Season 7 Episode 107

Listen to this episode to better understand and work with Enneagram Type 2. 

Show Notes:  

Episode Summary:

We LOVE the Enneagram as a tool because it helps us to better understand ourselves and others. In previous podcast episodes we have focused on how we can best understand ourselves using the tool of the Enneagram but today we are sharing ways we can best love, live with, work with and teach others who are Enneagram Type 2s.

We guarantee that you have a few Type 2s in your life and in the next 2o minutes or so we are going to share ways you can best love, work with and teach them. You will be glad you listened, and they will be too, because as a result of learning about their Enneagram type your communications will improve and your misunderstandings will dramatically decrease. Let’s get started…

In this episode:

The following notes are not a complete transcript of the episode.  On the podcast, we often discuss examples and share stories to illustrate specific points.  For the best experience, please listen to the podcast.

Introduction:

We are both certified Enneagram trainers and we love to talk about this amazing tools that helps us to best understand ourselves and others. We have long held the belief that all teachers can benefit from this free and useful tool.

We all have our own Enneagram types, one of 9 types identified and explored through the Enneagram. Each Enneagram type has its own patterns of behavior, its own motivations and its own ways of being in the world.

Let’s say you are an Enneagram Type 8. You see the world and respond to your surroundings through the patterns and lenses of a Type 8. However, the odds of you being surrounded by Eights and only Eights is nearly impossible. Likely, you encounter all nine Enneagram types each day, maybe even before lunch. Each Enneagram number thinks and acts differently.

Today we are going to explore how to best understand and communicate with those Type Twos in your home, your friend group, your school and your classroom. Having this understanding will make the interactions with Twos in your live easier and more pleasant.

We have our own in house type 2, Paula is an Enneagram type 2.

 A few words of caution before we dig into learning about Enneagram Type 2:

Whether or not you know your type, we recommend that you listen to the episodes for each type. You may recognize yourself, but you will also recognize these patterns in others. The Enneagram is used for personal growth and transformation, but its power also is in the better understanding others.  Understand the patterns of all of the types opens the door to better relationships and better supporting people who know, love, or teach.

We don’t recommend trying to type others, especially children who are still forming their behavior patterns. We can’t always type others, because we don’t always know the motivation behind what they do, and your motivations are key to your Enneagram patterns. What we CAN do is look at behaviors and things they say and those give us clues as to how to best understand a person and build better relationships with them.

Always remember that we are more than our type. This is just one way of looking at an entire person.

There is a saying that all theories are wrong and yet some are useful.

Patterns of  Enneagram Type 2

Think of the people you know- your friends, family, colleagues, and students you teach.

Here are the types of patterns, behaviors, or phrases you may see that are typical of type 2 patterns:

• Twos fall into the “heart type”.
• Twos are often the “givers” in the room.
• They are empathetic, sometimes to the point that it gets in the way of relationships.
• They often “follow their hearts” or think from a heart-centered approach.
• Twos are compassionate, offer help, fix things, and may offer unsolicited advice
• Twos often feel like their life’s work is to help and support others, even at the expense of their own needs.
• They can be loving and generous, sometimes to a fault.
• They are helpful but may be overly people pleasing or use that helpfulness to manipulate others.
• Twos may be described, or describe themselves, as clingy or martyr-like.
• Twos fear rejection, lack of appreciation and being unloved.

 Let’s Consider this example of an Enneagram Type 2 who could work in a school:

Let’s say you have a wonderful paraprofessional working in your classroom named Mrs. Smith. She LOVES the kids and makes sure they all know how much she appreciates them. The students love Mrs. Smith back. She is always smiling with them and noticing all of the great work they do.

However, sometimes she helps a little too much. When she is working with a student and they get stuck on a problem, if they start to appear stressed, she gives them the answers so they are happy again. You see the negative impacts this can have on student learning.

You know you need to talk with her about this but you are worried that if you say something she is going to take offense since she believes her helping is what the students need. She also always goes above and beyond to make sure every teacher and para on the team is recognized, giving them lots of compliments and little gifts.

However, lately you have noticed that she gives to others to the degree that you are worried she is going to burn out before the year is over. Does Mrs. Smith sound like someone you work with?

You probably are already thinking about what a Type Two child looks like in the classroom. They always want to be the “teacher’s helper”, offer to assist the substitute, volunteer to walk the kid with the bloody knee to the nurse’s office, etc.

Type Two students are fairly easy to identify in a classroom as they are often trying to help make your life easier as a teacher. However, they may have needs that you have not yet considered. You may wonder why they are so clingy or sometimes seem to manipulate their peers with kindness. Or you may be wondering how to show your appreciation for all they do. Learning tips and strategies for interacting with a Type Two is crucial is building and maintaining relationships with them.

 Tips and Strategies for Working Effectively with people who exhibit Enneagram Type 2 patterns:

• First, and foremost remember that they, as Twos, are likely not driven by the same things you are. What motivates you, may not motivate them.
• In your interactions, both positive and tough interactions with a Type Two, remember and consider what it is that is motivating them and driving their behaviors. This will help you to better understand their actions. Here are the typical motivators of a Type Two:
  • To be loved
  • To be able to express their love for others
  • To be needed
  • To be appreciated
  • To have others notice them and validate all that they are doing for others.
• Determine their strengths and hidden potential. Find ways to incorporate these more in your relationship.
• Consider what you have learned about Type Twos and capitalize on the strengths of the twos in their work and life. Help them to do the same for themselves.
• Consider how you can address potentially negative patterns in a positive way.

Strengths and Challenges and Opportunities for Growth:

Strengths:

• Nurturing
• Caring
• Warm
• Generous
• Empathetic
• Enthusiastic
• Loving
• Compassionate
• Helpful

 Challenges:

• Preoccupied with gaining approval
• Clingy
• Martyr-like
• Manipulative
• Indirect
• Prideful
• Give so much to others that they don’t take care of themselves

 Opportunities for growth in your relationships with Enneagram Type 2: 

• Help them to learn to care for themselves like they do for others, so they don’t burn out or feel unappreciated.
• Help them to set boundaries as to how much is too much of helping others. Encourage them that it is okay to say “No” to you and to others to maintain their physical and emotional health. Notice when they do set boundaries and celebrate with them.
• Give them roles where their strengths can be appreciated and their challenges reduced.
• When you notice they are displaying some of the challenging patterns of a Type Two, be gently honest.
• Show them that you notice and appreciate all that they do. Even a “thank you,” a card or a hug can go a long way with a Type Two.
• Notice what they need, as they are not likely to tell you. Encourage them to listen to their own hearts, head and bodies to notice what they need and then to express it to you or others.
• Be mindful not to take advantage of their generosity. Make sure they are not always the “giver.”

 Conclusion:

People who are Enneagram Type Twos are wonderful assets to our lives. They love hard, are helpful, empathetic and are natural nurturers. They want to show their love for others and fear not being loved in return. They may view and show up in the world in a very different way than you do but by recognizing their strengths and challenges and understanding strategies to best live with, love, work with and teach them, you can make everyone’s lives easier.

Recap:

Today we explored how to best understand and communicate with Type Twos in your home, your friend group, your school and your classroom. Having this understanding will make the interactions with Twos in your life easier and more pleasant.

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