Make Change Easier by Adjusting Your Mindset and Habits S.4 E.53

Check out this episode to learn how you can minimize the stress of change by adjusting your mindset and habits. 

Show notes:

Episode Summary:

Change. Whether good or bad, change is inevitable and can’t be ignored or avoided. How we react to change impacts our overall life and happiness.

In this special four part series, we explore ways to make change easier. In Episode 52 we discussed how we can prepare ourselves for change.

In this episode we discuss how we can create habits and mindsets to overcome change. You will likely be surprised what a difference your habits and mindset can make. We can’t wait to share what we have learned with you!

Introduction:

Change can be complex- at lot of different levels. It can impact you at the physical level, emotional level, technological level, at work, at home, and in our society and in the world.

Change is everywhere and it is inevitable.

Change can be good or bad- but even good change can cause stress. Imagine buying your dream house. It is a great change, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t stress and overwhelm with the change of learning a new town, a new neighborhood, the weird little things you learn about your house.

If you have ever moved or built a house- you may recognize the stress of having to pick out all the paint, the tiles, the flooring etc. and worrying about spending all that money and then worrying that you might not like it in the end.

The pace and purpose of change have forced us to deal with change more than ever. It can be overwhelming and emotionally and physically exhausting. You can be left with your head spinning with all the change constantly taking place.

In the last episode, episode 52, we discussed preparing ourselves for upcoming change. In this episode we explore habits and mindsets to help us when change occurs.

How you react to, and cope with change, impacts your overall life and happiness. If you are unhappy with the change, you may find that that unhappiness settles into your soul, leaving you feeling bitter or resentful in other areas of your life.

A lot of bitterness and resentfulness in people is due to their unhappiness with change or that things didn’t turn out the way they expected them to but they are too afraid of change to fix it.

You don’t want to be that person, so let’s explore mindset changes and habits to ensure that does not happen.

Address your mindset and build your resiliency muscle so it is ready when needed.

We talk a lot about mindset and resiliency on this podcast. Though it is worth mentioning here as an important way to face change, adjusting your mindset and building resiliency are good for us at all times in our lives, not just during change.

Your mindset is your set of internal beliefs about yourself and the world. Your mindset shapes how you see things and how you react to things.

For example, having a growth mindset is the belief that you understand that you can change and grow.  It is NOT believing that your talents and intelligence are fixed from birth.

We now know about neuroplasticity- that the brain has the ability to adapt, change and rewire itself.

We also have beliefs around things like perfectionism, or imposter syndrome, or beliefs that certain traits about us are always true. “I am overwhelmed” can be a statement, but it can also become a mindset belief that you are always overwhelmed, that is just who you are. The same thing could apply to being late, or being unorganized.

We recommend that you check out episode 13 where we explore mindset shifts topics in more depth.

Resilience refers to our ability to adapt, bounce back, and recover from challenges, adversity, or setbacks.

Resiliency involves maintaining our mental and emotional well-being during difficult times and finding ways to effectively cope with stress and hardship. Resilience is not about avoiding difficulties and changes, it is about facing them with a positive and adaptable mindset.

We can improve our resilience by saying phrases such as the following:

“I can get through this.”

“As much as I hate this, I can survive it.”

“I’m not going to let myself be a victim.”

“I need some time to process this.”

“It is what it is.”

“I’m letting this go.”

In episode 27 we analyze and give examples of how to use these types of phrases. Acting “as if” you have the skills actually helps your brain to think you do have them! We strongly encourage you to listen to that episode- the 18 minutes are very worth it.

Individuals with positive mindsets and resiliency skills, are better equipped to address changes as they occur without becoming overwhelmed, giving up, or checking out.

The more you shift your mindset and build your resiliency, the better you will be at facing the challenges that come your way.

Set Good Habits and get rid of the bad ones.

It is important to stress that there are two parts to this suggestion- Set Good Habits AND get rid of the bad ones. It doesn’t work to just do one of them.

For example, going to the gym to develop physical strength  (good habit) doesn’t make you happier if you come home and eat junk food as soon as you get home (bad habit).

In the TEDx Talk  The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong Amy Morin, a psychotherapist, editor-in-chief of Verywell Mind, and author of several books, discusses what mentally strong people do. Amy Morin faced several back-to-back struggles which got her thinking seriously about what it takes to be mentally strong when faced with adversity.

Amy identifies a few common destructive beliefs and habits that hold us back (and she stresses that even if they are small, they are holding us back):

We may have unhealthy mindset beliefs about ourselves.

For example a mindset belief might be that everything bad always happens to you.

This leads to a habit of self- pity, which magnifies your problems. Constantly saying things like, “Why does this always happen to me?” Is a problem because if you are too busy wallowing in your misfortune, you don’t have the time, energy or vision to make your life better.

Your belief becomes a bad habit of declaring how unfair the world is to you. The more you look for the negative things, the more you will see them. It will perpetuate your belief.

 How can we get combat this bad habit and add a new healthy habit instead?

Stop wallowing. Look for the positive. Focusing on the good that is in front of you will help you to see less of the negative.

Work through it. Use positive self talk, not negative self-talk. For example, “someone ran into my car and made a dent. It was not my fault.  I didn’t cause it.  Insurance will pay for it. It is what it is.”

That is very different than, “why do bad things already happen to me.”  It shows that you are accepting something that you can’t control.

 Another negative mindset belief is that we may have is unhealthy beliefs about others.

We think others can control us so we give away our power. When we say we “have to” do something, we give away our power. Or, when you say that someone “drives me crazy” you are giving away your power to that person. Your words are a bad habit. You are allowing yourself to give away power.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” If you are feeling bad about what someone else is doing, you are giving that person power. You are allowing them to make you feel bad.

Are your habits allowing others to have power over you?

How can we combat this bad habit to add a good one?

Instead of saying, “ I have to write these lesson plans and turn them in”, say, “ I’m going to write good lesson plans and turn them in.” This puts you in control.

When a student is constantly talking out of turn, instead of saying, “she drives me crazy,” think of a proactive way to address the problem. Say, “I am going to quietly meet with this student, and explain why her behavior is bothering me and others. Then I am going to ask for her cooperation.  We are going to come up with a signal I will use to address her talking out of turn. At the end of the day, we’ll assess whether she did a better job and I will congratulate her and encourage her.  She is getting the attention she needs and I am building a better habit that will lead to positive results.”

This is a proactive way of dealing with a problem, rather than just complaining.

Comparing yourself to others is another bad mental habit.  

Social media can be a cause of negative comparison. You have probably all felt it. Some people have even given up their social media because it causes them to do negative comparison.

Accept yourself for who you are. Rather than compare yourself to others, just compare to yourself yesterday or in the past.

We can have unhealthly mindset beliefs about the world.

We may think the world owes us something so we are disappointed when we think it doesn’t follow through. “I worked so hard “or “I have been a good person” so “why won’t this work for me?”

This mindset belief can lead to bad habits. You might give up because you feel powerless. You might stop engaging with others or sharing your ideas because it seems meaningless. Those habits won’t help you get what you want.

How can we combat this bad habit and add a good one instead?

Accept that life doesn’t owe you. Yes, you won’t be rewarded for being a good person but you also then realize the world isn’t against you.

Change the world for the better for you, not for any expectations that karma will pay you back. There is self-satisfaction in doing what you think is important. If you have ever done a good deed anonymously, you know the power of that feeling. It makes you feel good.

When faced with the stressful situations of change, you can also increase your good habits around self care and maybe learn a few new ones.

Real self-care involves …

• setting boundaries
• learning to treat yourself with compassion
• making choices that bring you closer to your true self
• living a life aligned with our values

Other good habits that we have talked about before but that are worth repeating are:

Gratitude-spend time everyday thinking about the things that went well that day, rather than the bad habit of complaining about all the things that didn’t go well.

Visualizing– use visualize to plan how you want your life to be, rather than just drifting along and accepting things that happen to you. Imagine how your life will be in this time of change.

Celebrating the moments– acknowledge yourself for what you are doing well, rather than trying to compete with someone else or berate yourself for not being good enough. Find the good and celebrate it.

Get help from friends or family-leaning into your loved ones and others who can remind you of the good rather than holding anger or resentment or stress all alone, use the power of others to help you.

Gaining new habits and getting rid of the unhealthy habits, doesn’t mean you have to get rid of ALL of your habits.

You may find peace and comfort in keeping your healthy habits and routines as you did before the change. They can give you a feeling of stability in a rocky time. For example, you may want to keep your morning routine, or going to bed at the same time, or exercising, etc. Do the things during change that help you feel good.

Jack Canfield said,  “Your habits will determine your future.” May your habits in the face of change carry you through and maybe even help you to soar.

Recap:

Change will happen. What you do when you are faced with changes impacts your overall life and happiness. To avoid feelings of disappointment or bitterness from seeping into your life, it is important to examine and change our mindsets and habits. Getting rid of unhealthy habits, and replacing them with healthy habits will give you the strength, mindset and resiliency skill you need in the face of change.

Quote:

“Your habits will determine your future.”

Jack Canfield

Resources mentioned in this episode:

TEDx Talk  The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong by Amy Morin

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

Mindset Shift:  Your Circle of Control

3 Limiting Mindset Beliefs that Will Hold You Back

Real Self-Care

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