermits, are participating in multiple communities at a time.

In this episode we explore how to build better relationships and to cultivate more meaningful communities in our work and home lives. Positive relationships matter. Belonging, true belonging, to communities matters. You won’t want to miss this episode as we explore how to build better relationships and cultivate meaningful communities in our lives.

In this episode:

Positive relationships have the ability to unleash untapped potential in our students. We talk about uncovering hidden potential often. As teachers, we recognize tapping into hidden potential as part of our purpose, but it also works in our personal lives.

Positive relationships enhance our physical, social, and emotional or mental well-being. Positive relationships can lessen the effects of stress and anxiety. There is so much focus on SEL schools today, and this is an area that addresses SEL skills in simple but effective ways.

Here are some strategies you can use at school and in your personal life to build positive relationships and build communities with others.

Call people by their name.

Everyone likes to be called by name. In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie said, “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

Using students’ names when you talk to them is a sign of respect. Ask students how to pronounce unfamiliar names and if they prefer a variation or nickname. Greet students at the door each morning using their names. Call on students by name. Knowing names may seem like an obvious step, but making a real effort here shows students that you care about them and see them as an individual.

This works in real life as well. When you great someone, use their name. The same is true when you call or text someone. It takes an extra few seconds, but it is more personal. As a bonus, saying someone’s name when you first meet them will help you to remember their name.

Paula: When I meet people with unique names, I am mindful to say their name correctly. I don’t want to give them a nickname as that dismisses the beauty of their given name. I also try not to mispronounce their name. I will often say, “I want to make sure that I am pronouncing your name correctly. How do you say it?” I then repeat it back aloud for confirmation and will often repeat it in my head a few times after to get it to stick.

If you think this isn’t important, think about new parents. They spend a lot of time choosing their children’s names. It is important to them. Our names are part of our identity. It is important to get names right.

Share a little about yourself with others.

This is harder for some people than others. Some people are an open book, they share everything about themselves easily. Others are more reserved and carefully choose what and when they will share something with others.

When trying to build relationships with students, it is important to create a two-way street. If you want to learn about them, you have to be willing to share something about yourself. Tell a funny story about your dog. Talk about your favorite sports or activities. Share a read aloud from your favorite book. Share how you struggled to learn something and what you did to finally learn it.

One teacher shared with us that her students were fascinated by her new baby’s name. Now, they always want to know what her baby is doing- crawling, dumping out the contents of drawers and spitting up peas. There is such a sense of joy because they know something about their teacher. They know the baby’s name and they feel a part of her life outside of school. It is okay to let them know you don’t live at school!

Students will respond better to someone they know, like and trust.

This is true in your personal life as well. You don’t have to over share or share things that you want to be personal, but it can be difficult to know, like, and trust someone who holds are their cards close to their chest that you can’t develop a relationship.

Michele: A close friend has a husband who is very shut down. He rarely interacts with us which makes him difficult to get to know. It isn’t that we don’t like him, but we don’t know anything about him or he us. That is a difficult way to build a relationship. It is hard to build a sense of know, like, or trust with someone who doesn’t let you in.

Paula: I often find this is the time when you can be vulnerable, and show others that you can empathize with them. This can be a fine line…when someone is sharing a story, you don’t want to say, “me too” and then take over their story. However, once they have shared their story, you can be vulnerable and share yours as well if you think it will help the two of you to better connect.

Get to know people as individuals.

Building good relationships with students involves getting to know who your students are as individuals. Ask about their interests, backgrounds, families, and favorite activities. Most teachers know these things about students. You can also dig a little deeper.

Give students interest inventories or have younger students draw pictures of things that are important to them. Look at student records to find out about medical issues such as allergies or any other special concerns.

Ask them to answer questions such as “How can I help you learn best?” Other good questions are “Tell me about a time when learning was fun and easy for you,” and “Tell me a time when learning was a struggle for you.”

Be sure to check students’ IEPs and understand the type of accommodations you will need to provide. Ask for clarification if something is not clear. The IEP always starts with information about the student and their level of performance, both academically and socially. What are their strengths? The IEP is a great source of information, especially for non verbal learners.

The more you know about students as learners, the better you can help them learn.

Think about how this applies with your relationships to others. Do you understand people’s favorite foods, hobbies or interests? Do you see and recognize their individual strengths? Make a habit of recognizing what makes them unique or special and pointing it out to them.

We love the tool of the Enneagram because it helps us to understand people – what their gifts are, how they are motivated, and how they like to be seen or noticed. We have a five episode series on the Enneagram, which is linked below.

Michele: I try to make it a practice to point out someone’s special gifts. For example, I have a friend who is a financial genius. I might ask her a question about something related to finances. I also remind her that she is gifted in this area and I trust her judgement about finances more than anyone else I know. Does she know this? Of course, but she also struggles with confidence. It feels good not to be taken for granted. Who doesn’t like to hear that their special skills are valued? She knows that I see her special gifts. Another friend makes beautiful handmade cards for every occasion and when I thank her, I also add that she makes beautiful cards or point out something special in her design. It makes me feel good to notice her and I’m sure it makes her feel good as well.

Paula: I find this is where the deeper connection happens. We are drawn to people who have a like experience to ours so once we find a connecting experience, preference, or dislike, we have an established base for a relationship. For example, the other day I was talking with a young couple that I don’t know too well. We were left alone together for a short period of time. There could have been moments of silence. Instead, we bonded over the fact that we both had multiples in our family. The young couple, who are just starting their family discussed how multiples run in their family and how their lives will change if their first baby becomes multiple babies. We bonded in just minutes and that is a connection we will share the next time we meet.

This is the rewarding part of building relationships.

In addition to building better relationships, we should also all be on the lookout for ways to cultivate community.

Spend time building a positive community.

There is a lot of research out there about the importance of community in our lives.

People who engage in strong communities have been shown to have increased mental and physical health. Being in a community can also increase your sense of belonging. People who engage in strong communities have been shown to have lower blood pressure, reduced risk of obesity, and even reduced cholesterol levels. Creating and joining in communities can make you live longer, healthier, and happier lives.

Most teachers understand how this works in a classroom. Students who know, like, and understand each other will work better together. Time spent building a positive classroom community is always time well spent.

At the beginning of the year, many teachers did community building activities in their inservices. You may not have appreciated this, many teachers groan about community builders, but the teachers who were new to your district or those who are shy and find it difficult to approach other teachers likely found it beneficial and are grateful for a chance to build community with their colleagues. As a bonus, you probably laughed together and got to know some people better.

Use community building activities during the first weeks of school that help students to get to know each other. There many available activities, use your favorites or search for more on line. Build in time for the students to get to know and like each other. Make sure to join in so they can get to know and like you too!

Here’s a little secret for those who think building community is a waste of time. Building community also reduces classroom management issues. Those community building activities can actually increase the amount of instructional time you have!

You can also build positive communities in your personal life. You may already do these things, but you can also be intentional about it. Maybe you are the one who brings a group of friends together for something fun. Or maybe you are the one that always introduces a friend to someone else you think she would like to know.

Michele: My family is important to me and I am very intentional about being the family host. I joke that I bought a different house because I didn’t have room for my family. Secretly? It isn’t a joke. I did it. Now I host baby showers and wedding showers and graduations and Christmas. Building that positive community of support is important to me and I make time for it.

Paula: I have several different communities I belong to in my personal and work lives and I get something different from each of them- book club, mastermind, high school friend group, parent friend group, teaching partner groups, etc. They all bring me joy and intellectual stimulation in very different but equally important ways. Last week I kayaked with a friend group, which I would never do with other groups but it was exactly what I needed at that time.

If you don’t have different community groups, it is not too late. Find community activities with interest you have and join them. Or, you can build your own groups around your interests and invite others to join you.

Whether the need to build better relationships or cultivate stronger community, or both, spoke to you today, we encourage you to be intentional to have both in your life. Life is easier and longer if we don’t go it alone.

Erik Erikson, who you may remember from your college Ed. Psych class, said this, which sums up the power of relationships well, “Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all.”

Recap:

As world gets more and more divisive, it becomes more important to build better relationships and stronger communities in our lives. Strong relationships and well-cultivated communities are not only a major factor in happiness research, they are shown to actually increase the length of our lives! It pays to be intentional in how we know and interact with other people in our lives. It not only helps us to be our best, it allows us to help others to be their best.

Quote:

“Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all.”

Erik Erikson

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

The Enneagram for Educators

The Enneagram Types 8,9, and 1

The Enneagram Types 2, 3 and 4

The Enneagram Types 5, 6 and 7

The Enneagram Harmony Triads

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Inspired Together Teachers Network Facebook Group

Linked In: Inspired Together Learning

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

This post may use affiliate links. If you purchase an item through our link, we will receive a small portion of the profit with no extra cost to you. This helps us to pay for the costs of bringing this free podcast to our community.

From Conflict to Collaboration: The A+B+C+D Formula for Positive Discussions

September 4, 2024 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

From Conflict to Collaboration: The A+B+C+D Formula for Positive Discussions

Season 6 Episode 80

Check out this episode to learn four steps you can take to make sure you have positive discussions around topics that might be full of conflict!

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

Have you ever engaged in an argument with someone about an educational issue? As teachers, we are constantly involved in discussions about education with our coworkers. It is the nature of what we do. But have you ever wondered how to stop arguing and engage in positive discussions?

While many of discussions in meetings are civil and productive, there are just as many that are unpleasant and unsettling.

Today, we explore ways to keep education conversations passionately positive instead of overwhelmingly negative. We’ll share an easy mnemonic you can use to make sure to avoid upsetting educational conversations and to add more of the positive conversations about teaching and education to your life. We all need more passion and positive discussions in our lives.

Introduction:

Education today is full of controversies. Our whole world is. Education, in particular, can draw a lot of controversy. From large controversial system issues, like how to teach reading or school vouchers, to smaller arguments over everything from handwriting to cafeteria caloric counts, there is always the chance that you will end up in a conversation about education that goes south fast.

While most of these discussions are civil and productive, some are just downright unpleasant and unsettling. You know the kind- you want to duck away, run away or look around for an invisibility cloak just to get out of the conversation. This is especially true when the person you are talking with appears to be settled into their convictions and aren’t even listening to what you are saying.

Examples of Negative and Positive Discussions

Paula: I would bet many of our listeners are nodding their heads right now. Just like the rest of you, I’ve have had my share of educational conversations over my years of teaching. The worst are those when someone derails the conversation from the beginning to steer it in a way that they want it to go so their side of the issue is the one that is at the center of the conversation.

Michele: As a reading teacher and reading specialist, I have had so many difficult conversations about reading. Often times, reading issues are not understood, somebody hasn’t read the research, they don’t understand what reading is all about. It is not about one skill, there are many reading skills that are combined when we teach reading well. Today it seems that we are focusing on phonics and phonics only. Let me be clear, I am in favor of teaching phonics, but it is NOT the only thing we should be teaching.

Paula: You have all probably witnessed firsthand how this negativity can happen between teachers. You know how that goes. One person starts complaining, the next agrees and the whole conversation becomes a list of grievances. By the end of the conversation, it can almost feel like the person who has the most misery tallies wins. I leave those discussions often angry or exhausted.

Michele: I get it that sometimes people just need to vent. Usually with our teacher friends or our teacher community, it is a safe place to vent. But when it becomes an ongoing negative discussion, it is no longer productive.

As part of our work, we often get to be part of discussions with educators who are passionate teachers and strong advocates. Not too long ago, we met with a few teachers to discuss an educational issue that was a hot topic, and that we all had strong feelings about.

One of two things could have happened. The conversation could have become passionately positive or overwhelmingly negative. We chose to be positive and all participants left the discussion feeling better than when we entered. It wasn’t pure luck that the conversation went that way. It was intentional.

So, we explored why that meeting, and others like it, went so well. That is where we came up with the formula we will teach you today.

We followed an algorithm-of-sorts for keeping discussions passionate and positive:

A + B + C + D= Passionately Positive Discussions

A= Always talk to the right people. If you want to be energized, pull people into the discussion who are both passionate and positive. The more positive voices in the conversation, the less likely negative voices are to speak up. You have heard us talk about negativity bias before but it is real and a conversation killer. If you look for the negative, you will be sure to find it. If you have enough positivity in the group, even those with less enthusiasm will feel the influence of the others and be inspired.

Paula: I happen to be a part of a team right now where everyone is passionately positive. Other times in my career I have been on teams that were not so positive. One person or two will bring the whole team down. In all ways possible, in all of your life, try to surround yourself with passionately positive people.

Michele: I just want to add that it doesn’t mean that we don’t want to hear differing opinions, or that we don’t care about people’s experiences, or that we don’t want to hear about the negative things so that we can fix them. It just means that those things we are listening to don’t deride everything else. It doesn’t turn into “poor, poor, pitiful me” or, “look at the terrible situation we are in and we can’t get out of it” kind of situation. You have to be able to hear the dissenting voice but keep the discussion around it positive.

Paula: Also, don’t surround yourself with just everyone who agrees with you. People can be positive and not agree with you.

B= Be clear about expectations. Establish ground rules for your discussion. It’s fine to start out the discussion by saying, “Let’s keep this positive. We’re all passionate about this topic AND we need to remember that we will get nothing accomplished if we turn this into a complaint session.” Being proactive and stating optimistic expectations upfront will be worth it. It is much more difficult to try and turn around a conversation once it has become hostile or depressing.

Paula: It’s like if you are in your class and one kid starts tapping his pencil very loudly. If you haven’t set the expectation that they shouldn’t disrupt others by doing things like tapping their pencil, to point it out then you are publicly singling out that student. The same is true in a conversation with your colleagues. If someone starts complaining and you haven’t set an expectation such as “let’s keep this positive”, and then you call them out publicly, things are going to to go down hill.

Michele: As you talk about that, I am thinking about how rare it is for leaders to start a meeting with setting expectations and setting some ground rules. When I think about some of the greatest leaders I have worked with, I realize that is exactly what they did. They set the task and how to go about it and they reminded people of some things like being civil. That’s a good way to focus.

Paula: You wouldn’t think you would have to do that, but it is really important because we are all so passionate about what we are doing. We are educators, this is our identity. If someone attacks our ideas or beliefs, it is really easy to react and not stop and think and then respond. But, if the expectation is don’t react, think, take a breath and then respond, that could change the whole conversation.

C= Concentrate on solutions. Recognize the problems and what led to them are there and they are real, but focus your passion and energy on the solutions. Too much dwelling on the problems can drain the group’s energy. Solutions, brainstormed by passionate advocates, are usually full of momentum, excitement, and promise. We love find and talking about good solutions.

Paula: I was teaching a pre-service teacher once who would go out and teach and come back after her lesson and she would say, ” Oh my gosh, Im freaking out, I’m freaking out…”

We taught her to shift her mindset to “don’t freak, solution seek”. She was able to come back into the classroom and say “ok, I’m solutions seeking.” It changed how her peers reacted to her. They didn’t know how to help her when she was “freaking out” but they could help with solutions. It became our class motto: “don’t freak, solution seek”.

Think of committees you might have served on at work or in your personal life, the ones that become complaint sessions. They are not likely to have time for seeking solutions. However, those that concentrate on solutions feel like a good use of your precious time. You don’t have a lot of time to sit around and complain. You need and want solutions.

Usually in the meetings where there is complaining, little gets done. When there is brainstorming filling those moments instead, a lot gets done.

We love this quote from motivational speaker Ralph Marston, which puts things into perspective. “Every moment spent in negativity is paid for with something truly priceless. That something is life.”

D= Don’t forget the food. If you want a positive discussion, bring food. There is a feeling of comradery when we share food around a table. Plus, it seems we are all a little more at ease with a chocolate or an appetizer or some snack in our hand.

Having a bagel or some treat at a breakfast meeting can set a positive tone. For example, we put candy on the tables at our workshops. People are always really happy because they don’t expect it and it is a special little treat. They always tell us how much they liked it.

All of these elements combined amount to an educational discussion that is passionate and positive.

This works best if you do all of these pieces. Since it is an equation, imagine that one of them is a 0. That one 0 drains from what could be a great sum.

We know it is a lot to remember all of the suggestions we gave here today. We suggest that you pause and quickly jot down the A, B, C and D so you don’t forget them. If you already forgot, no worries. We review them in the recap at the end of the episode so stick around for another minute.

Conclusion:

We end with this quote from Mahatma Gandhi “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”

We would argue that this same rule applies to conversations about education. Don’t let anyone walk through your education conversations with their dirty feet or sticky hands.

Choose passion and positivity and you can’t go wrong.

What additional components would you add to our algorithm to make educational discussions more passionately and positive? Please share with us, we love when people share ideas and follow up so please share with us. Are there specific educational topics that you avoid because they get negative or certain topics that you really turn into uplifting conversation? Tell us what they are so we can share! We also use your ideas for future podcast episodes.

We wish you many positive conversations in your near future.

Recap:

Following the A + B + C + D mnemonic will keep your discussions passionate and positive! Always talk to the right people. Be clear about expectations. Concentrate on solutions and don’t forget the food! If you do all of these, you won’t leave the space open for negative or unproductive educational discussions.

Quote:

“Every moment spent in negativity is paid for with something truly priceless. That something is life.”

Ralph Marston

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Inspired Together Teachers Blog: Don’t Freak Solution Seek

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Inspired Together Teachers Network Facebook Group

Linked In: Inspired Together Learning

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

A Fresh Start: Top 10 Tips for a Great School Year Ep.77

August 14, 2024 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

A Fresh Start: Top 10 Tips for a Great School Year S. 5 Ep.77

Listen to this episode for our top 10 best strategies and tips for a great school year!

Show notes:

In this busy back-to school time, we are sharing several of our best back-to-school inspired episodes to help you to start your school year strong!

Episode Summary:

As every teacher knows there is something special about the beginning of a new school year. Each new year brings new beginnings, new opportunities, and a fresh start with fresh faces. In this episode, we’re talking about steps can take to make sure the year gets off to a great start. Listen as we countdown our top ten tips for a great school year!

Introduction:

We love the start of a new school year and bet that you do too. There is little that can compare to the excitement and opportunity that a new school year brings. Along with the smell of new pencils, there is so much potential that is out in front of us, waiting for teachers and students to bring it to life. There will be new relationships with new colleagues and new students. There will be opportunity for new ways of learning and plenty of light bulb moments. There will also be growth- for the students and for you.

Call us eternal optimists, but we want to embrace each new year and give it our best. So, we created a countdown of ten of our favorite suggestions for starting the school year with energy, strength and optimism that we are excited to share with you.Our top ten tips to get your school year off to a great start:

Tip Number 10: Create a good sub folder.

We added this to our countdown because we believe in the power of a great substitute folder and the beginning of the school year is the perfect time to create that sub folder.

You need a great sub folder. It ‘s going to happen, you are going to be sick or have an unexpected emergency that requires you to be absent from school. No matter how healthy you are and how strong your immune system, you will be in contact with students who sometimes come to school ill. You will sleep better knowing that you have a solid sub folder when those unexpected sick days occur.

Trying to prepare good lesson plans when you are not feeling well or when you are in the midst of a family emergency is no fun. We recommend that you prepare a complete and highly usable sub folder.

We have a whole blog post on our website dedicated to specific items to add to your sub folder, which we will link in the resources. At the very least we suggest you include the following in your sub folder:

Your daily and weekly class schedule
Your class attendance lists and seating charts
Attendance and lunch count procedures
Passwords to the white board or computer if they need it to run the lessons
A list of classroom rules and expectations
A list of students with medical concerns (be thoughtful about student privacy issues but share what is necessary)
Location of emergency information for fire drills etc.
A general note to the sub explaining your routines
A list of reliable students and colleagues who can answer questions or be helpful
2 or 3 days’ worth of lesson plans and activities that are related to your subject and that provide important skill work. Your emergency lesson plans should not be directly connected to your current unit of study. This allows you to keep emergency sub plans without having to change them in the moment to reflect the current unit.

Though it does take some time to set up a good sub folder, the time will be well spent when you find yourself suddenly ill or in the midst of a family emergency. You will feel a level of security and comfort knowing that no matter what happens, you have done your best to leave your students in good hands.

Tip Number 9: Build time for yourself into every day.

It is important that you take some time to recharge your own battery. Try to do at least one small thing every day that makes you calm and happy. Do things that feed your soul- even for ten or fifteen minutes if that is all that you can manage. This will help you to stay positive and connected to your values.

Many of you are exploring ways to teach mindfulness to your students. It is also important for you. Stress is real and has many negative health effects. You give so much to so many every day. If you are looking for ideas for self-care, check out Episode 16 where we talk about the difference between real self-care and faux self-care.

Where do you find the time? You don’t. You create it. Use time blocking to carve in a block for yourself. Use a master weekly calendar. Block in your prep times and other work blocks. Then block in buffer blocks, which are short times blocks where you will do multiple small tasks such as sending an email. Then add people blocks, which is where you spend time with people you care about. You also need personal time blocks where you block in some time for yourself. This helps you to use your time wisely.

Tip Number 8: Help students get to know you.

When students feel like they know and understand you, it will go a long way in making your school year run smoothly. Let the students know a bit about you right from the beginning. Tell a funny story about your dog. Talk about your favorite sports or activities. Share a read aloud from your favorite book or tell them about your favorite summer activities. Students will respond better to someone they know, like and trust. You can share bits of yourself without oversharing or becoming a friend rather than a teacher.

One of our favorite teachers has a framed picture of himself when he was the same age as his students so they can envision him when he was their age. Other teachers like to share pictures of their summer adventures so the kids have something to talk with them about. For example, the teacher may project a funny picture of her looking terrified while white water rafting which sparks a later conversation with a student who says they felt that way when they went kayaking with their uncle. Little details about yourself at the beginning of the year can lead to big connections throughout the rest of the year.

Tip Number 7: Establish positive relationships with parents and guardians from the start.

At some point in the year you will need to talk with parents. You don’t want the first thing they hear from you to be that their child is failing or that there are behavior issues that need to be addressed.

Start the new year by introducing yourself. Write a note to parents in a letter home, newsletter, or in your parent communication portal. Give a few details about your interest, your education and your hopes and dreams for learning this school year.

Follow up with information about your expectations, and procedures. You can also include a syllabus or a description of some of the content you will explore or projects that students will experience.

This is also a good place to establish boundaries. Tell them the best way to contact you and the times that you are available to schedule a phone call.

Tip Number 6: Be open to change.

Flexibility is uncomfortable for many teachers who are naturally organized and well-planned. Teaching involves working with real, live, active participants whose needs are ever changing and always evolving. There will be situations out of your control. Sometimes the best strategy is to go with the flow and figure things out as you go. If you thrive on being well-planned, create some contingency plans for days when your regular plans aren’t possible. Setting a goal to go with the flow, right from the beginning of the year, will set you on the right path toward a successful school year.

One middle school teacher gave us this cheeky motto: “Flexibility is our favorite “F” word.”

Tip Number 5: Get to know students as individuals and as learners.

This goes hand in hand with Tip number 8. Let the students get to know you. In return, it is important that you get to know who your students are as individuals. Building good relationships with students involves getting to know who your students are as individuals. Ask about their interests, backgrounds, families, and favorite activities. Give students interest inventories or have younger students draw pictures of things that are important to them. Look at student records to find out about medical issues such as allergies or any other special concerns. The more you know about individual students, the better the bonds you will be able to create with them.

The more you know about students as learners, the better you can help them learn. Give students learning inventories, multiple intelligences surveys or ask them to answer questions such as “How can I help you learn best?” Other good questions are, “Tell me about a time when learning was fun and easy for you,” and “Tell me a time when learning was a struggle for you.” Be sure to check students’ IEPs and understand the type of accommodations you will need to provide. Ask for clarification if something is not clear.

Tip Number 4: Create a classroom environment that you love.

You spend a lot of time in your classroom, make it a place that you love to be in.

Rearrange the furniture. Find different furniture- most schools have a room in the basement or behind the gym with left over odds and ends. Go thrifting. Add a table or another bookshelf. Make your classroom work well for you and for your students. Ask yourself, “What would I need in order to make this room function well?

Consider the colors of your room. How does it feel? Is it open, inviting, and warm? Consider different lighting. Add some plants. Don’t be afraid to add something fun or quirky.

We’ve seen stuffed animals as classroom mascots who hold fun signs with reminders or compliments, and even a model of a human skeleton that dressed up with hats and ties and sports shirts for different holidays and events.

Make bulletin boards that work for you that are not difficult to maintain.

Here are some ideas for easy bulletin boards. Use a quote board. Leave the background and change out the quote each week. Use a large world or US map. Pin things to it, or use it to discuss connections to content. Leave a board for student work and student ideas. Cover it with blank white paper and have students write their key takeaways. The next week they make a connection from something they learned to something in their life… the ideas are endless.

Tip Number 3: Positive Notes for Days I Really Need Them

If you haven’t yet made yourself a folder for Positive Notes for Days I Really Need Them, the beginning of the school year is the perfect time to create one. As a teacher, you are going to make a difference to someone. It is the nature of our profession that sometimes you will never know how you might have affected someone. Fortunately, other times you will know. People will thank you. You will get scribbled cards, written in messy crayon that says “You are the best teacher.” You will get a grateful e-mail from a parent or a guidance counselor. Someone will tell you that you are doing a great job.

Get yourself a folder or box or an accordion file and save every single one of those positive notes.

Save them for days that are difficult, and there will be plenty of those. Save them for when you are working too hard, and not making enough money and it just doesn’t seem worth it. Save it for those days when a parent makes you cry and days when the students are acting out and you are tired of dealing with it all.

When you are down or struggling, take out that folder and start reading. Those messages, notes and cards will lift you up. They will encourage you and remind you that what you are doing matters. They will feed your soul and revive your spirit.

If you are looking for more information on this type of folder, we wrote a blog post about it. We will link to it in the resources.

Tip Number 2: Focus on building good relationships with students.

The more you know and understand students, the easier it will be to teach them. The more that they know you care, the more likely it is that they will thrive. When students thrive, they can learn. Spend as much time as you can in the early weeks of school, getting to know students and helping them to know each other. Building relationships with them from the beginning maximizes the opportunities to expand upon that connection all year long.

Everyone likes to be called by name, and using students’ names when you talk to them is a sign of respect. Get to know student’s names as soon as possible. Ask students how to pronounce unfamiliar names and if they prefer a variation or nickname.

Greet students at the door each morning using their names. Call on students by name. Seating charts and name tag tents on the desks may help in the first few days. Knowing names may seem like an obvious step, but making a real effort here shows students that you care.

If you are a teacher who sees hundreds of students in a day, consider taking a picture of each student, adding their name to their picture, and creating a class roster with the pictures. Using this photographic roster may help you learn the students’ names better.

We can’t say enough about the power of building relationships with your students. Having a relationship with students makes the difficult conversations just a little easier, and makes the celebrations of a student’s accomplishment just a little more sweet. We think this quote from Dan Rather shows the power of a positive student and teacher relationship:

“The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called ‘truth.”

We can have more truthful conversations when we have built good relationships.

And Finally, our top tip for getting off to a great start this school year…

Tip Number 1: Spend time building classroom community.

Students who know, like, and understand each other will work better together. Time spent at the beginning of the year can go a long way towards building a positive classroom community. Use community building activities during the first weeks of school that help students to get to know each other. There many available activities, use your favorites or search for more on line.

We have a blog post entitled Essential Tips for the First Week of School that lists a few of our favorite community building activities for the first weeks of school.

Another great way to build community is to have good conversations with them about things that matter to them. Be honest and respectful. Let them share their ideas and opinions. You can have a classroom meeting or in the elementary grades, use your morning circle time.

The first weeks of school can make or break how your school year unfolds. Getting off on the right foot will help you set expectations that will reward you all year long. The time you spend building community will pay off in terms of better relationships with and between the students. Students will be more engaged with you and each other, which will result in fewer classroom management issues and THAT is an excellent way to start the year!

We end today with a quote from one of our favorite educators and authors, Esme Codell:

“Thirty-one chances. Thirty-one futures, our futures. It’s an almost psychotic feeling, believing that part of their lives belongs to me. Everything they become, I also become. And everything about me, they helped to create.”

We hope you have a great school year. Know that together, we are cheering you on!

Recap:

To recap, starting the new school year with energy, strength and optimism will set the stage for a happier and more engaged school year. Don’t delay, start that sub folder and the folder for the “Positive Notes for Days I really Need Them”. Get to know your students as people and learners while letting them learn a little about you too. Send a positive message to parents. Be sure to set aside a little time for yourself each day and be open to change. Create your classroom in a way that makes it a great space for you and your students. Focus on building those good relationships with students and remember, you can’t do enough community building in the first weeks of school. All of your efforts will ensure a more positive experience for you and for the students for the rest of the year!

Resources:

Inspired Together Teachers Podcast Ep. 16 Real Self -Care

Positive Notes for Days I Really Need Them

Essential Tips for the First Week of School

How to Create an Amazing and Effective Sub Folder

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers Network

Linked In: Inspired Together Learning

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

How to Build Better Relationships: Lessons from Our Pets Ep. 73

July 17, 2024 by Inspired Together Teachers Leave a Comment

How to Build Better Relationships: Lessons from Our Pets S. 5 E. 73

Check out this episode if you are a pet lover! We’re sharing tips on how to build better relationships that we’ve learned from some of our best relationships- those with our pets!

Show Notes:

Episode summary:

Relationships are complex. We all want to build better relationships but sometimes all of the complicating factors that accompany relationship get in the way.

In this episode, we discuss ways to build better relationships by examining the lessons we can learn from some of the most uncomplicated and genuine relationships we have. What relationships are those? The relationships we have with our pets!

Though this episode is lighthearted and fun, it is also important. Our pets have a lot to teach us about building better relationships. All we have to do is listen and learn from them. We hope you’ll join us today to do just that!

Introduction:

Building healthy and strong relationships is one of the most important things you can do in your life.

We have referenced this in other episodes, but it is worth repeating- having strong relationships in your personal life can increase your happiness, your physical and mental health, and can even increase your lifespan.

Having strong relationships can help you feel less alone and can offer you support and guidance to help you make it through the tough times.

In our professional lives, we know that building relationships with students is vital to their success. Students will learn more from teachers who have taken the time to build a relationship with them. As relationships grow, student motivation increases and behavior problems decrease.

Having strong and healthy relationships with our colleagues is also important for our happiness. If you haven’t listened to episode 62 of this podcast, titled Teachers Supporting Teachers, check it out for proof of why healthy and productive relationships with our colleagues are so needed.

There are hundreds of community building activities and strategies to help you build relationships both in and outside of your classroom. These activities are useful, but sometimes they aren’t enough. Relationships are fraught with complexities so building strong relationships is often easier said than done.

To really find what works in building better relationships, it is useful to go back to the basics- studying the least complex components of relationship building first and then building off of those basics.

It’s sort of like a game of chess. You don’t learn chess by studying the most complex moves first. You start with the basics, the moves that are simple and obvious. Once these moves are perfected, you are ready to play a more complex game of chess.

So today, we are going to take a lesson from what are arguably the easiest and least complex relationships around- those we have with our furry friends.

Background about our pets:

Michele: I am a cat person.

Paula: and I am a dog person.

Michele: Today I will be talking about the relationship building lessons I learned from my cat “Sassy” quite a bit so I want to tell you a little about her. When my cat Cozy died, her buddy Gatsby moped around the house. They had been best friends, and Gatsby seemed sad and lonely. We decided to get another cat from the Humane Society.

I should have known that my choice was fraught with challenges. I found “Maybelle” isolated in a room away from the other cats. She had been found, skinny and starving, in a heavily trafficked urban neighborhood. She was medically fine, but non-cooperative. She refused to eat until she was given an appetite stimulant.

On the day I found her, she had eaten, and thus, her status was changed to “adoptable.”

I loved the way her eyes watched me when I walked into the room and followed me as I moved around. When we let her out of the cage, she climbed onto a cat tree, but wouldn’t come near. She watched us carefully, more curious than afraid. She let me pet her for a second before moving away.

I am not a first- time cat Momma. I’ve had several rescue cats, including feral kittens. Those big green eyes and curious looks had me from the beginning. I was up for the challenge. She came home with us.

Advised to keep her isolated at first, we put her in the guest room. She ran under the bed and refused to come out. I made sure she had food, water and clean litter. She did not eat. She would not let me touch her.

This went on for days, and then weeks. She could not be tempted by cat treats. I would sit in the room with her, on the floor with a book or my computer, so that she could get used to me. She watched me, always curious, but did not come near.

After two weeks, I feared she would starve to death. I would have taken her back to the Humane Society but I could not get near enough to her to pick her up. She was feisty, and her claws quickly turned into weapons.

“It’s like she’s a stranger,” I remarked to my husband. “A stranger in a new country. A Sassenach.”

Sassenach is the Gaelic/Scottish word for foreigner, a word which I’d picked up from the books and TV series Outlander.

We dubbed her Sassenach, but due to her belligerent personality, she quickly became “Sassy” for short.

I started bribing her with cat treats. She would look at them, and appear interested but would not take them. I started leaving them in the room when I left, and eventually, I found them gone in the morning. The cat treats kept her alive.

Eventually we became friends. Now she follows me everywhere, often just happy to be in the room with me.

How did we move from being wary and distant to being friends? In the same way that we can build relationships with complex people in our lives.

Paula: Before we get into these lessons, I will tell you a bit about my dog “Bear.” My son named her Bear because she looks a bit like a mix between a brown bear and a teddy bear. She is a big girl! When we adopted her from the Humane Society she was 47 pounds and we were led to believe she was full grown. 47 lbs was big enough to qualify her as a little bear. Unfortunately, she was not fully grown and now I have a 93 pound dog who really does look like a small brown bear.

When we got Bear she was the opposite of Sassy. Bear was very social but was very unaware of any social boundaries. She assumed that everyone wanted to be licked or jumped on by her. Convincing her that she was not a lap dog was difficult. Bear had spent her first six months on a screened in porch with one other dog, not ever walking on concrete until we got her and not interacting a lot with people. People clearly have different boundaries than another dog, but she didn’t know that.

So what important, basic lessons about building better relationships can we learn from our pets?

As we mentioned, both of our pets came to us with tough pasts. But pets don’t bring all of the complexities that people do. Let’s explore the basics that we can learn from our pets that will help us all when building better relationships in people our work and home lives.

Build better relationships by noticing them.

Don’t we all want to be seen? To know that someone has noticed us? People may not make it as obvious as animals, but we all want to be seen.

Michele: From the beginning, Sassy watched me. I watched her back. When she was in hiding, I would peak at her under the bed but not try to grab her or bring her out. Even now I will catch her looking at me to see if I am looking at her. She wants me to notice her. She will raise her head so I can pet her.

Paula: Bear is so completely obvious that she wants to be seen that it is almost impossible to ignore her. She has no pretenses so she will drop her ball right in your lap, no matter how busy you are, to let you know that she wants to be seen. As annoying at that can be sometimes, it would be easier if people were as forthright about when and how they need to be noticed so we don’t need to try and guess. The best way to make sure people feel noticed is to notice them before they need to get your attention in a less than ideal way.

Do you notice your students? Do you really notice your family members or are you distracted by life and forget to sit and really look at or listen to them? How do you let them know you see them? Maybe it is with a smile or a nod. Perhaps you remark about someone’s new shirt or ask about their family. When you notice, you acknowledge that you care. You are building trust.

Build better relationships by calling them by name.

Most people also like to be called by name. In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie said, “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

Michele: When Sassy was at her most frightened, I quietly called her by name. She learned her name quickly. Now she comes when I call her.

Paula: I think of the number of times I say Bear’s name in a day. It is actually rather shocking. I call her by name in the morning, when I play with her, when I get home, etc. I don’t think I ever call people by their names that much. What a startling realization.

It adds only a second to call people by name. They will notice and appreciate it.

Paula gives an example of a worker at Panera who calls everyone by their name. In return, Paula made an effort to learn this person’s name and call her by name so she knows she is valued. It takes time and effort to remember names and acknowledge people by name, but it is worth the effort.

Build better relationship by being patient.

Relationships aren’t always built overnight. It takes time to figure people out, to establish boundaries, and to determine what everyone needs to make the relationship the best it can be.

It took months for Michele to build enough trust with Sassy that she could be petted. Now Sassy falls asleep on her lap.

Although Bear was overly loving, she did not know her boundaries. She took a string from the carpet and pulled it as a toy. She chewed up a few shoes. It would have been easy to give up on her but since they were in it for the long haul, and because they knew she was still learning and growing, they just had to wait out the remaining puppy stage.

You will want to build relationships with new people in your life quickly. Some people, especially students and some colleagues, will need time. Don’t give up on them. Be patient. You will all figure each other out eventually if you keep trying.

Build better relationship by being consistent.

In relationships, it is important that people know what to expect from each other. In order to build better relationships, we can’t be all over the place. You don’t have to be someone you aren’t, but you should be the you that is consistent so that people know what to expect when you show up.

Michele: I spend a few minutes with Sassy every morning and every evening. I feed her at the same time. I buy the same food, the same cat treats and the same litter. I keep her favorite blanket on the chair. Security is important to her. I can’t change whatever happened to her when she was living on the streets, but I can give her creature comforts with consistency.

Paula: We actually took Bear to what we lovingly refer to as Naughty Dog Bootcamp. We learned commands that everyone in the house could say so she knew what to expect from all of us. It wasn’t until we did that, that I realized how we were all using different words and commands to direct her. How confusing that must have been for her!

You all know the students who like to know exactly what is going to happen. They thrive on structure. Despite whatever challenges they must deal with in their lives, you can be consistent in your approach with them.

We also have those adults in our lives who are hard to read. You never know if they will show up in a good mood or bad mood, will be agreeable or will be looking to start an argument. It is a lot of work to build relationships with these people. In order to build better relationships, you can be the consistent person, even if the others are not.

Build better relationships by celebrating small, quick wins.

Especially in relationships that are difficult, it is important to recognize and celebrate the small quick wins.

Michele: I couldn’t hold Sassy for months, but I celebrated close approximations. If she came out from under the bed while I was in the room, I left a cat treat. If she took a step toward me, I rewarded her with another little treat. My approach was classic positive reinforcement, but it worked.

Paula: After the aforementioned Naughty Dog Bootcamp, I learned the importance of pointing out to Bear all the good things she was doing. For example, when she didn’t jump on the Amazon guy and try to lick his face, that got an immediate “good girl.” When she walked away from a shoe even though she gave it a second longing glance, I petted her and let her know that I noticed and was proud.

We can celebrate small quick wins in our relationships almost daily if we look for them. With our students, we can celebrate when yesterday’s 61 becomes today’s 65. It may not be where you want it to be, but there is progress. With our negative colleague, it can be thanking them for a positive contribution they made to the team. Difficult family member? Look for and point out the things they do to help others in the family.

Build better relationships by changing their day.

We can’t control what has happened to people in the past. We can’t even control what will happen to them in the future. But we can make their day pleasant. At the end of the day, when we are building better relationships with people, what they really need is to know they are safe and cared for when interacting with us.

Michele: I often wonder what had happened to Sassy on the streets, and know she must have been frightened. I try to make her day pleasant. I leave cat toys laying around. The first thing in the morning I open the shades because she loves to look out. On nice days, I open a window. I’ll talk to her as she follows me around. She doesn’t need much but to know that she is safe, have her basic needs met, and something interesting to do.

Paula: I know Bear trusts us because she lays on her back with her belly exposed for us to pet her. It feels good knowing that, we are providing her a place where she can feel safe enough to relax and be vulnerable.

You also have the power to change the trajectory of someone’s life, or at least their day. Look for opportunities to do so and then take them.

Conclusion:

It makes sense to end with this quote by former first lady of the United States, Rosalynn Carter, who said “Do what you can to show you care about other people, and you will make our world a better place.”

You will make the world, and your own life, a brighter place by building better relationships.

A special shout out to Sassy and Bear for the inspiration for this episode.

Are there additional lessons about relationship building you have learned from your pets? If so, be sure to give them an extra hug or snuggle tonight to thank them for being such patient teachers.

Recap:

In this episode, we explored important lessons we have learned from our pets on how to build better relationships. Want to build better relationships in your work and home life? Notice your people, address them by name, be patient and consistent, and celebrate those small wins. By doing all of this you will not only strengthen your relationships but you might just change their day and yours too.

Quote:

“Do what you can to show you care about other people, and you will make our world a better place.”

Rosalynn Carter

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

Inspired Together Teachers Episode 62 Teachers Supporting Teachers,

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Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

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More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

Being Seen, Heard, and Understood: The Power of Validation

Listen to this episode to learn how you can use validation to acknowledge and bring out the best in yourself and others.

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

Introduction:

Validation- What it is and is not

Validation from Others

Validation from yourself

Recap:

Quote:

Mary Gauthier

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Build Better Relationships and Cultivate Community

Season 6 Episode 81

Listen to this episode for simple tips to help you build better relationships and create strong community in your classroom and in your life!

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

In this episode:

Here are some strategies you can use at school and in your personal life to build positive relationships and build communities with others.

Call people by their name.

Share a little about yourself with others.

Get to know people as individuals.

Spend time building a positive community.

Recap:

Quote:

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

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From Conflict to Collaboration: The A+B+C+D Formula for Positive Discussions

Season 6 Episode 80

Check out this episode to learn four steps you can take to make sure you have positive discussions around topics that might be full of conflict!

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

Introduction:

Examples of Negative and Positive Discussions

A + B + C + D= Passionately Positive Discussions

Conclusion:

Recap:

Quote:

Resources mentioned in this episode:

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A Fresh Start: Top 10 Tips for a Great School Year S. 5 Ep.77

Listen to this episode for our top 10 best strategies and tips for a great school year!

Show notes:

Episode Summary:

Introduction:

Tip Number 10: Create a good sub folder.

Tip Number 9: Build time for yourself into every day.

Tip Number 8: Help students get to know you.

Tip Number 7: Establish positive relationships with parents and guardians from the start.

Tip Number 6: Be open to change.

Tip Number 5: Get to know students as individuals and as learners.

Tip Number 4: Create a classroom environment that you love.

Tip Number 3: Positive Notes for Days I Really Need Them

Tip Number 2: Focus on building good relationships with students.

And Finally, our top tip for getting off to a great start this school year…

Tip Number 1: Spend time building classroom community.

Recap:

Resources:

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How to Build Better Relationships: Lessons from Our Pets S. 5 E. 73

Check out this episode if you are a pet lover! We’re sharing tips on how to build better relationships that we’ve learned from some of our best relationships- those with our pets!

Show Notes:

Episode summary:

Introduction:

Background about our pets:

Build better relationships by calling them by name.

Build better relationship by being patient.

Build better relationship by being consistent.

Build better relationships by celebrating small, quick wins.

Build better relationships by changing their day.

Conclusion: