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Create Your Best Life With Meaningful Connections Ep. 93

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Season 6 Episode 93

group of friends, meaningful connections

To create your best life, build meaningful connections. Listen to this episode to find out what types of people you need and who you might be missing.  

Show Notes:  

Episode Summary:

Do you want to feel more alive? If so, you need to find your people. Having the right kinds of relationships can not only make us feel more alive, they can expand us and help us to grow.

In today’s episode we are talking about meaningful connections. If we want to create our best life, we need to be intentional about the types of relationships we have. Join us as we discuss the kinds of people you need in your life. Do you have the right people in your orbit? Let’s find out!

In this episode:

These show notes are not a word-by-word script fo the episode. We often give examples and tell stories to illustrate our points. For the best experience, please listen to the episode.

Introduction:

This is the third part in our series Create Your Best Life. If you haven’t listened to the earlier episodes, you might want to go back and listen to episodes 91 and 92.

In episode 91 we introduced the Create Your Best life challenge and talked about Jonathan Fields 3 buckets we all need to keep filled in order to life our best lives from his book How to Live a Good Life.

In episode 92, we talked about the vitality bucket. Today we are talking about the connections bucket.

The power of our connections

The power of having strong connections is no secret.

You all know Abraham Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. Maslow knew that belongingness and love are core needs, and they are part of the trio of essential needs which also include vital biological systems such as breathing and eating and personal safety. Without connection we have a failure to thrive.

Happiness research also validates the importance of having strong connections.

In the longest in-depth longitudinal study on human life ever done, over 85 years and counting, there was a simple and profound conclusion: good relationships lead to health and happiness.

According to Harvard research and author of The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness,

“Contrary to what many people might think, it’s not career achievement, or exercise, or a healthy diet. Don’t get us wrong; these things matter (a lot). But one thing continuously demonstrates its broad and enduring importance: Good relationships. In fact, good relationships are significant enough that if we had to take all eighty-four years of the Harvard Study and boil it down to a single principle for living, one life investment that is supported by similar findings across a wide variety of other studies, it would be this: Good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period.”

Social Connections are also connected to our health.

  • Help us fight disease
  • Lowers blood pressure
  • Lower stress
  • Antidote for depression
  • Increases high performance
  • Socially isolated adults have a 2.5 times higher risk of coronary disease and early death

Clearly our connections matter.

The Connections Bucket

Jonathan Fields talks about three buckets we need to keep filled. One of these is the connections bucket. This includes family, friends, colleagues, students, community and even our spiritual connections.

Our connections give us a sense of belonging. We find laughter, unconditional love, a sense of being understood through our connections. We feel emotional safety.

The right people help us feel alive. They validate us and make us better. They help us to flourish. When we are with the right people, we are seen, heard, understood and accepted. We can access our real selves and our full potential.

What if you are missing positive connections in your life?

Without connections, we can shrink, hold back or be diminished. We are fearful of letting our true selves be known.

Problems with relationships:

  • Relationships can make you feel vulnerable.
  • Teacher isolation- it’s real and it’s hard.
  • Lack of community or a non-supportive environment- Be careful who you share your dreams with.
  • Some people in your life can’t or won’t support you.
  • You don’t have to cut people out of your life, but you control how much you let them in.
  • Don’t let toxic people or emotional vampires suck you dry! Set boundaries with these people.

The world may not automatically give you the environment that you need, but you can create it.

We all have the power to create the environment and the connections we need in our lives.

You don’t need an entourage, just a handful of people who understand and support you in the ways you need to be supported.

We love this quote, from a teacher friend, Dani Way Lawlor. We shared in in our book, The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

“Find your teacher people and love them hard.

Teaching is hard and wonderful all at the same time.

 No one can do it alone.

Find those people who will cry with you, let you vent,

 laugh with you, help turn crazy ideas into a reality,

support you, build you up, and celebrate victories with you and hold them tight.

They are the ones who will tell you that you can do it, even when you don’t think you can!”

Dani Way-Lawler

High School Special Education Teacher

Find your people.

We need different types of support. Who can support you in the following ways? Listen to the following as think about who in your life fills this role.

Someone who cheers you on

Someone who you can confide in

Someone who can mentor you

Someone who motivates you

Someone who stretches you

Someone who brings fun

Someone who believes in your dreams

Someone who loves you unconditionally

Analyze your people with this lens:

Are these people who support me in living my best life?  How?

Do I often feel energized and engaged with these people?

What kind of energy, actions, ideas, talents etc. do these people bring to my life?

Is something or someone missing? Who or what?

Recap:

At the end of the day, your people matter. Find those you can love, laugh with, cry with and those who fill you up and remind you that life is good.

Our mission at Inspired Together Teachers is to support you- we’d love to connect with you and have you join us on this journey.

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

Episode 19 You Have the Power to Design Your Life

Episode 5 The Power of Community

Episode 20  Build Your Star System

Blog post: Use Your TEAM to Help You Thrive

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Inspired Together Teachers Network  Facebook Group

Linked In:  Inspired Together Learning

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

Build Better Relationships and Cultivate Community Ep. 81

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Build Better Relationships and Cultivate Community

Season 6 Episode 81

photo of hundreds of yellow balls with smiling faces on them, Build Better Relationships and Cultivate Community

Listen to this episode for simple tips to help you build better relationships and create strong community in your classroom and in your life!

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

Have you ever wished that you had better relationships in your work or home life? Or do you wish that you felt a better sense of community with others? As people, we are naturally social animals. We are constantly in relationship with others and, unless we are hermits, are participating in multiple communities at a time.

In this episode we explore how to build better relationships and to cultivate more meaningful communities in our work and home lives. Positive relationships matter. Belonging, true belonging, to communities matters. You won’t want to miss this episode as we explore how to build better relationships and cultivate meaningful communities in our lives.

 In this episode:

Positive relationships have the ability to unleash untapped potential in our students. We talk about uncovering hidden potential often. As teachers, we recognize tapping into hidden potential as part of our purpose, but it also works in our personal lives.

Positive relationships enhance our physical, social, and emotional or mental well-being. Positive relationships can lessen the effects of stress and anxiety. There is so much focus on SEL schools today, and this is an area that addresses SEL skills in simple but effective ways.

Here are some strategies you can use at school and in your personal life to build positive relationships and build communities with others.

Call people by their name.

Everyone likes to be called by name. In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie said, “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

Using students’ names when you talk to them is a sign of respect. Ask students how to pronounce unfamiliar names and if they prefer a variation or nickname. Greet students at the door each morning using their names. Call on students by name. Knowing names may seem like an obvious step, but making a real effort here shows students that you care about them and see them as an individual.

This works in real life as well. When you great someone, use their name. The same is true when you call or text someone.  It takes an extra few seconds, but it is more personal. As a bonus, saying someone’s name when you first meet them will help you to remember their name.

Paula: When I meet people with unique names, I am mindful to say their name correctly. I don’t want to give them a nickname as that dismisses the beauty of their given name. I also try not to mispronounce their name. I will often say, “I want to make sure that I am pronouncing your name correctly. How do you say it?” I then repeat it back aloud for confirmation and will often repeat it in my head a few times after to get it to stick.

If you think this isn’t important, think about new parents. They spend a lot of time choosing their children’s names. It is important to them. Our names are part of our identity. It is important to get names right.

Share a little about yourself with others.  

This is harder for some people than others. Some people are an open book, they share everything about themselves easily. Others are more reserved and carefully choose what and when they will share something with others.

When trying to build relationships with students, it is important to create a two-way street. If you want to learn about them, you have to be willing to share something about yourself. Tell a funny story about your dog. Talk about your favorite sports or activities. Share a read aloud from your favorite book. Share how you struggled to learn something and what you did to finally learn it.

One teacher shared with us that her students were fascinated by her new baby’s name. Now, they always want to know what her baby is doing- crawling, dumping out the contents of drawers and spitting up peas. There is such a sense of joy because they know something about their teacher. They know the baby’s name and they feel a part of her life outside of school. It is okay to let them know you don’t live at school!

Students will respond better to someone they know, like and trust.

This is true in your personal life as well. You don’t have to over share or share things that you want to be personal, but it can be difficult to know, like, and trust someone who holds are their cards close to their chest that you can’t develop a relationship.

Michele: A close friend has a husband who is very shut down. He rarely interacts with us which makes him difficult to get to know. It isn’t that we don’t like him, but we don’t know anything about him or he us. That is a difficult way to build a relationship. It is hard to build a sense of know, like, or trust with someone who doesn’t let you in.

Paula: I often find this is the time when you can be vulnerable, and show others that you can empathize with them. This can be a fine line…when someone is sharing a story, you don’t want to say, “me too” and then take over their story. However, once they have shared their story, you can be vulnerable and share yours as well if you think it will help the two of you to better connect.

Get to know people as individuals.

Building good relationships with students involves getting to know who your students are as individuals. Ask about their interests, backgrounds, families, and favorite activities. Most teachers know these things about students. You can also dig a little deeper.

Give students interest inventories or have younger students draw pictures of things that are important to them. Look at student records to find out about medical issues such as allergies or any other special concerns.

Ask them to answer questions such as “How can I help you learn best?” Other good questions are “Tell me about a time when learning was fun and easy for you,” and “Tell me a time when learning was a struggle for you.”

Be sure to check students’ IEPs and understand the type of accommodations you will need to provide. Ask for clarification if something is not clear. The IEP always starts with information about the student and their level of performance, both academically and socially. What are their strengths?  The IEP is a great source of information, especially for non verbal learners.

The more you know about students as learners, the better you can help them learn.

Think about how this applies with your relationships to others. Do you understand people’s favorite foods, hobbies or interests? Do you see and recognize their individual strengths? Make a habit of recognizing what makes them unique or special and pointing it out to them.

We love the tool of the Enneagram because it helps us to understand people – what their gifts are, how they are motivated, and how they like to be seen or noticed. We have a five episode series on the Enneagram, which is linked below.

Michele: I try to make it a practice to point out someone’s special gifts. For example, I have a friend who is a financial genius. I might ask her a question about something related to finances. I also remind her that she is gifted in this area and I trust her judgement about finances more than anyone else I know. Does she know this?  Of course, but she also struggles with confidence. It feels good not to be taken for granted. Who doesn’t like to hear that their special skills are valued? She knows that I see her special gifts. Another friend makes beautiful handmade cards for every occasion and when I thank her, I also add that she makes beautiful cards or point out something special in her design. It makes me feel good to notice her and I’m sure it makes her feel good as well.

Paula: I find this is where the deeper connection happens. We are drawn to people who have a like experience to ours so once we find a connecting experience, preference, or dislike, we have an established base for a relationship. For example, the other day I was talking with a young couple that I don’t know too well. We were left alone together for a short period of time. There could have been moments of silence. Instead, we bonded over the fact that we both had multiples in our family. The young couple, who are just starting their family discussed how multiples run in their family and how their lives will change if their first baby becomes multiple babies. We bonded in just minutes and that is a connection we will share the next time we meet.

This is the rewarding part of building relationships.

 In addition to building better relationships, we should also all be on the lookout for ways to cultivate community.

Spend time building a positive community. 

There is a lot of research out there about the importance of community in our lives.

People who engage in strong communities have been shown to have increased mental and physical health. Being in a community can also increase your sense of belonging. People who engage in strong communities have been shown to have lower blood pressure, reduced risk of obesity, and even reduced cholesterol levels. Creating and joining in communities can make you live longer, healthier, and happier lives.

Most teachers understand how this works in a classroom. Students who know, like, and understand each other will work better together. Time spent building a positive classroom community is always time well spent.

At the beginning of the year, many teachers did community building activities in their inservices. You may not have appreciated this, many teachers groan about community builders, but the teachers who were new to your district or those who are shy and find it difficult to approach other teachers likely found it beneficial and are grateful for a chance to build community with their colleagues. As a bonus, you probably laughed together and got to know some people better.

Use community building activities during the first weeks of school that help students to get to know each other. There many available activities, use your favorites or search for more on line. Build in time for the students to get to know and like each other. Make sure to join in so they can get to know and like you too!

Here’s a little secret for those who think building community is a waste of time. Building community also reduces classroom management issues. Those community building activities can actually increase the amount of instructional time you have!

You can also build positive communities in your personal life. You may already do these things, but you can also be intentional about it. Maybe you are the one who brings a group of friends together for something fun. Or maybe you are the one that always introduces a friend to someone else you think she would like to know.

Michele: My family is important to me and I am very intentional about being the family host. I  joke that I bought a different house because I didn’t have room for my family. Secretly? It isn’t a joke. I did it. Now I host baby showers and wedding showers and graduations and Christmas. Building that positive community of support is important to me and I make time for it.

Paula: I have several different communities I belong to in my personal and work lives and I get something different from each of them- book club, mastermind, high school friend group, parent friend group, teaching partner groups, etc. They all bring me joy and intellectual stimulation in very different but equally important ways. Last week I kayaked with a friend group, which I would never do with other groups but it was exactly what I needed at that time.

If you don’t have different community groups, it is not too late. Find community activities with interest you have and join them. Or, you can build your own groups around your interests and invite others to join you.

Whether the need to build better relationships or cultivate stronger community, or both, spoke to you today, we encourage you to be intentional to have both in your life. Life is easier and longer if we don’t go it alone.

Erik Erikson, who you may remember from your college Ed. Psych class, said this, which sums up the power of relationships well, “Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all.”

Recap:

As world gets more and more divisive, it becomes more important to build better relationships and stronger communities in our lives. Strong relationships and well-cultivated communities are not only a major factor in happiness research, they are shown to actually increase the length of our lives! It pays to be intentional in how we know and interact with other people in our lives. It not only helps us to be our best, it allows us to help others to be their best.

 Quote:

“Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all.”

Erik Erikson

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

The Enneagram for Educators

The Enneagram Types 8,9, and 1

The Enneagram Types 2, 3 and 4

The Enneagram Types 5, 6 and 7

The Enneagram Harmony Triads

 

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Inspired Together Teachers Network  Facebook Group

Linked In:  Inspired Together Learning

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

This post may use affiliate links. If you purchase an item through our link, we will receive a small portion of the profit with no extra cost to you. This helps us to pay for the costs of bringing this free podcast to our community.

 

From Conflict to Collaboration: The A+B+C+D Formula for Positive Discussions

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From Conflict to Collaboration: The A+B+C+D Formula for Positive Discussions

Season 6 Episode 80

teachers discussing, From Conflict to Collaboration: The A+B+C+D Formula for Positive Discussions

Check out this episode to learn four steps you can take to make sure you have positive discussions around topics that might be full of conflict!

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

Have you ever engaged in an argument with someone about an educational issue? As teachers, we are constantly involved in discussions about education with our coworkers. It is the nature of what we do. But have you ever wondered how to stop arguing and engage in positive discussions?

While many of  discussions in meetings are civil and productive, there are just as many that are unpleasant and unsettling.

Today, we explore ways to keep education conversations passionately positive instead of overwhelmingly negative.  We’ll share an easy mnemonic you can use to make sure to avoid upsetting educational conversations and to add more of the positive conversations about teaching and education to your life. We all need more passion and positive discussions in our lives.

Introduction:

Education today is full of controversies. Our whole world is. Education, in particular, can draw a lot of controversy. From large controversial system issues, like how to teach reading or school vouchers, to smaller arguments over everything from handwriting to cafeteria caloric counts, there is always the chance that you will end up in a conversation about education that goes south fast.

While most of these discussions are civil and productive, some are just downright unpleasant and unsettling. You know the kind- you want to duck away, run away or look around for an invisibility cloak just to get out of the conversation. This is especially true when the person you are talking with appears to be settled into their convictions and aren’t even listening to what you are saying.

Examples of Negative and Positive Discussions

Paula:  I would bet many of our listeners are nodding their heads right now. Just like the rest of you, I’ve have had my share of educational conversations over my years of teaching. The worst are those when someone derails the conversation from the beginning to steer it in a way that they want it to go so their side of the issue is the one that is at the center of the conversation.

Michele: As a reading teacher and reading specialist, I have had so many difficult conversations about reading. Often times, reading issues are not understood, somebody hasn’t read the research, they don’t understand what reading is all about. It is not about one skill, there are many reading skills that are combined when we teach reading well. Today  it seems that we are focusing on phonics and phonics only. Let me be clear, I am in favor of teaching phonics, but it is NOT the only thing we should be teaching.

Paula: You have all probably witnessed firsthand how this negativity can happen between teachers. You know how that goes. One person starts complaining, the next agrees and the whole conversation becomes a list of grievances. By the end of the conversation, it can almost feel like the person who has the most misery tallies wins. I leave those discussions often angry or exhausted.

Michele: I get it that sometimes people just need to vent. Usually with our teacher friends or our teacher community, it is a safe place to vent. But when it becomes an ongoing negative discussion, it is no longer productive.

As part of our work, we often get to be part of discussions with educators who are passionate teachers and strong advocates. Not too long ago, we met with a few teachers to discuss an educational issue that was a hot topic, and that we all had strong feelings about.

One of two things could have happened. The conversation could have become passionately positive or overwhelmingly negative. We chose to be positive and all participants left the discussion feeling better than when we entered. It wasn’t pure luck that the conversation went that way. It was intentional.

So, we explored why that meeting, and others like it, went so well. That is where we came up with the formula we will teach you today.

We followed an algorithm-of-sorts for keeping discussions passionate and positive:

A + B + C + D= Passionately Positive Discussions

A= Always talk to the right people. If you want to be energized, pull people into the discussion who are both passionate and positive. The more positive voices in the conversation, the less likely negative voices are to speak up. You have heard us talk about negativity bias before but it is real and a conversation killer. If you look for the negative, you will be sure to find it. If you have enough positivity  in the group, even those with less enthusiasm will feel the influence of the others and be inspired.

Paula:  I happen to be a part of a team right now where everyone is passionately positive. Other times in my career I have been on teams that were not so positive. One person or two will bring the whole team down. In all ways possible, in all of your life, try to surround yourself with passionately positive people.

Michele: I just want to add that it doesn’t mean that we don’t want to hear differing opinions, or that we don’t care about people’s experiences, or that we don’t want to hear about the negative things so that we can fix them. It just means that those things we are listening to don’t deride everything else. It doesn’t turn into “poor, poor, pitiful me”  or,  “look at the terrible situation we are in and we can’t get out of it” kind of situation. You have to be able to hear the dissenting voice but keep the discussion around it positive.

Paula: Also, don’t surround yourself with just everyone who agrees with you. People can be positive and not agree with you.

B= Be clear about expectations. Establish ground rules for your discussion. It’s fine to start out the discussion by saying, “Let’s keep this positive. We’re all passionate about this topic AND we need to remember that we will get nothing accomplished if we turn this into a complaint session.”  Being proactive and stating optimistic expectations upfront will be worth it. It is much more difficult to try and turn around a conversation once it has become hostile or depressing.

Paula: It’s like if you are in your class and one kid starts tapping his pencil very loudly. If you haven’t set the expectation that they shouldn’t disrupt others by doing things like tapping their pencil, to point it out then you are publicly singling out that student. The same is true in a conversation with your colleagues.  If someone starts complaining and you haven’t set an expectation such as “let’s keep this positive”, and then you call them out publicly, things are going to to go down hill.

Michele: As you talk about that, I am thinking about how rare it is for leaders to start a meeting with setting expectations and setting some ground rules. When I think about some of the greatest leaders I have worked with, I realize that is exactly what they did. They set the task and how to go about it and they reminded people of some things like being civil. That’s a good way to focus.

Paula: You wouldn’t think you would have to do that, but it is really important because we are all so passionate about what we are doing. We are educators, this is our identity. If someone attacks our ideas or beliefs, it is really easy to react and not stop and think and then respond. But, if the expectation is don’t react, think, take a breath and then respond, that could change the whole conversation.

C= Concentrate on solutions. Recognize the problems and what led to them are there and they are real, but focus your passion and energy on the solutions. Too much dwelling on the problems can drain the group’s energy. Solutions, brainstormed by passionate advocates, are usually full of momentum, excitement, and promise. We love find and talking about good solutions.

Paula: I was teaching a pre-service teacher once who would go out and teach and come back after her lesson and she would say, ” Oh my gosh, Im freaking out, I’m freaking out…”

We taught her to shift her mindset to “don’t freak, solution seek”.  She was able to come back into the classroom and say “ok, I’m solutions seeking.”  It changed how her peers reacted to her. They didn’t know how to help her when she was “freaking out” but they could help with solutions. It became our class motto: “don’t freak, solution seek”.

Think of committees you might have served on at work or in your personal life, the ones that become complaint sessions. They are not likely to have time for seeking solutions. However, those that concentrate on solutions feel like a good use of your precious time. You don’t have a lot of time to sit around and complain. You need and want solutions.

Usually in the meetings where there is complaining, little gets done. When there is brainstorming filling those moments instead, a lot gets done.

We love this quote from motivational speaker Ralph Marston, which puts things into perspective.  “Every moment spent in negativity is paid for with something truly priceless. That something is life.”

D= Don’t forget the food. If you want a positive discussion, bring food. There is a feeling of comradery when we share food around a table. Plus, it seems we are all a little more at ease with a chocolate or an appetizer or some snack in our hand.

Having a bagel or some treat at a breakfast meeting can set a positive tone. For example, we put candy on the tables at our workshops. People are always really happy because they don’t expect it and it is a special little treat. They always tell us how much they liked it.

All of these elements combined amount to an educational discussion that is passionate and positive.

This works best if you do all of these pieces. Since it is an equation, imagine that one of them is a 0. That one 0 drains from what could be a great sum.

We know it is a lot to remember all of the suggestions we gave here today. We suggest that you pause and quickly jot down the A, B, C and D so you don’t forget them. If you already forgot, no worries. We review them in the recap at the end of the episode so stick around for another minute.

Conclusion:

We end with this quote from Mahatma Gandhi “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”

We would argue that this same rule applies to conversations about education. Don’t let anyone walk through your education conversations with their dirty feet or sticky hands.

Choose passion and positivity and you can’t go wrong.

What additional components would you add to our algorithm to make educational discussions more passionately and positive? Please share with us, we love when people share ideas and follow up so please share with us. Are there specific educational topics that you avoid because they get negative or certain topics that you really turn into uplifting conversation? Tell us what they are so we can share! We also use your ideas for future podcast episodes.

We wish you many positive conversations in your near future.

Recap:

Following the A + B + C + D mnemonic will keep your discussions passionate and positive! Always talk to the right people. Be clear about expectations. Concentrate on solutions and don’t forget the food! If you do all of these, you won’t leave the space open for negative or unproductive educational discussions.

Quote:

“Every moment spent in negativity is paid for with something truly priceless. That something is life.”

Ralph Marston

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Inspired Together Teachers Blog: Don’t Freak Solution Seek

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Inspired Together Teachers Network  Facebook Group

Linked In:  Inspired Together Learning

 

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Build Better Relationships: Lessons from Our Pets Ep. 73

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How to Build Better Relationships: Lessons from Our Pets S. 5 E. 73

picture of dog and cat, How to Build Better Relationships: Lessons from our pets

Check out this episode if you are a pet lover! We’re sharing tips on how to build better relationships that we’ve learned from some of our best relationships- those with our pets!

 Show Notes: 

Episode summary:

Relationships are complex. We all want to build better relationships but sometimes all of the complicating factors that accompany relationship get in the way.

In this episode, we discuss ways to build better relationships by examining the lessons we can learn from some of the most uncomplicated and genuine relationships we have. What relationships are those? The relationships we have with our pets!

Though this episode is lighthearted and fun, it is also important. Our pets have a lot to teach us about building better relationships. All we have to do is listen and learn from them. We hope you’ll join us today to do just that!

Introduction:

Building healthy and strong relationships is one of the most important things you can do in your life.

We have referenced this in other episodes, but it is worth repeating- having strong relationships in your personal life can increase your happiness, your physical and mental health, and can even increase your lifespan.

Having strong relationships can help you feel less alone and can offer you support and guidance to help you make it through the tough times.

In our professional lives, we know that building relationships with students is vital to their success. Students will learn more from teachers who have taken the time to build a relationship with them. As relationships grow, student motivation increases and behavior problems decrease.

Having strong and healthy relationships with our colleagues is also important for our happiness. If you haven’t listened to episode 62 of this podcast, titled Teachers Supporting Teachers, check it out for proof of why healthy and productive relationships with our colleagues are so needed.

There are hundreds of community building activities and strategies to help you build relationships both in and outside of your classroom. These activities are useful, but sometimes they aren’t enough. Relationships are fraught with complexities so building strong relationships is often easier said than done.

To really find what works in building better relationships, it is useful to go back to the basics- studying the least complex components of relationship building first and then building off of those basics.

It’s sort of like a game of chess. You don’t learn chess by studying the most complex moves first. You start with the basics,  the moves that are simple and obvious. Once these moves are perfected, you are ready to play a more complex game of chess.

So today, we are going to take a lesson from what are arguably the easiest and least complex relationships around- those we have with our furry friends.

Background about our pets:

Michele: I am a cat person.

Paula: and I am a dog person.

Michele: Today I will be talking about the relationship building lessons I learned from my cat “Sassy” quite a bit so I want to tell you a little about her. When my cat Cozy died, her buddy Gatsby moped around the house. They had been best friends, and Gatsby seemed sad and lonely. We decided to get another cat from the Humane Society.

I should have known that my choice was fraught with challenges. I found “Maybelle” isolated in a room away from the other cats. She had been found, skinny and starving, in a heavily trafficked urban neighborhood. She was medically fine, but non-cooperative. She refused to eat until she was given an appetite stimulant.

On the day I found her, she had eaten, and thus, her status was changed to “adoptable.”

I loved the way her eyes watched me when I walked into the room and followed me as I moved around. When we let her out of the cage, she climbed onto a cat tree, but wouldn’t come near. She watched us carefully, more curious than afraid. She let me pet her for a second before moving away.

I am not a first- time cat Momma. I’ve had several rescue cats, including feral kittens. Those big green eyes and curious looks had me from the beginning. I was up for the challenge. She came home with us.

Advised to keep her isolated at first, we put her in the guest room. She ran under the bed and refused to come out. I made sure she had food, water and clean litter. She did not eat. She would not let me touch her.

This went on for days, and then weeks. She could not be tempted by cat treats. I would sit in the room with her, on the floor with a book or my computer, so that she could get used to me. She watched me, always curious, but did not come near.

After two weeks, I feared she would starve to death. I would have taken her back to the Humane Society but I could not get near enough to her to pick her up. She was feisty, and her claws quickly turned into weapons.

“It’s like she’s a stranger,” I remarked to my husband.  “A stranger in a new country.  A Sassenach.”

Sassenach is the Gaelic/Scottish word for foreigner, a word which I’d picked up from the books and TV series Outlander.

We dubbed her Sassenach, but due to her belligerent personality, she quickly became “Sassy” for short.

I started bribing her with cat treats. She would look at them, and appear interested but would not take them. I started leaving them in the room when I left, and eventually, I found them gone in the morning. The cat treats kept her alive.

Eventually we became friends. Now she follows me everywhere, often just happy to be in the room with me.

How did we move from being wary and distant to being friends? In the same way that we can build relationships with complex people in our lives.

Paula: Before we get into these lessons, I will tell you a bit about my dog “Bear.” My son named her Bear because she looks a bit like a mix between a brown bear and a teddy bear. She is a big girl! When we adopted her from the Humane Society she was 47 pounds and we were led to believe she was full grown.  47 lbs was big enough to qualify her as a little bear. Unfortunately, she was not fully grown and now I have a 93 pound dog who really does look like a small brown bear.

When we got Bear she was the opposite of Sassy. Bear was very social but was very unaware of any social boundaries. She assumed that everyone wanted to be licked or jumped on by her. Convincing her that she was not a lap dog was difficult. Bear had spent her first six months on a screened in porch with one other dog, not ever walking on concrete until we got her and not interacting a lot with people. People clearly have different boundaries than another dog, but she didn’t know that.

So what important, basic lessons about building better relationships can we learn from our pets?

As we mentioned, both of our pets came to us with tough pasts. But pets don’t bring all of the complexities that people do. Let’s explore the basics that we can learn from our pets that will help us all when building better relationships in people our work and home lives.

Build better relationships by noticing them.

Don’t we all want to be seen? To know that someone has noticed us? People may not make it as obvious as animals, but we all want to be seen.

Michele:  From the beginning, Sassy watched me. I watched her back. When she was in hiding, I would peak at her under the bed but not try to grab her or bring her out. Even now I will catch her looking at me to see if I am looking at her. She wants me to notice her. She will raise her head so I can pet her.

Paula: Bear is so completely obvious that she wants to be seen that it is almost impossible to ignore her. She has no pretenses so she will drop her ball right in your lap, no matter how busy you are, to let you know that she wants to be seen. As annoying at that can be sometimes, it would be easier if people were as forthright about when and how they need to be noticed so we don’t need to try and guess. The best way to make sure people feel noticed is to notice them before they need to get your attention in a less than ideal way.

Do you notice your students? Do you really notice your family members or are you distracted by life and forget to sit and really look at or listen to them? How do you let them know you see them? Maybe it is with a smile or a nod. Perhaps you remark about someone’s new shirt or ask about their family. When you notice, you acknowledge that you care. You are building trust.

Build better relationships by calling them by name.

Most people also like to be called by name. In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie said, “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

Michele: When Sassy was at her most frightened, I quietly called her by name. She learned her name quickly. Now she comes when I call her.

Paula: I think of the number of times I say Bear’s name in a day. It is actually rather shocking. I call her by name in the morning, when I play with her, when I get home, etc. I don’t think I ever call people by their names that much. What a startling realization.

It adds only a second to call people by name. They will notice and appreciate it.

Paula gives an example of a worker at Panera who calls everyone by their name. In return, Paula made an effort to learn this person’s name and call her by name so she knows she is valued. It takes time and effort to remember names and acknowledge people by name, but it is worth the effort.

Build better relationship by being patient.

Relationships aren’t always built overnight. It takes time to figure people out, to establish boundaries, and to determine what everyone needs to make the relationship the best it can be.

It took months  for Michele to build enough trust with Sassy that she could be petted. Now Sassy falls asleep on her lap.

Although Bear was overly loving, she did not know her boundaries. She took a string from the carpet and pulled it as a toy. She chewed up a few shoes. It would have been easy to give up on her but since they were in it for the long haul, and because they knew she was still learning and growing, they just had to wait out the remaining puppy stage.

You will want to build relationships with new people in your life quickly. Some people, especially students and some colleagues, will need time. Don’t give up on them. Be patient. You will all figure each other out eventually if you keep trying.

Build better relationship by being consistent.

In relationships, it is important that people know what to expect from each other. In order to build better relationships, we can’t be all over the place. You don’t have to be someone you aren’t, but you should be the you that is consistent so that people know what to expect when you show up.

Michele: I spend a few minutes with Sassy every morning and every evening. I feed her at the same time. I buy the same food, the same cat treats and the same litter. I keep her favorite blanket on the chair. Security is important to her. I can’t change whatever happened to her when she was living on the streets, but I can give her creature comforts with consistency.

Paula: We actually took Bear to what we lovingly refer to as Naughty Dog Bootcamp. We learned commands that everyone in the house could say so she knew what to expect from all of us. It wasn’t until we did that, that I realized how we were all using different words and commands to direct her. How confusing that must have been for her!

You all know the students who like to know exactly what is going to happen. They thrive on structure. Despite whatever challenges they must deal with in their lives, you can be consistent in your approach with them.

We also have those adults in our lives who are hard to read. You never know if they will show up in a good mood or bad mood, will be agreeable or  will be looking to start an argument. It is a lot of work to build relationships with these people. In order to build better relationships,  you can be the consistent person, even if the others are not.

Build better relationships by celebrating small, quick wins.

Especially in relationships that are difficult, it is important to recognize and celebrate the small quick wins.

Michele: I couldn’t hold Sassy for months, but I celebrated close approximations. If she came out from under the bed while I was in the room, I left a cat treat. If she took a step toward me, I rewarded her with another little treat. My approach was classic positive reinforcement, but it worked.

Paula: After the aforementioned Naughty Dog Bootcamp, I learned the importance of pointing out to Bear all the good things she was doing. For example, when she didn’t jump on the Amazon guy and try to lick his face, that got an immediate “good girl.” When she walked away from a shoe even though she gave it a second longing glance, I petted her and let her know that I noticed and was proud.

We can celebrate small quick wins in our relationships almost daily if we look for them. With our students, we can celebrate when yesterday’s 61 becomes today’s 65. It may not be where you want it to be, but there is progress. With our negative colleague, it can be thanking them for a positive contribution they made to the team. Difficult family member? Look for and point out the things they do to help others in the family.

Build better relationships by changing their day.

We can’t control what has happened to people in the past. We can’t even control what will happen to them in the future. But we can make their day pleasant. At the end of the day, when we are building better relationships with people, what they really need is to know they are safe and cared for when interacting with us.

Michele: I often wonder what had happened to Sassy on the streets, and know she must have been frightened. I try to make her day pleasant. I leave cat toys laying around. The first thing in the morning I open the shades because she loves to look out. On nice days, I open a window. I’ll talk to her as she follows me around. She doesn’t need much but to know that she is safe, have her basic needs met, and something interesting to do.

Paula: I know Bear trusts us because she lays on her back with her belly exposed for us to pet her. It feels good knowing that, we are providing her a place where she can feel safe enough to relax and be vulnerable.

You also have the power to change the trajectory of someone’s life, or at least their day. Look for opportunities to do so and then take them.

Conclusion:

It makes sense to end with this quote by former first lady of the United States, Rosalynn Carter, who said  “Do what you can to show you care about other people, and you will make our world a better place.”

You will make the world, and your own life, a brighter place by building better relationships.

A special shout out to Sassy and Bear for the inspiration for this episode.

Are there additional lessons about relationship building you have learned from your pets? If so, be sure to give them an extra hug or snuggle tonight to thank them for being such patient teachers.

Recap:

In this episode, we explored important lessons we have learned from our pets on how to build better relationships. Want to build better relationships in your work and home life? Notice your people, address them by name, be patient and consistent, and celebrate those small wins. By doing all of this you will not only strengthen your relationships but you might just change their day and yours too.

Quote: 

  “Do what you can to show you care about other people, and you will make our world a better place.”

Rosalynn Carter

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

Inspired Together Teachers Episode 62 Teachers Supporting Teachers,

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Facebook Teacher Warriors Group: Teacher Warriors Facebook Group

Linked In:  Inspired Together Teachers

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

Inspirational Teachers In Children’s Books Ep. 72

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Inspirational Teachers In Children’s Books  S. 5 E. 72

Book teachers mrs. Frizzel and Mr. Faulker, Inspirational Teachers in Children's Books

Check out this episode to hear about some beloved and inspirational teachers in children’s books and learn what they have to teach us as teachers. insert podcast link to player here

Show notes: 

Episode Summary:

Could you use a little inspiration from some fabulous fictional teachers to renew your passion for teaching? Maybe you would love a guide to help you work with children with differing abilities, or another teacher to help you devise a plan to improve your classroom. Perhaps you could use a good teacher role model for how to handle difficult situations.

In this episode we’re talking about our favorite teachers in children’s books. In a world where teachers are often maligned and underappreciated, these teachers are fun, clever, imaginative, effective, and yes, even a little magical.

Who are these amazing teachers?  We think you will recognize some old friends and make some new acquaintances.

Listen in for some great tips from beloved teachers in children’s books.

In this episode:

In Episode 68 we shared important life lessons we can learn from characters in children’s books.

Today, we are back with some lessons we can all learn from fantastic teachers in children’s books. If you are listening to this live, it is summer and you might find yourself with time to read a few children’s or YA books. The following amazing teachers have traits that make them good role models for teachers.

Mr. Slinger  in Lily’s Purple Plastic Purse  by Kevin Henkes

Mr. Slinger is cool. He is sharp as a tack and wears artistic shirts. His classroom includes a writing center called “The Lightbulb Lab… Where Great Ideas are Born.”

One day Lily comes to school excited about her new purple plastic purse that holds jangling coins and plays jaunty tunes. When she can’t stop sharing, Mr. Slinger takes her purse and puts it away until the end of the day. Lily writes Mr. Slinger a terrible letter. He handles it with grace and understanding. We love Mr. Slinger, who manages to be both firm and kind, and is not above joining in with a little dancing.

See also, music teacher Mrs. Twinkle in Chrysanthemum by Kevin Henkes.

Mr. Falker in Thank You Mr. Falker by Patricia Polacco

Trisha is a fifth grader who struggles to read and suffers from taunting by the other children. Feeling stupid, she hides at recess, until the new teacher, Mr. Falker discovers her. Mr. Falker takes her under his tutelage and helps her to understand that she isn’t dumb. He recognizes her artistic talent and helps her to understand her value. With the help of many after school tutoring sessions, Mr. Falker teaches her to read and ultimately changes her life.

We love Mr. Falker because he does not give up on kids.

The last page?  We dare you not to cry.

Mrs. Peterson in The Junkyard Wonders by Patricia Polacco

As if writing about one brilliant teacher wasn’t enough, Polacco gives us another amazing teacher in Mrs. Peterson. Mrs. Peterson is the teacher in a special education classroom known as “The Junkyard.”  She recognizes the special gifts of her students and brings out the genius in them. She understands that a junkyard is a place with wondrous possibilities, and makes the students understand that they are full of potential.

Mrs. Peterson turns a class into a community of learners. They support each and work together in project based learning. Most importantly, she helps them to believe in themselves.

Miss Nelson in Miss Nelson is Missing by Harry Allard

Miss Nelson is sweet and kind, but her class begins to take advantage of her good nature. One day she is absent, and there is a substitute- the mean and terrifying Miss Viola Swamp!

As the children experience the unforgiving Miss Swamp, they learn to appreciate Miss Nelson. But where is she?  We’re not telling…but it involves a diabolical scheme!

We love the way Miss Nelson solves a challenge with a bit of creativity!  There is a lesson in that for all of us!

Miss Frizzle in the Magic School Bus books by Joanna Cole and Bruce Degan

What’s not to love about Miss Frizzle?  Science and history have never been more fun. What does Miss Frizzle have that makes her special?  She has wild red hair, amazing clothes that relate to her lessons and of course…a magic school bus. The fabulous Frizz leads the students on outlandish field trips…to the solar system or through the inside of the human body. In later years she rocked ancient history, exploring Imperial China, ancient Egypt and a medieval castle.

We might never be as cool as the Frizz… but  she inspires us to try to make learning come alive for our students. She sparks curiosity in her students, and that is a great way to inspire learning!

Miss Agnes in The Year of Miss Agnes by Kirkpatrick Hill. 

When a remote Alaskan village loses its teacher, the community wonders if school will be closed. In walks Miss Agnes, a skinny woman who wears pants and has “a little mileage on her.”

In this historical fiction book, Miss Agnes is a woman ahead of her time. She carts away the old, decrepit textbooks. She brings out art supplies and music. She connects with the children and their families, valuing their culture and knowledge. She invites in a child who has been left out of school because she has a physical disabilities.  She also teaches some of the elders of the community. She individualizes lessons, teaching students skills when the students are ready. She believes in the power of learning.

In the classroom of Miss Agnes, learning is meaningful, reading comes alive and people understand how knowledge can transform you.

Mrs. Granger in Frindle by Andrew Clements

Mrs. Granger is the teacher we all love to hate. She is strict. She is old-fashioned. She is unrelenting. Mrs. Granger has x-ray vision. And she loves the dictionary.

Nick is smart and rambunctious. He likes to liven things up and cause a little disturbance.

Don’t we all know some children like Nick?  They are full of energy and mischief and you can’t help but both love them and get frustrated by their antics.

When Nick discovers that we all have a role in changing language, he decides to test the idea by inventing the word “frindle”, which is a synonym for pen.

A battle between Nick and Mrs. Granger ensues. Who has the power to determine what words mean?

The final lesson is worth waiting for and you see the magic of a teacher’s influence!

Miss Edmunds in Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

Miss Edmunds is different from everyone else at school. Some call her a hippie. Miss Edmunds is a free spirit who sings folk songs and plays guitar. She is the kind of music teacher who lets children try different instruments and sing with abandon.

Jess loves Miss Edmunds. She encourages his drawing talent and takes him to an art museum. More importantly, Jess feels safe with her. She understands him. She won’t crush his dreams or stifle his imagination. She is a kindred spirit for a soul who desperately needs one.

We all need a Miss Edmunds in or lives, someone who believes in us and sees our potential. Some teachers have the power to save students by building relationships, and watching Miss Edmunds is a master class in building relationships with students.

Miss Stretchberry in Love That Dog by Sharon Creech

We never officially meet her

Miss Strechberry

We see her through the poetry of Jack

reluctant writer

Jack writes poems

Miss Stretchberry guides him

with a gentle hand

and no pressure

and Jack’s poems

shine.

         see also Hate That Cat by Sharon Creech.

Madame Poitier from Sahara Special by Esmé Raji Codell

The new teacher, Madame Poitier, also known as Miss Pointy, is a breath of fresh air. She wears sparkly dragonfly barrettes, brings flowers and a red lamp to school, and teaches classes with names like “Time Travelers” and “Mad Scientists.” She teaches children to leave their troubles at the door and all of her rules begin with “yes.”  She focused on social and emotional learning before it was a thing.

We think that Miss Pointy is a thinly veiled description of the author herself, known for the book she wrote about her first year of teaching Educating Esmé.  That is a good thing, because Esmé is also one of our superheroes. We’ve had the chance to meet her in person and she is everything a good teacher should be!

Who are your favorite teachers in children’s books?  We would love to hear about them in the comments below.

And if you’d like a reading list of 25 Great Books About Teachers That Every Teacher Should Read, fill out the form below:

Recap:

The world of children’s and young adult books is filled with good teacher role models. Thanks for joining us today to learn from Frizzle, Falker, and other fabulous teachers in children’s books.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

All books we referred to in this episode are linked in the headlines above.

This post uses affiliate links. If you purchase an item through our link, we will receive a small portion of the profit with no extra cost to you. This helps us to pay for the costs of bringing this free podcast to our community.

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

Inspired Together Teachers Podcast episode 68 Important Life Lessons from Beloved Children’s Books

Inspired Together Teachers Podcast episode 69 Our Best Summer Reading Suggestions

 

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Facebook Teacher Warriors Group: Inspired Together Teachers  Facebook Group

Linked In:  Inspired Together Teachers

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

 

 

 

 

 

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