There are six types of teachers, at least according to a sixth grader named Topher. Topher is one of the narrators in John David Anderson’s, funny, wise and heart wrenching middle grade novel Ms. Bixby’s Last Day.
Here are the six types of teachers. Which one are you?
The Zombies
These are the ones who have been teaching since Roosevelt was president- the first Roosevelt. The one with the broomy mustache. Zombies speak in a monotone and come armed with lots of worksheets. They suck the fun out of the learning process. Zombies don’t technically eat student’s brains, but they don’t do anything to nurture them either.
The Caff-Adds
You can spot these teachers by their jittery hands, bloodshot eyes and the NPR travel mugs they carry around with them. Caff-Adds are like little bouncy balls and they talk really fast. Listening to them is like sticking your head in a beehive…ZZZZZZZZZZZ.
The Dungeon Masters
These teachers are hall pass wielding ogres who wish paddling was still allowed in schools. They allow no talking- ever. You are expected to sit still, be quiet and do your work alone. They will capture your I-phone and feed it to their goblins.
The Spielbergs
These teachers aren’t as cool as Steven Spielberg, but like him they show movies all the time. With Spielbergs, you often get a chance to snooze or doodle or text your friends. A sub category is Zombie Spielbergs- old guys who show movies, often ones that are unrelated to class, constantly.
The Noobs
Noobs are “fresh picked from the teacher farm.” Noobs, with their bright eyes colorful catalog posters are overachievers. Students like Noobs, but sadly, they don’t stay Noobs for very long. They get burned out in a year or two. Topher blames the system, not the students, for causing this form of teacher burnout.
The Good Ones
These are the teachers we hope to get. They make school bearable. You actually pay attention in their class. You work hard in their class because you don’t want to disappoint them. These are the ones you will go back and say hi to next year.
We asked, “Which of These Six Types of Teacher Are You?”
Actually, we already know the answer. It’s summer, and you are reading this. You are doing a little self-imposed professional development.
Gotcha. Caught in the act. Now we know. And you know too. You’re our kind of teacher.
One of The Good Ones.
Congratulations,
Paula and Michele
P.S. It’s summer, and we plan to read a lot. If you are looking for some good books, we’ve got you covered. Fill in your name and email below to get our free guide, 25 Amazing Books About Teachers that Every Teacher Should Read.
P.P.S. Number one is Ms. Bixby’s Last Day, by John David Anderson, 2016, Walden Pond Press. Read this one first. And make sure you have a box of tissues handy. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
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