Change is Hard. Make It Easier. Prepare Yourself.  S.4 E.52

Check out this episode to learn ways to prepare yourself for change so that you can lessen frustration and make life easier. 

Show Notes:  

In this episode:

Do you struggle with change?  If so, you’re not alone. Change is inevitable. Change can be good or bad, but even good change can cause us stress. How we react to change impacts our overall life and happiness. There are simple and specific solutions to this struggle. In this special four part series, we explore ways we can prepare ourselves for change, create habits and mindsets to overcome change, decide which changes are worth fighting and finally we will explore how to embrace change.

Change is coming, as much as we may want to ignore or avoid it, so we are kicking off this important series today by exploring how we can best prepare ourselves for life and work changes that are surely coming our way.

Introduction:

Imagine you are outside on a beautiful day, the weather is gorgeous and you are preparing to spend time outside with a picnic, or playing with your kids or enjoying a good book.

All of a sudden you can see and feel a storm coming. The warning signs are there- the sky is turning dark, you check your phone and the weather man tells you it is coming, and to seek shelter. What do you do?

Do you completely ignore the storm and pretend it is not coming? Do you avoid it and pull the curtains shut hoping you can wait to face it the next day?  Of course not, you prepare. You think about what is best for you and your loved ones and you take action.

Change is a very similar to the storm. It is coming. Typically, though not always, there are signs to tell you that it is coming. Also, like the storm, no matter what your response is, the change is likely still going to happen. In order to protect your physical and mental health, it is important to have everything in place for change, just as you would to prepare for a storm.

It is important to stop here and note that in the storm example, change isn’t really a welcomed thing. It is messing up our carefully thought out plans and causing us distress. However, sometimes change can come in the form of a good thing, like a new baby or a new house, but even that change can be stressful and overwhelming.

New babies, can sometimes we be as loud as thunder and keep you awake in the middle of the night just like a storm. 😂

Even positive change can throw us off course.

When we have expectations for how something is going to go and it doesn’t work out the way we thought, we are disappointed.  It throws us off. It’s unsettling.

Let’s go back to the storm example for a second. What do you do when the sky is black, the sirens are going off and the storm is coming closer by the second?

• make sure your basic needs are met (take water and blanket with you)
• you may have a habit of what you grab to take with you (flashlight, phone charger, pets, etc.)
• make sure your loved ones are ok
• wait in a safe place for the storm to occur
• mentally prepare yourself for what you might find when you come out of the shelter

We are betting you DON’T go out and yell at the storm to stop, put your foot down and refuse to comply, or close your eyes and keep them closed while you pretend it isn’t happening.

Then, after the storm is over, you probably step back to assess if there is any damage. Let’s say there is roof damage or damage to your property, what do you do? Do you then close the curtains and ignore it forever, yell as the storm, or avoid going in your house ever again? Of course not. Instead,  you accept it, call the insurance company, and call the roofers. You may even embrace that when all of this is done, you will have a new roof.

What does this all have to do with change?

We all struggle with change, it is human nature and some people struggle more than others do. You may even struggle with a change you are looking forward to but you get overwhelmed with the implementation.

However, in this series, we will challenge you to identify and work through steps similar to those you would take before, during and after a storm and use of those same steps as guidelines to overcome change.

This leads to our 4 part series, Change is hard; make it easier.

In today’s episode, we start at the beginning. The “before the storm but when you can see it coming” stage.

We will tackle what you can do when you anticipate change is coming and the steps you can take to prepare for it. Just like grabbing all of your supplies and finding shelter from the storm, you can prepare for change in a way that will lessen, or potentially even help you alleviate, any potential negative impacts when the change actually comes.

Identify if it is an “A” level change or a “B” level change. Don’t let “A” level change take on the strength of “B” level change. 

There are two different types of change- “A” and “B”.

“A” level changes are the big changes- marriage, divorce, birth, death, new job, new house, new town, or being dismissed from your job.

“B” level changes might be a new co-worker, new friend in your circle, a new neighbor, being moved to a different grade level or a new team, or being given a new student in the middle of a school year.

Sometimes, in the absence of “A” level changes, “B” level changes can take on the strength of “A” level changes.

Has that ever happened to you?

It’s all about perspective. For example, moving to a new school location shouldn’t be a major life event. Yet you may fear the change, and build it up in your mind until it becomes a major event. What was a “B” level change has become an “A” level change, causing much unnecessary stress.

This idea of A and B level changes  also applies to perfectionism.  Some people think everything is an “A” level and requires “A” level perfection.  Somethings are “B” level and deserve “B” level attention. Some things are even “C” level and deserve very average attention.

We can have a lot of anxiety over the wrong things. An argument with another teacher is not the end of the world, nor is it deserving of weeks full of sleepless nights. It is a “B” level situation and deserves “B” level attention.

When you feel like something is an “A” problem, step back and ask if it really is an “A” level problem. Take a deep breath, and look over your shoulder. Is there a life-threatening animal or event behind you? Lion? Dinosaur? No. Good. Now do the other shoulder. Then look up, down, etc. Take a deep breath each time. It will calm you down and make you think more rationally.

Another idea is to ask yourself, how much will this will matter in one year, or five years or ten years. If the answer is not much, you are probably overreacting and that causes stress.

We challenge you, the next time you see a change coming, to decide if you should prepare for an “A” level change or if you are okay preparing for a “B” level change.

Bringing it back to the storm analogy- don’t spend the time and energy preparing for the “tornadoes” when you really only need to prepare you and your loved ones for the “mild thunderstorm.”

Identify the change for what it is (real and coming) and plan accordingly.

How do you typically react when you see or feel that change is on the horizon?

Do you tell yourself to just “deal with it until it blows over?” All too often, we see change as temporary so we just decide to temporarily “deal with it” but most of the time it is not temporary. Change usually stays for awhile until another change arrives.

Or maybe you are just in denial and pretend it isn’t happening. This is like little kids playing peek a boo and thinking no one can see them if their eyes are closed. It is easy to do the same thing with change. If I don’t talk about it, or look at it closely, maybe it will go away.

However, when we are pretending the change is temporary or are in denial, we are only putting off the inevitable and causing ourselves more unneeded stress in the process. We do ourselves and everyone around us a favor when we acknowledge the change that is coming, accept it as real and then make plans to deal with it.

The longer you wait, the harder it can become to prepare for that upcoming change.

Another way of preparing for change is to accept the change is coming and adjust accordingly.

In an article from Psychology Today, Dr. Stephanie Sarkis suggests you step outside of the situation and say to yourself, “Things are changing, and it’s okay”.

That is definitely preparing yourself. Saying something out loud can help to make it real and help you put your preemptive thoughts and actions in order. “Thinks are changing, and it’s okay”.

Another suggestion, this one from Dan Miller, is useful for when things might be changing in a way that seems to be difficult or negative is to ask yourself, “What does this make possible?”.  It is like the old saying when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Acknowledging what is happening can be so much less stressful than putting things off or pretending things aren’t changing.

You can also prepare for change by becoming the initiator of change.

Some people like change and see it as generally positive. By being the one to initiate change, you keep the power.

Even if you are the one who wants the change and is leading the charge, there are struggles that come with that role. You need to recognize peoples’ fears, reassure them, and give them to the tools to navigate the change.

Often when there is a change, people are fearful because they don’t know how to address the things that are changing. They need support and education. Those are things you can prepare for ahead of time. If you are leading the change, you need to be prepared to support those who are involved.

For example, when there is a new curriculum and the district expects it to be implemented fully immediately, teachers often struggle. They need time to learn the new curriculum, to write lesson plans and to access the new materials.

If you can anticipate the needs, you can prepare people to meet those needs.

What skills or strategies can you apply to the upcoming change?

A final suggestion for preparing yourself for change is to examine the ways you deal with discomfort in your life in general.

If you are wondering how you can best prepare for upcoming changes, examine the different ways you deal with discomfort in your life. What works for you?  What kinds of things help you cope with stress in general?

Consider what you do when a friend lets you down, when your feelings are hurt, or when you don’t get that job you wanted. Think about what you do when you have physical discomfort. Maybe you “walk it off” by taking a walk or getting a massage. Maybe you talk through your hopes and dreams and fears with a friend over a cup of coffee.

Write down the ways you deal best with discomfort and then pull that list out the next time you are feeling unsettled by change. You will be surprised by how the ways you already deal with discomfort will work when you are preparing for upcoming change.  Maybe you talk through your hopes and fears with a friend over a cup of coffee. Perhaps you deal with difficult circumstances by writing about it. Writing often helps people figure out what they really think. It is a way of accessing your inner wisdom.

When we see change coming, it can be tempting to put your foot down and resist, or lay your head down and do your best to ignore the change. You might also choose to accept the change or even lead the change. But change IS happening so preparing ourselves for when it happens is an important first step for our physical and mental health.

Make sure to tune in to our next 3 episodes for the other 3 stages in overcoming our struggles with change.

Recap:

It is not a question about whether or not change is coming, it is. The question is, “How will you prepare yourself for it?”.  In this episode, we have explored ways you can identify whether the change is “A” level or “B” level and act accordingly. We’ve looked at ways to acknowledge that the change is coming and then take strategies you already have for dealing with discomfort and apply them to change. You might also initiate change, and if so, you need to be prepared to support others through the change. Just like preparing for an impending storm helps you once the storm hits, preparing for change sets you on the right track to lessening or avoiding the struggle of change when that inevitable change occurs.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

10 Ways to Cope With Big Changes | Psychology Today

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