How to Really Know and Understand a Child

What does it mean to know and understand a child well?  As educators, we want to think that we really know the children in our care. When we really know and understand the characteristics and traits that make up a personality we can more easily guide them and teach them. Children, like all people, are multilayered.

When you consider how well you know someone, consider the following:

Interests

What does a child like to do?  What are their hobbies?  Given free reign, how would they choose to spend their time? Knowing a child’s interests helps us to connect to them. A child’s interests are often keys to other skills and talents and preferences.

Skills and Talents

We all have skills and talents.  Perhaps a child is good at drawing or soccer.  Perhaps they are especially empathetic, kind or thoughtful.  Maybe they express themselves well or show leadership. Understanding a child’s skills and talents means we can offer opportunities to build on those skills and help develop them.

 Introversion versus Extroversion

Does the child gain energy from being in a group or seem to need to spend quiet time alone?  Do they make quick and decisive decisions or prefer time to think and process? Are they easily bored and restless or able to entertain themselves for hours?  Once you understand a child’s natural preferences, it is easier to help the child find the situations that give him or her the time and space they need to function well.

Learning Preferences

How does the child learn best?  We all have different combinations of learning preferences, but often, particular preferences rise to the top.  Does the child prefer to learn by touching and doing things?  Are they particularly engaged when watching something or reading?  Are they acute listeners, learning through songs or discussions?  Do they learn best alone or in a group?  Knowing how a child learns helps us to put learning in a context that is most helpful.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence refers to a person’s ability to understand and control their own emotions.  More than intellect or academic training, emotional intelligence has been connected to career and life success. How does the child control frustration, anxiety or anger?  Does the child show self-confidence, adaptability or innovation?  Are they generally optimistic?  Do they feel empathy and have appropriate communication skills? These are all skills that can be taught, and doing so often improves personal success.

Motivation

Motivation is not a one-size-fits-all proposition.  Some people are motivated by others.  Some people are motivated by following rules and procedures.  Competition is motivating to some, while others  dislike competition. Some people are motivated by prizes or rewards, others are motivated by autonomy, creating and following their personal rules. Some people are motivated by authority, others rebel and become less motivated. Understanding how a child is motivated helps us to understand how to best work with a child.

Multiple Intelligences

Harvard psychologist Howard Gardner has determined that rather than one type of intelligence which connects to intellect and academic success, we all possess different combinations of varying types of intelligence.  In Gardner’s theory, we each have some combination of the following intelligences:

Linguistic intelligence (the ability to think and use language well)

Logical-mathematical intelligence (the ability to calculate, quantify and carry out complex logical and mathematical propositions)

Spatial intelligence (the ability to think in three dimensional ways, navigate through space, and produce and decode visual or graphic information)

Bodily-kinesthetic intelligence (the ability to use our bodies and manipulate objects with precision)

Musical intelligence (the ability to understand and respond to melody, pitch, tone and rhythm)

Interpersonal intelligence (the ability to know, understand and work well with others)

Intrapersonal intelligence (the ability to know, plan and direct one’s own life)

Naturalistic intelligence (the ability to observe patterns in nature and identify and classify objects and systems)

Existential intelligence (the ability to understand and tackle deep questions about human existence and the meaning of life)

Working with our natural intelligences does not mean that we can’t work in other ways, but understanding our predilections will often helps us to find activities and careers that we are both good at and that we enjoy.

Knowing and understanding children well is the key to working successfully with them.

It pays to look at a child through various lenses, to understand who they really are, and to use that insight to forge successful relationships. Our goal should not be to make everyone the same, but to encourage children to be more of who they are and to learn to use their personal traits in positive ways in order to become their best selves.

How do you go about understanding a knowing a child well?  We would love to hear your insight.