Season 8 Episode 128

Join in on our conversation as we discuss  the conflict causes and strategies that we took away from our last two episodes with out guest speaker Mariann Kurtz Weber.

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

We all experience conflict and it generally causes us stress. Pretending conflict doesn’t exist doesn’t make it go away. Ignoring issues can lead to missed deadlines, festering resentment, unsatisfactory interactions with others, and projects that don’t get finished.

Recent statistics suggest that 70% of us avoid difficult conversations with our boss, colleagues, or others and 53 percent of us handle “toxic” situations by avoiding them.

Clearly, there are a lot of us who could use some help with conflict resolution.

Stick around today, as we follow up on our two episodes on conflict with business and life coach Mariann Kurtz Weber.  We’re going to share our key takeaways and if you are one of the 70% who try to avoid conflict, we’ve got some strategies that you can use when you experience conflict in your life.

In this episode:

In this episode we discuss our key highlights from the last two episodes on conflict causes and resolution. This is not a word -for -word transcript. For the best experience, please listen to the episode.

Introduction:

First of all, those statistics, taken from a coaching and training firm Bravely (pdf), really jumped out at us! 70 % of us are conflict avoidant. We both share that we are not always comfortable with conflict ourselves.

One highlight and “aha” moment is that conflict is an opportunity. It is an opportunity to learn and to be creative and innovative.

Conflict avoidance and fear of conflict might be connected to our age, experience, and wisdom. With age and experience we both find we have less fear of conflict. As beginning teachers, we were never trained to deal with conflict. We had to figure it out on our own. It caused us a lot of anxiety and sleepless nights.

We see that lack of training in personal development as a missed opportunity. Mariann Kurtz Weber is often hired to teach conflict management strategies to businesses. Where is that training for teachers?  This is an example of how and why we are trying to bring these kinds of trainings to teachers in our podcast. We deserve to get the personal and professional development that others in other industries routinely get. We need those trainings on topics like conflict management.

That is why we are sharing our learnings. We wish we had known how to handle the conflict with a parent or other conflicts when we were starting out as teachers. Now we are bringing it to you.

Types of Conflict

In Episode 126 Mariann shared different types of conflict. She referenced psychologists Bell and Hart’s eight common causes of conflict in the workplace. Once you know these and understand them, you can use this information to understand your own conflicts.

You can use this classification to identify possible causes of conflict. Once you’ve identified them, you can take steps to prevent conflict happening in the first place, or you can tailor your conflict resolution strategy to fit the situation.

These types of conflict are prevalent in your school, and also in your personal life.

The eight causes are:

1. Conflicting resources.
2. Conflicting styles.
3. Conflicting perceptions.
4. Conflicting goals.
5. Conflicting pressures.
6. Conflicting roles.
7. Conflicting values
8. Unpredictable policies

We can easily think of times we have experienced all of these types of conflict. They exist in our work lives and in our home lives. We give examples of these types of conflicts in our lives.

We also realized that these are things we could be teaching to kids. They experience conflicts and can understand what is causing a conflict. It is an opportunity to learn.

We also noted that the discussion of conflicting values is very aligned with many topics we have already addressed on this podcast. When something goes against your values, it creates great conflict and often much stress.

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model

Mariann also shared The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model which outlines five strategies for conflict resolution. These are arranged in terms of the one that you should probably use the least to the one you should use the most.

1. Avoiding

Avoiding is a strategy best suited for situations in which the relationship’s importance and goal are both low.

You’re unlikely to encounter these scenarios at work, where your goals are typically important and you care about maintaining a lasting relationship with colleagues. They may occur in daily life.

For instance, you’re on a public bus and the passenger next to you is loudly playing music. You’ll likely never bump into that person again, and your goal of a pleasant bus ride isn’t extremely pressing. Avoiding conflict by ignoring the music is a valid option.

Think, this is not my monkey, not my circus!

2. Competing

This conflict style is for scenarios in which you place high importance on your goal and low importance on your relationships with others. It’s high in assertiveness and low in cooperation. “I will choose to do what I want no matter what.” There is a winner and also a loser.

You may choose a competing style in a crisis. For instance, if someone is unconscious and people are arguing about what to do, asserting yourself and taking charge can help the person get medical attention quicker.

Ask, what are we solving for?  Is it important enough to lead with competition?

3. Accommodating

In this type of conflict resolution, you give in to the other party’s needs. This works  in instances where the relationship matters more than your goal.

The trap with this is that you will give in to save the relationship, but it ultimately might cause you to feel resentful. Resentment can build up to anger if you are constantly accommodating to someone else’s’ needs.

4. Compromising

We often think of this one as a good solution to conflict. You and the other party willingly forfeit some of your needs to reach an agreement. It’s known as a “lose-lose” strategy, since neither of you achieve your full goal. There are always things to be lost in this version of resolution.

Compromising requires big-picture thinking and swallowing your pride, knowing you won’t get all your needs fulfilled. The benefits are that you and the other party value your relationship and make sacrifices to reach a mutually beneficial resolution.

This is where coming back to the causes of the conflict is important. Think about the type of conflict.  Sometimes it is okay to compromise- for example if it is about a resource. However compromising on your values may not ever be a good option.

5. Collaborating

Where compromise is a lose-lose strategy, collaboration is a win-win strategy. In instances of collaboration, your goal and the relationship are equally important, motivating both you and the other party to work together to find an outcome that meets all needs. You generally feel good about it the resolution.

Collaborating works well when you focus on the issue rather than what each person wants. Focus on the problem. What are we solving for?  That allows for innovative or creative solutions. Come in open to new ideas.

Collaborating might be the ultimate conflict resolution strategy.

Quote:

We liked this quote Mariann shared in the resources.

“As a leader, you have the responsibility to foster healthy conflict resolution and create a safe, productive work environment for your employees.”

What if we took out the words leader, work, or employee and changed it?

It might now look like this:

“As a teacher you have a responsibility to foster healthy conflict resolution and create a safe, productive classroom for your students.”

You could also replace the word leader with teacher, parent, coach, friend, or any other role. How would that create effect conflict resolution strategies?

This is about who you are and how you show up. We can all create a safe space for conflict resolution.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Link to Harvard Business School – Online — Business Insights

https://online.hbs.edu/blog/post/strategies-for-conflict-resolution-in-the-workplace

Self-assessment Conflict Management Styles (Free)

Click to access Conflict_Management_Styles_Assessment.pdf

Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model—developed by Dr. Kenneth W. Thomas and Dr. Ralph H. Kilmann—outlines five strategies for conflict resolution.

How to Create a Culture of Ethics and Accountability in the Workplace

Bell and Hart’s Eight Causes of Conflict

Understanding the Causes of Workplace Tension

Written by the Mindtools Content Team

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

Episode 26 Causes of Conflict with Mariann Kurtz Weber

Episode 127 Conflict Resolution Strategies with Marian Kurtz Weber

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