Since the pandemic, we have heard many teachers discuss the need to help students develop social and emotional skills. Today’s focus is on young children and ways to help children express their feelings in appropriate ways.
From time to time we share guest posts from insightful, thoughtful educators. We like to share with you the best of the best teaching information we can find.
Today’s post is written by Yanique Chambers, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who writes about helping children with social and emotional development. Her blog covers topics such as helping children set goals, make good decisions, and develop empathy. You will find information about helping children make friends, dealing with bullies, life skills checklists for children and teens and much more. See her bio and the link to here blog at the end of this article.
9 Ways to Help Children Express Feelings by Yanique Chambers
I often tell my children to use their words when they are upset. I assume they know what they are feeling and can verbalize it to me. Wrong! It’s difficult for children to say what they are feeling because many times they don’t know what to name the feeling they are experiencing. Instead, they show us how they are feeling by throwing temper tantrums and having meltdowns. We first need to teach children the words to express their feelings before we require them to “use their words.”
Young children can be taught basic emotions such as happy, mad, sad, and scared as early as two years old. As they get older, you can explain emotions such as feeling frustrated, nervous, shy, etc. to them.
Here are some ways you can help your child learn the language they need to express their feelings:
1. Sing songs to help young children learn how to express their feelings.
I came across this version of a preschool classic, If you are happy and you know it at Sunflowersstorytime.com. It goes:
If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.
If you’re surprised and you know it say “Oh my!”
If you’re sad and you know it rub your eyes “Boo hoo”
If you’re scared and you know it shiver and shake.
If you’re sleepy and you know it close your eyes.
If you’re angry and you know it stomp your feet.
And always make sure end up with “happy” again.
They suggest having pictures of each emotion to show the kids as they sing the song.
2. Use games and activities to teach children about feelings. 
Children like learning through playing and having fun. A fun game to help kids learn about feelings is Feelings Charades.
For this game you will need to make a feelings cube. Paste pictures of feeling faces on a tissue box. Have kids roll the box and whatever feeling face it lands on they have to act out.
You can find free feeling picture cards here.
You can also use the cards to play Memory. Simply print out two sets of Feeling Cards, shuffle them and then have your child find the matching Feelings Card.
3. Watch kid-friendly videos about feelings.
Kids respond well to visual stimulation. Here are two videos I like to show kids to help them learn about feelings:
4. Get into the habit of labeling the feelings children experiencing.
For example, if a child runs up to you and hugs you, you can say something like “someone is excited to see me” or “someone is happy I’m here.” Labeling children’s feelings as they happen helps them to build their feelings vocabulary.
5. When you read to children, discuss how the characters in the story are feeling.
Point out any clues that lets you know what they are feeling such as facial expressions or behaviors. Then explain to your child why the characters feel the way they do.
If your child is able to, let them take a turn identifying how the characters are feeling and why.
I like to read The Way I Feel to young children because it uses beautiful images to describe a range of feelings.
6. When a child does something that upsets someone else, let them know how their behavior might make others feel.
For example, “When you called your friend names, she felt sad and her feelings were hurt.” This will help children be mindful of what they say and do to others. You can follow up by asking how they would feel if someone did the same thing to them. Encouraging a child to put themselves in someone else’s shoe teaches them how to be empathetic. Empathy is an important life skill that will allow your child to maintain positive relationships with other people.
7. Model appropriate ways to express feelings.
Children are always watching us, and like sponges, they soak up everything including the good and bad. If a child sees you expressing your feelings in a positive way, over time they learn to do the same. However, if they see you yelling when you get upset, they are more likely to mimic this behavior.
8. Teach children appropriate ways to express their emotions.
It’s important that children learn that it is OK to have their feelings. What matters is how they express them. When your child is calm, discuss with them ways they can calm down when they are upset. The ABC’s of Calming Down is a great resource that contains 26 alphabetized calm down strategies to help children calm down.
9. Praise children when they use words to express their feelings.
Having the self-control to express your feelings appropriately is no easy feat. There are many adults who are unable to do this. When a child tells you how they are feeling instead of having a complete melt down, praise them for doing so. Be very specific. For example, “I like how you told your friend that you were sad when she called you names. That was very mature of you.” Praising children for practicing good behavior makes them more likely to do it again in the future. It also lets them know that you are watching them and notice when they do good things.
It is important that children learn how to identify and express their feelings in an appropriate manner. Kids who are able to express their feelings are less likely to have meltdowns and temper tantrums. They also have an easier time making friends and getting along with others.
For additional resources on teaching children about feelings, check out these Feelings Task Cards.
Yanique Chambers is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker turned stay-at-home mom. You can find her on her blog kiddiematters.com where she discusses creative ways to teach children valuable social and life skills. You can also find her on twitter.com/kiddiematters
[…] P.S. If you teach young children, read our discussion on how to help young students name emotions here. […]