Season 7 Episode 108

Check out this episode to understand the patterns of Enneagram Type 3 and how to best to work with, love or teach them. 

Show Notes: 

Episode Summary:

Looking for motivation? Want to learn from someone successful and driven? Want to be more efficient and organized? The Enneagram Type 3s in our lives are perfect examples of productivity and we can learn a lot from them.

The Enneagram is a tool for understanding patterns of behavior in ourselves and others. In the 9 types of people identified in the Enneagram, the Type 3s are the successful, productive and motivational people in our lives. They can also be some of the most competitive people we know.

Today, as certified Enneagram trainers, we are sharing ways we have learned that can help us all best love, live with, work with and teach others who are Enneagram Type 3’s. As a result of learning about this Enneagram type you will see improvements in your communications and relationships with the Type Threes in your life.

In this episode:

The following notes are not a complete transcript of the episode. On the podcast, we often discuss examples and share stories to illustrate specific points.  For the best experience, please listen to the podcast.

Introduction:

Why do we love the tool of the Enneagram? Oh, let us count the ways.  (lol)

We won’t take time in this episode to tell you all the reasons we love the Enneagram as we have done that in other episodes, but we will tell you that the Enneagram as a free and insightful tool provides us with a lens that helps us to understand the patterns of behaviors in ourselves and others.  The Enneagram helps us to see what motivates ourselves and others and we can also learn ways to best work with and live with the people in our lives who are not the same Enneagram type that we personally are. Using the Enneagram, people are categorized into 1 of 9 types based on their motivations and behaviors. Today we are specifically talking about Enneagram Type 3s – how to live with them, befriend them, stay friends with them, teach them, love them and best interact with them on a daily basis.

The Enneagram Type 3s in our lives and our classrooms are those achievers, the motivators, the competitors. Making things happen is second nature for them. They make great teammates and friends but their quick work and eye on efficiency can be challenging at times. Today, we will explore this more.

A few words of caution before we dig into learning about Enneagram Type 3s:

Whether or not you know your type, we recommend that you listen to the episodes for each type. You may recognize yourself, but you will also recognize these patterns in others. The Enneagram is used for personal growth and transformation, but its power also is in the better understanding others.  Understanding the patterns of all of the types opens the door to better relationships and better supporting people who know, love, or teach.

We don’t recommend trying to type others, especially children who are still forming their behavior patterns.  We can’t always type others, because we don’t always know the motivation behind what they do, and your motivations are key to your Enneagram patterns. What we CAN do is look at behaviors and things they say and those give us clues as to how to best understand a person and build better relationships with them.

Always remember that we are more than our type. This is just one way of looking at an entire person.

There is a saying that all theories are wrong and yet some are useful.

 Patterns of  Enneagram Type 3:

Think of the people you know- your friends, family, colleagues, and students you teach.

Here are the types of patterns, behaviors, or phrases you may see that are typical of type 3 patterns:

• They are the “go-getters” in your life and classroom. They are goal oriented and probably already have a detailed plan to get to the goal before the others around them have even had time to process the goal.
• They are the “producers” the “networkers” the “do-ers”.
• They are likely the most efficient member of your team. They give the motivational speeches in your family that convince everyone to join together to raise more funds for the charity than any other family in town. They are the kids on the playground organizing the competitive game of dodgeball and then they will make sure they are on the winning team.
• They are the friends driving the flashy sports cars and carrying the designer handbags or wearing the clothes that reflect status. They like to be seen and they like people to know they are successful.
• People fall into 3 centers in the Enneagram- the Head, the Heart and the Gut type. Of those centers, the Type 3 falls into the “heart type” and tend to listen to their hearts more than their head or bodies.
• They will not waste time, will struggle with “wait and see” and can be intolerant of others who are unable or unwilling to move at the fast pace them have set for themselves and the rest of the group.
• The type 3s in our lives have a clear picture of the goal and have a plan to reach it in the most efficient way possible.

 Let’s Consider this example of an Enneagram Type Three who could work in a school:

Let’s say you just got a new principal in your school this year. She is high-energy and high-excitement. She has implemented monthly “staff pep-rallys” for the teachers to boost spirits and has high hopes to not only have the highest reading scores in the district this year, but she also wants to have the highest staff morale of any school in the district.

When she passes students and teachers in the hall, she is often heard saying, “Who’s the best school in town? We are! Make it a great day.” You are torn between feeling highly-motivated and extremely overwhelmed. You get the strong impression that she is determined to be the best school in the district and will not have any tolerance for people who are not on the same page as she is on.

The Enneagram Type 3 at home: 

Maybe the Type 3 in your family is your cousin who organizes the family softball tournament each year. She takes care of all of the scheduling and organizing. When you offered to help set up the teams this year she told you she had already done that the day the RSVPs were due and that while your cousin Ed is a nice guy, she considered asking him not to play this year as he lack of athleticism is bringing the family average score down significantly. If Ed didn’t play, we just might beat the Jones family this year!

The child with Enneagram Type 3 patterns:

You probably are already thinking about what a type three child looks like in the classroom. These are the kids with the perfectly organized desks so they can grab their pencil faster than anyone else to get right to work once it is assigned. They are some of the hardest workers in the class, but their words can hurt when they are put in a group with others who are not as driven as they are. Three’s can struggle with group work.

 Tips and strategies for working effectively with people who exhibit Enneagram Type 3 patterns:

• First, and foremost remember that they, as Threes, are likely not driven by the same things you are. What motivates you, may not motivate them.
• In your interactions, both positive and tough interactions with a Type threes, remember and consider what it is that is motivating them and driving their behaviors. They want to achieve so that they will get recognition, or love. This will help you to better understand their actions. Here are the typical motivators of a Type Three:
  • They want to appear wonderful and accomplished
  • They like to win and will avoid failure
  • Getting the job done and done well is how they find fulfillment
  • Their value comes from doing, not from being
  • Their basic, deep-down fear, is of being worthless.
• Determine their strengths and hidden potential. Find ways to incorporate these more in your relationship.
• Consider how you can address potentially negative patterns in a positive way.
• Type Threes build much of their identity from what they do and achieve. Be sure to notice their accomplishments and tell them that you noticed.
• Threes can become preoccupied about the future and reaching the end goal. When they miss things you say, or may not be listening to your suggestions, it is likely because they have already moved on to thinking about what is next. Work with them to bring them back to the present so you can work forward together.

 Strengths and Challenges and Opportunities for Growth:

Strengths:

• Highly successful
• Productive
• Capable and Accomplished
• Organized and complete tasks they start
• Motivational leaders
• They get things done!
• Competent and capable
• They are generally self-assured and are good networkers
• Hard workers

 Challenges:

• Get irritated by people who slow down the process
• Have little tolerance for people they perceive to be incompetent
• Under pressure they can cut corners or push others to move too fast
• Can become workaholics
• Can become overly-competitive and want to appear as “the best”
• Can become overly-anxious worrying about what others think of them.
• Threes can be shallow, doing things just to be seen and noticed, they get their recognition and love from doing things, and sometimes will do just the things that get noticed

 Opportunities for growth in your relationships with Threes:

• Help remind them to live in the moment- that life isn’t just a list of boxes to check off or tasks to complete, to stop and smell the roses every once in awhile.
• Give them roles where their strengths can be appreciated and their challenges reduced. For example, if you need a classroom organizer, they are your students. Or if you need someone to hype up your teaching team during a rough patch, let them give the pep talks. Let them lead the group of teachers excited about a new initiative but if at all possible, avoid putting them in charge of the group that likes to talk things out awhile before making decisions.
• Consider what you have learned about Type Threes and capitalize on the strengths of the threes in their work and life. Help them to do the same for themselves. Help them to see the times when their competition and drive work in their favor and when it can make them unapproachable or unappreciated by others.

Conclusion:

People who are Enneagram Type 3 are wonderful assets to our lives. They get things done, they motivate us, and we can share in their success when we live and work alongside them. They may view and show up in the world in a very different way than you do but by recognizing their strengths and challenges and understanding strategies to best live with, love, work with and teach them, you can make everyone’s lives easier and achieve more together.

Recap:

Today we explored how to best understand and communicate with Type Threes in your home, your friend group, your school and your classroom. Having this understanding will make the interactions with Threes in your life easier and more pleasant.

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