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Real Self-Care Ep.16

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  Real Self-Care    S. 2  E.16

real self-care, woman reading outdoors

 

Listen to this episode to learn more about how you can stop using faux self-care practices and start making choices that will create real self-care and more authentic living.

Show notes:

Episode Summary:

Have you ever been frustrated by self-care?  Maybe you can’t find the time to indulge in a yoga class or journaling or meditation. Or maybe you can’t afford a spa day, a massage or even a latte. Do you indulge in self- care only to find that it feels good for a moment, but you quickly wind up stressed once again?  Some of these things MIGHT be real self-care for you, but what does that look like?  How do you know if it is real-self care?

In today’s episode were going to talk about real self-care.

In this episode:

We hear it all the time, we should be practicing self-care.

We’ve tried them all…yoga, meditation, journaling, practicing gratitude, coffee drinks, scented candles, bubble baths or steam showers.

And then there are luxury sheets, organizational systems to organize your home or classroom, and gorgeous planners with beautiful quotes and inspirational stickers.

These are all self-care things that make you feel good for a few minutes. There is nothing wrong with them. They can help us cope and help us deal with our stress.

Many self-care strategies give us the illusion of control- or the illusion of relaxation. But at the end of the day, they are helping us deal with the symptoms of our exhaustion and burnout and stress- not the cause of it. It is like continually takin aspirin for a headache and never trying to figure out why you have a headache in the first place.

And to make it even worse- if you can’t manage to get enough self-care in with your ever growing to-do list it feels like one more failure.

Have you ever felt stressed over your self-care activities?

Self-care can cause a lot of guilt because we feel like if it isn’t working, we are to blame.

Faux self-care

Self-care has become an industry. It is a product to be marketed and sold. It is everywhere.

Instagram has dozens of self care hashtags #selfcare has 73 MILLION posts.

Clearly we are look for self-care help.

In her book Real Self-Care, Dr. Pooja Lakshmin  discusses the self-care problem. We have massive focus on self-care and thousands of products available to help. And yet is doesn’t seem to be working.

Dr. Lakshmin describes the current state of self-care as faux self-care- self care that is incomplete at best and manipulative at worse.

Dr. Lakshmin compares faux self-care to empty calories- devoid of substance, like a quick sugar high. It feels good in the moment but doesn’t nourish us in the long haul.

Most things we think of as self-care, are really faux self-care. There is nothing wrong with these activities or products- but they are remedies, not the way to fix the problem in the first place.

In her book, Dr. Lakshmin says that real self-care is an inside job. It is different for every person, and once you figure out what YOU need, it changes your self-image, your relationships, your workplace and your community.

What we have to do is stop focusing on the symptoms and focus on the root causes.

Real Self-care

What is real self-care? It’s a verb, not a noun.

It is connected to your internal decision making and the choices you choose to make in your life.

Real self-care allows you to get your needs met- in your relationships, in your family and in your work.

Real-self care brings you closer to yourself and what is most important to you.

Dr. Lakshmin says “Real self-care…is not a one -stop shop like a fancy spa retreat or a journaling app, it’s an internal process that involves making difficult decisions that will pay off tenfold in the long run as a life built around the relationships and activities that matter most to you.”

Real self-care involves …

  • setting boundaries
  • learning to treat yourself with compassion
  • making choices that bring you closer to your true self
  • living a life aligned with our values

This requires asking some tough questions and making hard choices. It also requires that we examine our relationship with guilt and shame. It is difficult work, and at first, it seems easier just to buy a scented candle.

The biggest question to focus on is why? Why are you choosing a self-care activity? For example, two different people choose to take a yoga class for self-care.

Mandy signs up because her friends are into yoga and she thinks she should get in on it too. She finds that it is an escape from her stressful life for an hour a couple of times a week. It is social, and she likes being with her friends, so she keeps going. When her friends can’t attend, she doesn’t go either. She doesn’t really miss it. She is experiencing faux self-care.

Trisha also takes a yoga class. She goes once a week, but wishes she could go more often. She loves the quiet, contemplation and always leaves feeling deeply nourished. Trisha’s yoga is true self-care.

It is not about the method, the activity or the product you buy, it is about what the experience does for you. One person’s piano practice is painful and boring, another person’s piano practice is fulfilling and life giving.

One person’s candle is a pleasant orange scent. Another person’s candle is the brand her mother always had burning when she came home from school and when she comes home and lights her candle it reminds her of her mom and the happy time they spent after school talking about their day. The scent  makes her home feel warm and inviting. It makes her feel calm and relaxed.

Real self-care is less about adding things to your life than about understanding your place in the world and what you need to walk through the world feeling fulfilled.

How do you find what real-self care looks like for you?

Align your actions with your values.

  • Get in touch with your values. Take a values assessment. Your values are your hearts’ deepest desires. They include descriptions of how you want to live, how you want to interact with the world and how you want to feel when you are with yourself.
  • Knowing your values helps you eliminate the “shoulds” and focus on what is right for you.
  • Your values are what is unique about you, they are as unique as your fingerprint.
  • Holding your values and working within them is always self-nourishing.
  • When you align with your values, you will be doing fewer things that matter most to other people and more of the things that matter most to you.

If you want to do some activities to help you clarify your values, the book Real Self-Care is full of helpful activities.

Other examples:

A spa experience might not be about the spa treatments.  If spending time with people nourishes you, then a spa day with friends might be what you need.  The value is spending quality time with the people, not the specific activity.

If you highly value learning and growing,  quiet time with a book is self-nourishing.

If you love to learn about new places, travel can be a form of self-care. It is all about asking what does this activity do for me and how is it connected to my values?

Learning to Set Boundaries

Another form of real-self care is setting boundaries.

  • Consider what you need and want and leave space for that.
  • You teach people how to treat you by what you allow or don’t allow.
  • You can let the phone go to voice mail or leave the email for a day. This gives you time to read and reflect, and make thoughtful decisions.
  • Realize that you do not have to attend everything. Your children do not have to be in every activity.
  • Recognize that you are not in control of how others feel or they will react. That is theirs to own.
  • Do not let what others might think of you drive your decisions. Listen to your own heart and your own instincts.
  • Practice with small things so you can handle the big boundaries.

Dr. Lakshmin says, “Every boundary you set is a reminder that you have agency over how you spend your time and ener

Treat Yourself with Compassion

Real self-care includes treating yourself with compassion.

  • Self-compassion is the lens with which you view yourself.
  • We often mistakenly think that compassion comes from the outside when we do good works, it actually comes from the inside.
  • Sometimes good enough is okay. B or C+ effort is enough.
  • Be willing to accept help, support, love and kindness.
  • Rest- you don’t earn it rest- it is a medical necessity.
  • We all have the inner mean voice that constantly criticizes us. Learn to silence that voice when it is too harsh.

 Recap:

True self-care is an inside job. Self-care is not a temporary escape from life’s stresses. It is not a product that you can buy or a place that you can go. Real self-care is different for each of us. We find it by connecting our choices and actions to our values. Real self-care involves making difficult decisions that will pay off in the long run as we build a life around the relationships and activities that matter most to us. When done well, real-self care is empowering.

Quote:

“ Real self-care…is not a one -stop shop like a fancy spa retreat or a journaling app, it’s an internal process that involves making difficult decisions that will pay off tenfold in the long run as a life built around the relationships and activities that matter most to you”

“Self -care is an inside job.”

“Every boundary you set is a reminder that you have agency over how you spend your time and energy.”

Dr. Pooja Lakshmin

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Real Self-Care (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included)  by Pooja Lakshmin, M.D.

Related episodes and blogs:

Inspired Together Teachers podcast episode 6 Set Priorities to Take Back Your Life

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Facebook Teacher Warriors Group: Teacher Warriors Facebook Group

Linked In:  Inspired Together Teachers

 

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

Raise Your Standards E. 15

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   Raise Your Standards S. 1 Ep. 15

raise your standards, teacher and students image

 

Listen to this episode to learn more about how you can raise your standards to live in alignment with your beliefs and values.

Show notes:

Episode Summary:

We all have personal standards. Sometimes they serve us well and sometimes they don’t. In this episode we talk about the standards you have set for yourself and where you might need to examine them, tweak them, or even change them.

We’re not talking about Common Core or state standards, we’re talking about the standards you set for yourself, the standards you live by and that drive your actions. Though the educational system may set the curricular standards, you are in charge of setting your own standards!

In this episode:

What do we mean by standards?

Today we are talking about raising our standards.

We are not talking about the Common Core, Next Gen Science Standards or your state standards.

We are talking about your personal and professional standards.

By definition a standard is a “level of quality or attainment.” A standard is also an adjective we use to describe “an idea or thing used to measure” it’s what we use for comparison to what is “normal” or an expected level.

Examples of standards:

  • We set standards, or boundaries around what we are willing to do based on our values and beliefs.
  • We have standards around how we act around people, talk to people, and present our selves.
  • We have standards around the quality of work we will do.
  • Our standards tell us what we expect and what we will tolerate.
  • We also set standards for how we want to be treated and what we expect from ourselves and from other people.
  • If your standards are high, you understand your worth and your value and act accordingly.
  • If your standards a low, you are going to accept pretty much anything from yourself or others, you have low expectations and settle for the path of least resistance.

Though the educational system may set the curricular standards, you are in charge of setting your own standards!

What determines the type of standards we have?

  • Our standards are deeply ingrained; we often developed our standards as children when our parents and others taught us how to act.
  • We learn standards from watching others model- both positively and negatively
  • We also choose to create our standards as a reflection of our personal values.
  • Our standards are also closely related to our beliefs about what we think we deserve, and about our value as a person. As your understanding of who we are or what we believe changes, so should our boundaries.

It isn’t always easy to change your standards. They have become a part of us. That said, we CAN change our standards and we may need to in order to elevate our lives.

Leonardo DiCaprio understands that sometimes we will need to raise our standards when he said, said, “Every next level of your life will demand a different you.”

Raise Your Standards for Personal Interactions

Do You Need to Raise Your Standards?

As you have become a teacher, chances are, you have raised your standards in some areas of your life.

  • Many of us are rethinking our relationships with food, choosing foods that are higher quality, organic, local, and more nutritious.
  • We may have raised our standards in terms of exercise, recognizing that exercise helps us reduce frustration and become more mindful.
  • Since you are a working professional, you have likely raised your standards in terms of your personal wardrobe. The world has gone more casual in dress, but there are various levels of casual and also appropriate and inappropriate situations for some clothing.

There are some other areas where it is possible to raise your standards.

  • You may also need to raise your standards in how you talk to yourself. Many of us have a mean girl or a bully voice in our head that doesn’t say very nice things.
  • How can we expect others to show us love, acceptance, commitment, & respect when we don’t even show that to ourselves?

 You may need to raise your standards in your interactions with others.

This is where it gets tricky. Examining how you interact with others takes it out of the individual realm as it involves another person. We are no longer just considering our wants and needs, but those of the other person.

You may need to raise your interpersonal standards if you have ever found yourself doing one or more of the following:

  • Failing to correct a student because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
  • Not speaking up at a faculty meeting when you disagree because you don’t want to upset your colleagues or make them think you are a troublemaker.
  • Letting a student, parent or other teacher yell at you.
  • Letting a student undermine you by allowing them to change the direction of an activity.
  • Allowing someone to take credit for your work.
  • Doing the work of someone else rather than call them on it or letting it go undone.

If you have experienced any of these things, is a sign of an interaction which needs to be improved.

Here are a few ways to raise your standards in how you interact with others:

  • Understand that teaching often involves correcting someone or helping them to change behaviors and that this is a positive thing.
  • Teachers often hesitate to correct students because they don’t want to make them feel bad. Rather than framing it as criticism, frame it as help. Help students to understand that it is your job to offer guidance.
  • Help students to understand that having a growth mindset means that they are going to make mistakes and that is part of the process. It does not mean that you will punish them.

Do not allow other people to treat you with disrespect.

  • You teach other people how to treat you by how you respond to them.
  • If you allow someone to take credit for your work, or to undermine your decisions they will likely continue to do so.
  • If they know that they can slack off and you will pick up their end of the project, they will leave you doing more than your fair share of the work.
  • You do not have to allow anyone to scream at you. You can respectfully suggest that you will set up another time to talk when emotions are not running so high.

Learn to have courageous conversations.

  • If someone throws you under the bus, call them on it.
  • Know your value and stand up for yourself when needed.
  • If people in your life leave you feeling resentful, angry and hurt, speak up. You can do this without accusations by addressing how you feel.
  • If you value the relationship, say so, and acknowledge what kind of behaviors you want or need.
  • Though it can be difficult to do so, try to stay calm and speak with a low voice.

It isn’t fun to have courageous conversations, but when we do so, often times we clear the air. It is a chance to let go of anger and resentment. It is also a chance to better understand the other person and let them understand you.

Raising your standards may be a sign of self care.

Recently, there was an article on the Today website called: Dear Moms: Trips to Target are Not Self-care. The basic premise was that many women think that a trip to Target is self-care. They walk around and look at the candles and pillows and drink a Starbucks latte, and then buy things their families need. That is not real self care. Real self care is actually asking for and getting something you really need- like an entire night to yourself or a day away with your friends. This is an example of how raising your standards can mean speaking up and asking for what you really need.

We’ll do an entire episode on real self care in the near future.

Be aware of what you bring to your interactions.

  • The other side of the story is in what your attitudes and actions say about you.
  • In episode 9 we talked about how YOU Set the Tone.
  • You’ve heard of the Golden Rule, and it is not bad advice to treat people how you would like to be treated.
  • Raising your standards means being aware of you what you bring to interactions.
  • Being respectful and kind goes a long way.
  • People notice when you show up with integrity. You can take the high road and become a positive role model.
  • “Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.” Mandy Hale

Though it is a process rather than an event, it is possible to raise your standards around relationships and interactions. You won’t always get it right, and old habits sometimes die hard.

We say this all the time, but it is true. Try to keep moving in the right direction. Small steps in the right direction will often add up to big improvements.

Recap: When we raise our standards, we understand who we are and how we need to show up in the world in order to give and receive value. That is a worthy goal, one that will serve you well as a teacher and in other parts of your life.

Quotes:

“Every next level of your life will demand a different you.”

Leonardo DiCaprio

 “Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.”

Mandy Hale

Resources mentioned in this episode:  

Today: Dear Moms: Trips to Target are Not Self-care.

 Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

YOU Set the Tone  Inspired Together Teachers Podcast Episode 9 

Blog: Raise Your Standards for Personal Interactions

 

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

 Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Facebook Teacher Warriors Group: Teacher Warriors Facebook Group

Linked In:  Inspired Together Teachers

 

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

 

 

 

 

Are You Making an Impact? Ep.14

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Making an Impact S. 1 E. 14

Making an Impact, art teacher and student

Do you ever wonder if you are making an impact on your students? How do you know? In this episode we are talking about signs and signals you can be watching for to assure yourself that what you do is making an impact.

 

Show Notes:

Episode Summary:

Do you ever wonder if you are making a positive impact? You’ve been working really hard, yet it is human nature to question yourself. Does what I do matter? Do students even notice or care how much I am working for them? Does my family feel loved and cared for? Are my relationships with friends meaningful?  In this episode we are talking about how to know if you are making an impact.

In this episode:

One of things we are all want to know is that our life and work have purpose and that we making a positive impact. Today, we’re going to explore what that might look like.

We all want to make an impact. It gives our life value and purpose. It brings us fulfillment- and we’re talking top of Maslow’s higher needs and self-actualization here.

When we know we are making an impact, we have the stamina to get through the tough times. We all have challenges, but sometimes, if we know that the result is going to make a positive impact, we can accept the challenges.

We know that questioning our impact can be an issue for teachers. We hear it at our workshops. Teachers question whether they are really making an impact. Teaching is unique because we can work on a project “a student” for 180 days and the results of our labor may not be recognized until months, years or even decades later….and we may never see that impact we made. However, there are signs and signals you can be watching for to assure yourself that you are making an impact. Let’s explore some now…….

‌How to Know If You Are Making an Impact With Your Students 

Do you call students by name?

  • We all want to feel seen.
  • One of the simplest ways to make people feel noticed is to use their name. We all like to hear our names. How do you greet students in the morning? Do you great them by name? How do you respond to students when they raise their hands? Are you calling students by name when they are engaging in positive ways or only when they are exhibiting negative behaviors?
  • If you are routinely connecting with students by using their names when you interact with them for a variety of reasons, you are already positively impacting them. They are feeling seen and heard.
  • Example: when teachers stand in the door ways and great students by name when they enter the classroom

Dale Carnegie said about names: “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

Do you give positive feedback?

  • You are reading student work. You are having discussions with students both in a large group and in smaller groups or individually. You are answering student questions. These are all opportunities to give positive feedback. Even an incorrect answer can result in positive feedback.
  • Here’s an example, “That is not the correct answer, but I can see that you have some good thinking going on.” You have just provided positive feedback.
  • If you are giving students positive feedback on work, behaviors, attitudes, thought processes, or social interactions, you are making a positive impact.

Do you help students to grow?

  • We all have a need for growth.
  • Teachers are in a position to help students grow not only academically, but socially and emotionally as well.
  • Do you meet students where they are academically and help them get to the next level?
  • Do you guide students in appropriate social behaviors?
  • Do you encourage students to have a growth mindset?
  • Are you challenging students or encouraging them to try new things?
  • If so, you are making a positive impact.

This is where students relationships enter the picture. When you have built relationships with students you can give them feedback that is personal. Or socially, you can remind a student this is not your best self- you can rise above this.

Paula’s example: When working with kids with cognitive or behavioral disabilities, sometimes it took a lot of repetition. We practiced, repeatedly, skills and behaviors until the students were able to learn them and then we would move on to the next goal. They often knew they weren’t at the same level as their peers. They didn’t need me to tell them. They felt it. However, what I could do for them was guide them as they got closer and closer and to be their biggest cheerleader along the way.  Their steps were small but each step felt like a huge leap.

Do you teach the whole student?

  • You were hired to teach academic content.
  • You have all experienced teachers in your life who taught you something other than academic content.
  • They recognized something in you and helped you to see it in yourself.
  • They gave you advice about life, not just about homework.
  • They opened your eyes to something you are passionate about but might never have discovered by yourself.

These teachers were teaching the whole person, not just the student. If your interactions with students sometimes move out of the academic realm and into student’s lives, you are making a positive impact.

Do you still care?

  • This question is focused on you and your behaviors.
  • We all know people who have called it in. They do the minimum to get by. They stop any extra interactions. They don’t go out of their way to do anything extra for a student or colleague. They have a negative attitude. A student failed? Not my problem. A parent called? Why should I bother to call them back? Faculty meeting? I’m not going to show up.
  • You don’t have to work yourself into the ground, and you don’t have to be on call 24/7.
  • Good teachers still care. If there is a way to help a student, they will show up for that student.

Do you still care about your students? If so, you are making a positive impact.

You make more of an impact than you may realize. 

In our experience, teachers make far more of an impact than they realize. Your student may be walking away with an important life lesson. A seemingly ungrateful parent may recognize the ways you have helped their child, though they may never tell you. It is a truth in life that you may never know who or how you may have made a positive impact.

You may not know the impact you have on a student. Some will never get the chance to tell you. Some will show up years later and surprise you.

Save the evidence: Positive Notes for Days I Really Need Them

Save those notes and cards and letters, and little gifts you get. There will always be there to remind you that you make a difference.

Michele’s room is filled with little reminders from students. I’m sure people come into my room and think I have a lot of worthless clutter. In reality, it is the cat a student made for me in wood shop, the butterfly pin with my name misspelled that a student bought me with his own money, the cup that holds my colored pencils that a student gave me 20 years ago. I don’t see it as junk. I see it as impact.

We recently worked with a high school teacher that had a student mementos wall in his classroom. He hung class pictures, newspaper articles about the sports wins, student artwork, graduation party invitations…anything students gave him. He said, “that wall reminds me why I do this.”

We all need those reminders.

‌How do you know you are making a difference with your family and friends?

  • People come to you to seek your advice or as a shoulder to cry on- they trust you. You don’t judge and love unconditionally.
  • You are a good listener. You are present.
  • You show up, emotionally even if others don’t always show up for you. Especially true of family members who don’t have the same level of maturity or goals that you do.
  • You show up physically.
  • You go to the funerals. There is a great episode of NPR’s podcast This I Believe where a woman shares how a teacher showed up for her Mom’s funeral, when she was an adult, and that it mattered.

‌Recap: There may be times when you question if you are making an impact. While it is human nature to question ourselves, you are making more of an impact than you know. You are making an impact in the classroom through your words and actions. The same applies to your home life. Though you may never be fully aware of the impact you are making, continue to care, to teach, and to positively impact those around you. You are more powerful than you know.

‌Quotes:

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

Dale Carnegie

 

“You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do make a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”

Jane Goodall

Resources mentioned in this episode: 

NPR Radio Program/Podcast This I Believe: Always Go to the Funeral

Related episodes and posts:

5 Ways to Know if You are Making an Impact – Inspired Together Teachers

Positive Notes for Days You Really Need Them

 

Connect with Inspired Together Teachers: 

Download our FREE resource, The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Facebook Teacher Warriors Group: Teacher Warriors Facebook Group

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/company/inspired-together-learning/

Our book: The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self

 

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

Mindset Shifts that Change Your Life Experience Ep. 13

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Mindset Shifts that Change

Your Life Experience S. 1 E. 13

 Your mindset contains beliefs can both help you and hurt you. Listen to this episode to learn how mindset shifts can help you  exchange negative beliefs for ones that will serve you in better ways. 

Show Notes

Episode Summary: 

We all have beliefs that determine not only what we think, but influence the choices we make, and ultimately, how we live our lives. We all have limiting beliefs that are holding us back. Have you identified the limiting beliefs that are holding you back? In today’s episode, we’re talking about mindset shifts that can improve how you experience your life.

In this episode: 

Your mindset is a series of beliefs that influence your behaviors and habits. Your beliefs can set you up for success, happiness and personal fulfillment. Your limiting mindset beliefs can also keep you down, causing struggles and challenging you in limiting ways.

The good thing about limiting mindset beliefs is that they don’t have to derail you; once you are aware of them, you can change them.

Growth Mindset

Most teachers are familiar with Carol Dweck’s growth mindset philosophy.

Those with a fixed mindset believe that our talents and intelligence are born in. They believe that success comes from innate talent.

The growth mindset belief is that your basic qualities are things you can change and grow with effort.

People with a growth mindset are not afraid to examine their performance and abilities and pay attention to information that can stretch them.

Many teachers promote growth mindset with their students. You’ve probably read about and used strategies for helping students understand their mindset and cultivating a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset.

We are going to flip the script today and talk about how teachers can change and develop their own mindset.

Neuroplasticity

We know that our brains can develop and grow throughout our lives.

Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to change, adapt, and rewire itself.

When we learn, or do something differently, our brains have the ability to make new connections. New neurons create pathways, not unlike the path that you would create by repeatedly walking through a  forest. The brain will also eliminate neural pathways that we are not using, which speeds up processing time and allows us to access connections more quickly.

The more you practice or apply or review a skill, the stronger the pathways are. This is why teachers activate background knowledge before a lesson or why they ask questions to help students make connections from something new to something they already know.

 What are some mindset beliefs that might be limiting you?

 Perfectionism

  • Perfectionists often over think things. They wait to act until everything is perfect, which often means projects are delayed. Perfectionism leads to procrastination, which leads to paralysis.
  • At the heart, perfectionism is often fear of failure. Fear of failure is a fixed mindset belief. The mindset belief is, “If I don’t do this perfectly, I will be a failure.”  This stops people from from trying new things. Waiting for things to be perfect is a great way to stop yourself from doing anything, thus avoiding possible failure.

How can we shift this mindset?

  • A mindset shift is to adopt the idea that failure does not condemn or define you, failure offers you an opportunity to learn. Failure just means that you have not developed the skills yet. This growth mindset offers you the opportunity to try again and again, making small incremental changes to improve each time.
  •  If you are in the game, you are going to fail sometimes. It means you are trying. No one expects every basketball player to make 100% of the shots. You should not expect yourself to be perfect 100% of the time either.

 Imposter Syndrome

We’ve heard from many teachers at workshops that they often feel like they are imposters, that they are not good enough.

  • Imposter syndrome is the belief that says, “I am not good enough.” If you have imposter syndrome, you may believe that you are not ready, that you don’t know enough, and that somehow you got yourself into a job or position that you don’t deserve.
  • People with imposter syndrome look around and see everyone else as more competent than they are, which proves to them that they are not deserving. Any success you have found must be just a fluke.
  • Imposter syndrome is fairly common, not only among new teachers, but among all teachers.
  • Teachers spend their days largely alone with students, isolated from the trials and struggles of their colleagues. They know their own struggles, but often don’t see the struggles of others.
  • Social media also feeds into imposter syndrome. People often post their highlights but less often their struggles. It is easy to compare yourself to others on social media and come up lacking. Comparison is often the thief of joy.

 What are some mindset shifts for imposter syndrome?

  • Understand that whatever you are feeling, you are likely not alone.
  • Talk to other teachers about your struggles.
  • Ask for help when you need it.
  • Share the successes, but also the failures. This is growth mindset in action.
  • Do not forget to own your achievements. Claim your experiences and growth. Recognize and celebrate your progress. Pat yourself on the back for the things you do well.
  • Even the very best in their field get imposter syndrome. For example, Jodie Foster said, “When I won the Oscar, I thought it was a fluke. I thought everybody would find out, and they’d take it back. They’d come to my house, knocking on the door. ‘Excuse me, we meant to give that to someone else. That was going to Meryl Streep.”
  • Then take this quote from Meryl Streep, “ You think, ‘Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie? And I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?”

Overwhelmed

When we use overwhelmed as a mindset belief, we are talking about being overwhelmed as a state of mind, as a personal characteristic or as the way you live your life.

  • Being overwhelmed is a temporary state that we all feel from time to time. Life is busy and we all have a lot of things to do.
  • Sometimes overwhelm goes from being a temporary state to being a personal identity. “I am overwhelmed right now,” is different from “I am overwhelmed” as a perpetual life truth.
  • Do you regularly describe yourself as overwhelmed? Do you feel it every day? Has overwhelm overshadowed joy or happiness in your life?  The demands of teaching are many, and the expectations for teachers are high. It is easy to succumb to overwhelm.
  • If so, you may have adopted “I am overwhelmed” as a mindset. Your mind believes your regular state is overwhelmed, and it becomes true. Your negative thoughts become your default way of thinking.You find what you look for.

What is a mindset shift for “ I am overwhelmed”?

  • Recognize that you are temporarily overwhelmed. “ This too shall pass.”
  • Get clear about which things are the most important. Overwhelm is often due to a lack of clarity.  You have so much to do you don’t know where to start and you end up not doing anything.
  • Be reasonable about what you can accomplish each day. Having a list of fifty tasks to do each day is not only unrealistic, it will immediately set you up for failure. Know what your top three tasks are and strive to complete those. Anything else is a bonus!
  • Don’t make things harder than they have to be. Can you find a way to make it easy? Lugging home 25 student journals to read in the evening is a huge task. Reading five journals a day is easy.

These are just a few examples of mindset beliefs. There are plenty more where those came from. We have mindset beliefs about our abilities, about money, and about who we think we are. We have beliefs about what is “realistic” and what is “possible” and what is “impossible. “

You can shift your mindset.

To begin to shift mindset issues that aren’t serving you in a positive way:

  • Consider the cause of your beliefs. Where do they come from? Are they connected to things your parents said or experiences you’ve had?
  • Consider the stories you are telling yourself. Are they really true? Listen to your own self talk.
  • Decide that you are finished with this belief.
  • Challenge your beliefs by taking small steps or doing some small action that moves you away from your limiting belief.
  • When you are finding yourself overwhelmed or needing a mindset shift consider a staircase. You don’t instantly go from the bottom to the top. You focus on one step at a time. You spend your time looking forward and up, not stopping mid staircase or looking back. Shifting your mindset can be considered in a similar way.
  • Example: If your mindset belief is that you are not good at speaking in front others, plan to speak up at a team meeting or faculty meeting. Write down your ideas ahead of time and practice if you need to. Then try it out. Notice what happens. You’ve lived through the experience. No one threw rotten tomatoes at you. What kind of reaction did you get?
  • You can’t change everything overnight, and trying to do so will likely derail you. However, you can pick one mindset issue and take one step. You will gradually shift your mindset.

Recap: Our mindset beliefs influence our lives for better or for worse. We can shift those beliefs. The science of neuroplasticity demonstrates that we can add new pathways in our brains, and that with disuse old pathways will gradually fade out and even disappear- synaptic pruning in action. In order to start to shift your mindset, notice your beliefs, examine them, and then take small steps that will prove that whatever it is you believe is not really true.

Quote: 

“I’m not interested in your limiting beliefs; I’m interested in what makes you limitless.”

Brendon Burchard

Resources mentioned in this episode: 

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success- How we Can learn to Fulfill Our Potential by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D. 

Related episdoes and posts: 

3 Limiting Mindset Beliefs that Will Hold You Back

 

Connect with Inspired Together Teachers

Download our FREE resource, The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Facebook Teacher Warriors Group: Teacher Warriors Facebook Group

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/company/inspired-together-learning/

Our book: The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best

 

More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to live an inspired life.

 

Simple Ways to Improve Your Life E. 12

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Simple Ways to Improve Your life

simple ways to improve your life, laughing child with book

Listen to this episode to learn small, simple things you can do to improve your life. Leveling up your life is easier than you think!

 

Show Notes

Episode Summary:

What if we told you that you could improve your life by doing small, simple things that have a big impact? Leveling up your life can be easier than you think! In this episode we are sharing small things that make a big impact on your life.

In this episode:

Talking Point 1:

In our very first episode we discussed three types of life you can live, the caged life, the comfortable life and the inspired life.

Our goal is the inspired life.

  • As a teacher, you exist in a world that is full of expectations.You want to help your students while also supporting your family and friends. It is easy to lose yourself, to fill everyone else’s bucket while leaving yours empty.
  • You deserve to find your own happiness and fulfillment in your life.
  • It is easy to get stuck in a rut and to accept the ordinary or mundane. That is not where life’s magic happens. Life’s magic happens when you are feeling alive, joyful, and empowered.
  • What are you doing when you feel most alive and joyous?  What gives you the most energy?  Consider how you can bring some of those elements into every day in small ways.

Small things, done repeatedly, have the power to make big changes.

  • A slow trickle of water can create a canyon.
  • One small rolling rock can start an avalanche.
  • Choosing to take small actions can build momentum that will help you to continue a journey that will result in increased happiness.
  • This is not about perfection, it is about small steps that add up to progress.

Talking Point 2:

The following are some suggestions of small, simple things than you can implement to start building momentum towards living your inspired life.

  1. Smile at someone. They will likely smile back. Smiling increases our mood-enhancing hormones and decreases our stress hormones.
  2. Add fruit or cucumbers to your water bottle. You’ll drink more and stay hydrated. Good hydration increases our overall energy and our ability to think clearly.
  3. Text a friend just to say “Hi” or wish them a good day. Positive relationships increase our happiness and even our life expectancy!
  4. Give a compliment- you’ll benefit from a good feeling as much as the recipient.
  5. Look out at a beautiful vista in nature and breathe. You will relax and feel calmer.
  6. Every day, congratulate yourself for one thing that you did well. Success builds more success.
  7. Laugh more. Tell your students a stupid joke. Joke around with a colleague. Laughing reduces stress.
  8. Use the mindfulness feature on your smart phone or watch. It literally takes one minute!

Talking Point 3:

Here are a few more ideas, these take a bit more time or effort, but are worth the investment. We’ve talked more in detail about many of these ideas on this podcast.

  • Engage in an activity that you love. No time for your favorite hobby? Try spending just ten minutes. Play one song on the piano. Make a sketch. Do a few yoga poses. Read a few pages. Something is always more than nothing and engaging in a passion increases our happiness.
  • Ask yourself, what is one small thing I could do to care for myself right now? Then do it. If you don’t care for yourself, who else is going to? Like Miley Cyrus sings, “ I can buy myself flowers.”
  • Make plans to do something fun with a friend. You’ll have something to look forward to!
  • Spend a few minutes journaling- it helps you to develop self-awareness.
  • When you feel overwhelmed, get out of your head and into your body. Take a short walk. Immerse yourself in water. Dance in your living room for five minutes. You’ll feel more at peace and calmer.

If you feel stuck, change your routine.

  • Taking a different route to work, cooking something new, or talking with someone you don’t know well can open up creativity and new ways to solve a problem.
  • When you feel yourself doubting that you can do something, challenge it. Come up with at least one example that whatever you are doubting is not true. Look at the evidence that proves you can do something. Your experiences in the past will give you strength for the future.
  • Choose something in your life that is no longer serving you and let it go. This might be as simple as an article of clothing or a household object, or as complicated as a relationship. Letting go of things that no longer serve you will open space for better things.

Recap:

Life is not about perfection. It is about moving in the right direction. You don’t need to up end your entire life to improve your life. You just need to focus on small, positive actions that add up to big momentum.

A special shout-out

We’d like to give a shout out to all of our listeners, Thank you so much for listening, we are grateful to you. We want to particularly note our international listeners, Ghana, Barbados, Mexico, United Kingdom, Australia, Costa Rica, India, Phillippines, Turkey, and others.

We weren’t expecting to find international listeners, but you are very loyal listeners and we are so grateful to you! We’d love to know more about you, drop us an email at inspiredtogetherlearning.com and tell us about yourself and where you are listening from.

Quote:

“I always tell people if you want to know the secret to happiness, I can give it to you in one word: progress. Progress equals happiness.”

Tony Robbins

Related Episodes/Blog Posts:

Episode 1 The Inspired Life

Blog: 20 Things You Can Do to Make Your Life Better

 

Connect with the Inspired Together Teachers Community:

 Download our FREE resource: The Inspired Teachers Guide to Taking Back Your Life.

Website: https:www.inspiredtogetherteachers.com

Instagram: Inspired-Together-Teachers

Facebook: Inspired Together Teachers

Facebook Teacher Warriors Group: Teacher Warriors Facebook Group

Linked In:  Inspired Together Teachers

 More About Inspired Together Teachers:

Are you a teacher struggling to balance your best work with your best life?

If you are dedicated and caring but often overwhelmed and exhausted, join us at Inspired Together Teachers. We’ll give you inspiration, strategies and tips that help you navigate life’s challenges as a stronger, more confident, and more joy filled person, both in and out of the classroom.

Inspired Together Teachers will give you practical tools to experience more of what matters most in your life.

Co-hosts Paula Schmidt and Michele Vosberg are award winning educators with the experience and skills to help teachers thrive in life and work. They’ve taught at all levels, worked with thousands of teachers, and conducted workshops around the world. They are also the authors of the #1 best-selling book The Inspired Teachers Journal: A Weekly Guide to Becoming Your Best Self.

Paula and Michele would love to have you to join them on their quest to lived inspired lives.

 

 

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