Do You Need to Raise Your Standards?
As you have become a teacher, chances are, you have raised your standards in some areas of your life.
Many of us are rethinking our relationships with food, choosing foods that are higher quality, organic, local, and more nutritious. We may have raised out standards in terms of exercise, recognizing that exercise helps us reduce frustration and become more mindful. Since you are a working professional, you have likely raised your standards in terms of your personal wardrobe.
We may also need to raise our standards in terms of how we interact with others.
It isn’t always easy to change your standards. Our standards are deeply ingrained; we often developed our standards as children when our parents and others taught us how to act. We also create our standards as a reflection of our personal values. Our standards are also closely related to our beliefs about what we think we deserve, and about our value as a person.
This is where it gets tricky. Examining how you interact with others takes it out of the individual realm as it involves another person. We are no longer just considering our wants and needs, but those of the other person.
You may need to raise your standards in your interactions with others if you have ever found yourself doing one or more of the following:
Failing to correct a student because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Not speaking up at a faculty meeting when you disagree because you don’t want to upset your colleagues or make them think you are a troublemaker.
Letting a student, parent or other teacher yell at you.
Letting a student undermine you by allowing them to change the direction of an activity.
Allowing someone to take credit for your work.
Doing the work of someone else rather than call them on it or letting it go undone.
If you have experienced any of these things, is a sign of an interaction which needs to be improved.
Here are a few ways to raise your standards in how you interact with others:
Understand that teaching often involves correcting someone or helping them to change behaviors and that this is a positive thing.
Teachers often hesitate to correct students because they don’t want to make them feel bad. Rather than framing it as criticism, frame it as help. Help students to understand that it is your job to offer guidance. Help students to understand that having a growth mindset means that they are going to make mistakes and that is part of the process. It does not mean that you will punish them.
If a student turns in a math assignment and misses 8/10 problems, you can return in to him with a big, red, fat “F” on top. That will likely be received as punishment. Alternatively, you can have a conversation about what went wrong and explain to him how to fix it. Then ask him to do the assignment over. That will be received as help.
Do not allow other people to treat you with disrespect.
You teach other people how to treat you by how you respond to them. If you allow someone to take credit for your work, or to undermine your decisions they will likely continue to do so. If they know that they can slack off and you will pick up their end of the project, they will leave you doing more than your fair share of the work.
If the “Me Too” campaign has taught us anything, it is that we don’t have to accept poor behavior in order to succeed. This doesn’t just apply to sexual impropriety, but to bad behavior in general. You do not have to allow anyone to scream at you. You can respectfully suggest that you will set up another time to talk when emotions are not running so high.
If a student calls you a disrespectful name, do not answer. Do not engage in name calling. You do not need to let it pass, but know that in the heat of the moment is not the right time to address severe behaviors. Try to remain calm and tell the person that the behavior is not acceptable and that you will continue the conversation when you can both respond calmly.
Learn to have courageous conversations.
If someone throws you under the bus, call them on it. Know your value and stand up for yourself when needed. If people in your life leave you feeling resentful, angry and hurt, speak up. You can do this without accusations by addressing how you feel. If you value the relationship, say so, and acknowledge what kind of behaviors you want or need. Though it can be difficult to do so, try to stay calm and speak with a low voice.
It isn’t fun to have courageous conversations, but when we do so, often times we clear the air. It is a chance to let go of anger and resentment. It is also a chance to better understand the other person and let them understand you.
Be aware of what you bring to your interactions.
The other side of the story is in what your attitudes and actions say about you. You’ve heard of the Golden Rule, and it is not bad advice to treat people how you would like to be treated. Raising your standards means being aware of you what you bring to interactions. Being respectful and kind goes a long way. People notice when you show up with integrity. You can take the high road and become a positive role model.
Though it is a process rather than an event, it is possible to raise your standards around relationships and interactions. You won’t always get it right, and old habits sometimes die hard. Try to keep moving in the right direction. Small steps in the right direction will often add up to big improvements.
When we raise our standards, we understand who we are and how we need to show up in the world in order to give and receive value. That is a worthy goal, one that will serve you well as a teacher and in other parts of your life.
Have you tried to raise your standards? We would love to hear your examples. Why not head over to our free Teacher Warriors Facebook group and share your stories?
Our best,
